Parenting: Our daily nanny log

 Less than a month left until our due date and things are coming together nicely.   This past week I ordered some nursing clothes which I plan on including in the go bag as well as just wanting some tank tops and such for once Joshua is here.  I also had my 36 week appointment this week and did all of the pre-admitting for the hospital and scheduled my last four appointments.  The nursery is all set up and thank you cards are out for all the gifts.  We did our labor and delivery class last Sunday and are feeling a little  bit more preapred as far as what to expect.  

I still need to build a go bag (the diaper bag is already done since none of that stuff needs to be used between now and whenever we go to the hospital).  Next weekend we plan on clearing out our registries for the items left.  Then the last thing we need to do is actually post our nanny job.  We plan on posting the job on sittercity.com  which only allows you to post a job three months out.  Since we want the nanny to start in January, it means we need to wait until the first week of October to post the job.  If we don't have someone hired by December we will probably also post on care.com since that should cast a wider net.  We have decided that we are considering paying extra for housekeeping as well.  We also broke down what we are expecting to pay which came out to about $8.50-$10.00/ hr with cleaning or $8.00-$9.50/ hr without.  

We also have the nanny log mostly done.  It took me a little bit to get used to the idea since it felt weird to me to have a log but I am glad we are doing it.  Especially since the nanny will come in the mornings when I am home and leave when Kevin gets home.  It just helps with continuity and keeping track of Joshua's schedule.  We decided to use google forms to keep track but we will just have one copy printed out and laminated for her to take notes on during the day.  Then the nanny won't need to be jumping on the computer for every update, she can just update it at the end of the day and it will automatically go into a spreadsheet.  Hopefully, this will help us avoid rushed conversations at the end of the day.  Below is the link to the nanny log.  Feel free to give it a try.  If you have any suggestions, feel free to leave your comments below.  (Please note: this will change when we move to solid foods. We also decided to leave diapers off as it just didn't seem necessary early on).
Joshua's Day Log

Life: Two trimesters down, one to go!

It's officially my last trimester! 26 weeks later and I figured it was about time for another update.  It feels good to be over the hump of knowing that if Joshua comes, he can survive.  Obviously, I want him to wait and develop fully and healthily but it is very comforting to know that he can come at any time.  In a couple of weeks, the Army restricts my work hours to no more than 8 hours a day, no more than 40 hours a week.  And yes, I am supposed to work up until my delivery day (unless the doctor's give me bed rest).

At this point in the pregnancy, I have been enjoying the normal symptoms of nosebleeds, heart burn, sciatic pain and low energy levels.  I have gained 20 pounds exactly  as of this morning and Joshua is kicking like crazy.  Kevin felt the kicking for the first time last week but it was off and on.  Now, if Joshua is kicking towards my front, my stomach moves noticeably.  It has become very distracting because now when I feel him kicking, I automatically want to look and see if I can see it.  Mostly he seems to like kicking me in the back, stomach and bladder.  

We've already put the crib together and got the bedding and wall decorations. We are waiting until we pick his dedication verse and then we will stencil it on his way and put the decals around it.  I am currently studying the book of Joshua during my daily readings for inspiration.  We have a few possibilities already, but our intention with the verse we choose is to help define the character we want our children to have.  

We have also been doing a fair amount of reading and have made a few "decisions" about life when Joshua comes and how we want to raise him.  I put "decisions" in quotes because these are mostly just the things we intend to try first.  For instance, we have just started talking about doing a birth plan and my current preference is to attempt a natural birth.  However, I am not opposed to getting anesthetic if that's how I feel once contractions start.  Similiarly, we have decided that once Joshua gets here, we intend to do the 90 Minute Baby Sleep Program.  Additionally, Kevin and I have decided that our child care choice is to use a nanny.  We will be waiting until his arrival is much closer to hire someone, but we will be using Sittercity to make our selection.  The last thing we have decided is that we are dropping most every commitment that we have outside of our jobs.  Since most of Joshua's time is going to be spent with the nanny, we both feel that it is really important to spend our time off with Joshua.  Not to mention the fact that unlike in most American sitcoms, we are expecting our life to change and revolve around fulfilling Joshua's needs.  Now, that's not to say we won't add things back to our social calendar as we feel able, but it will only be after we are sure that those things fit in the parameters of the type of parents we want to be.  

I think that's about it.  Just three short months left until Joshua is here and I think it will go fast and then slow.  Mostly because Kevin and I are taking a trip to Florida with my family at the end of the month and we are taking a trip back to Illinois in August (for a friend's bridal shower!) and a trip in early September for my baby shower.  And after all that traveling in the period of about a month, we will be coming home just to wait until Joshua arrives in mid-October.  

Life: We're expecting our first child!

Alright, I know I have suspiciously absent from blogging for the last few months.  At first, it was just the business of having friends and family coming to visit and hitting the slopes during any down time we had, but then that reason changed.  On February 13th, Kevin and I found out that we are expecting our first child.We kept the news mostly to ourselves until week 8 and decided that after we told our family, we wouldn't put anything online until we reached our second trimester (when the risk of miscarriage is greatly reduced).

Baby's first rattle- From my mom

13 weeks

We have had our first ultrasound and our due date has been set for October 19th.  It is hard to believe that we will have a baby  before the holidays even hit.  (If you didn't know, Kevin and I had decided to stop preventing children at the new year and had thus expected to it take the average 3-6 months to get pregnant. Instead it took less than 45 days). Kevin declared it as a boy the first night we found out while I wasn't feeling either way.  I still really don't feel any one way, but when we first saw baby moving and playing on the ultrasound, I said, "Wow! Look at him." So we shall see.  Neither of us are really hoping one way to another, but I think it is fun to try to guess.  We have every intention of finding out the sex at our 20 week appointment.

Assorted books- from my mom

Book from Aunt Heather

The Army has been both frustrating and extremely helpful during this time.  I didn't have my first appointment until week 8 and that was just an intake appointment (no ultrasound, just some lab work and family history) and I had my first ultrasound in week 11.   The Army is pretty good about not doing an unnecessary testing (unlike a regular physician who can get away with charging insurance companies for extra ultrasounds that don't really have a purpose) which is both good and frustrating.  Naturally, I would have wanted to see baby much earlier, but at the same time, I appreciate the idea of not indulging everyone of my wants.  I have also been going to pregnancy physical training instead of my normal unit PT.  This includes one day a week of prenatal yoga, one day of pool PT, two days of either cardio or light weight training and one day of classes.  The classes are taught my nurses and midwives that cover a range of topics from how STDs can affect pregnancy and delivery to nutrition to delivery methods.  It really helps that instead of having a bunch of extra appointments during the day, most of our education occurs during our regular hours and I know that if I have a question, I will see a nurse that week (though with my step mom and best friend both being doctors, I normally just text one of them when I have a question).

Soft ducky- from my mom

For those wondering, and since I have already been asked, this doesn't change anything about me being in the Army.  I got pregnant with every intention of staying in.  Technically, my commitment is up next May, but I plan on staying in past that at this point.  Yes, I can get out of the Army now that I am pregnant but no, I am not planning to.  Even if I change my mind after baby's here, (which I know some of you may be hoping for) I will at least stay in until next May and fulfill the commitment I first made.  Kevin and I timed it this way so that we would almost be forced to try and make things work with us both working.  I am not the type of person to quit because something is tough, but I will quit if I decide this is something I don't want to do anymore.  If I am being perfectly honest, I cannot imagine that I won't want to be in the Army after baby is here.  I love my job and though I am

Baby's first piggy bank- from my mom

sure I could find success elsewhere, I appreciate the structure and responsibility that doesn't exist outside our military.  If I am not in the Army, I will probably be a stay at home mom, at least for a while.   So, the question will be "do I want to be at home with baby more than I want to be in the Army?"  At this point, Kevin and I are planning on me being in until 2017/18.  If plans change, they change.  If I go for twenty years, then awesome.  If I decided I am done after my four, then so be it.

Baby's first ducky- from my mom

As far as my first trimester of pregnancy, I started getting morning sickness at week five and by week six, I had already moved into nausea with vomiting.  I have experienced a few other symptoms too (congestion, nose bleeds, fatigue, cravings, food aversions and pretty much everything in between too) and that has changed some things around our house.  For instance, I haven't been cooking much and Kevin has had to do some of the grocery shopping.  But things are slowly returning back to normal.  In fact, yesterday we hiked 12 miles to the top of a mountain and back (about 4500 ft in elevation change).  I plan on continuing to hike, but I am not sure that we will be doing any more mountain climbing as I get bigger (mostly because of the risk of falling on the snow and ice that is still up around the 10,000 ft mark).  We cut our ski season short this year in part because of the risk of falling (not much for me), but more because the morning sickness pretty much killed any desire I had to get up early and be in a car for two and a half hours.  The only weird food things have been that for the first time in my life I don't want anything to do with vegetables (which I normally love) and have only really been able to do raw carrots and I haven't really wanted chocolate (super weird for me).  I have craved McDonald's (so weird!) and Chipotle (not surprising!).

Kevin and I hiking

Bible- from my mom

Kevin and I have only bought a couple of things for baby.  The first is a bag I intend to use as a diaper bag.  I bought it during a thirty-one benefit party for Caring-for-Carter.  I bought a bag called the city weekender (may look small in the pic but it is definitely a bag for an adult with enough room for a couple of changes of clothes, etc.).  I figured it was perfect since I didn't really need or want a new purse, and this is the type of thing I can use on weekend trips after baby doesn't need a diaper bag anymore.  The second item we bought is a play yard.  We decided to buy this early since our 8 month old niece will be staying with us in a couple of weeks and we didn't have any place for her to stay.  We pretty much went with the most expensive model because it packs compactly and will be perfect for our trips back to Illinois.  It has a removable bassinet with a stand, a changing table, storage under the changing table area, a raised bassinet and then the normal play pen for when baby gets bigger.  I sent my sister-in-law a picture to let her know we have a place for our niece to sleep and she told me that her and her husband were planning on getting us a pack in play as a gift so that they could use it during their visit!  I just had to laugh that we had the exact same idea, I was just faster at ordering.  Also bought were onesies to announce we were expecting to aunts and uncles, and some bottles, blankets, jammies and a toy to tell my mom.  But none of those things are here with me and I don't have pictures, sorry.

Baby's first onesie- from Michelle

We have also had a few people already starting to buy baby gifts.  My friend Michelle technically got the first baby gift (but she was also told early as I felt horribly guilty.  I am supposed to be a bridesmaid in her wedding on October 18th and baby is due the next day!)  Naturally, since we met in college, she bought baby's first Illini gear.  My mom came in second with a silver rattle, a duck toy (we are going pond themed for the nursery since it is gender neutral), and a piggy bank.  Since then, I only know of one toy that has been bought by my mom and a bunch of books.  My mom and sister have made it their mission to create baby's library.  

Life: Thoughts after a week on Paleo

Ok, so after one week on Paleo, I figured it's about time for an update.  To catch up those who aren't following, Kevin and I are trying to go Paleo for 30 days.  We have a Paleo guide/ cook book.  It has a 30 day meal plan for any dietary needs.  We picked the 30 day meal plan for digestive health.  We started on Sunday the 12th after we got back from Mexico.

After the first day, Kevin noticed more differences than I did.  But both of us felt a little bit better.  Honestly though, there haven't been too many significant changes (probably because these diet changes aren't too different from what we were already eating). My completion seems slightly better but I don't really feel any more energized.  I do however miss chocolate.

So, after a week, Kevin and I started discussing what changes would be permanent.  The reality for us is that paleo is pretty strict and not always conducive to our life style.  It's hard being out and about and still eating.  It is also difficult since on Tuesday nights our Small Group has dinner together and Wednesday nights we have dinner with our community group.  And since most people don't really read the ingredients list in their food (and you kind of sound like a tool when you  ask), this becomes challenging.  And we aren't really ready to be the people that bring food every where.  The other issue is that as much as I love cooking, I am not a fan of cooking 2-3 meals per day.  We are both in agreement that cereal makes mornings much easier.  And I am not a huge fan of no nights off from cooking.

I have also been having some stomach issues that makes me think I might be allergic to something in our new diet... I mean... lifestyle.  Most likely I think it is eggs but I am not sure. Time will tell, but something is making me feel nauseous after eating every now and again.

So for a more permanent solution, Kevin and I have decided that our best decision is probably going to be to go mostly paleo and continue in our regular pattern of slowly evolving our diet to eating better over time.  Once this 30 days is up, we are planning to allow organic cereal back into our mornings and to be more lenient in our "cheating" to the tune of about once a day, though trying not to make it a whole meal, just a portion. We are hoping that over time, just as it has already happened, foods that make us feel bad get omitted.  It's not that we don't think Paleo is a good choice, we just aren't in a place to fully commit.

But most importantly, we are planning on doing an allergy test and optimal nutrition evaluation.  We want to make sure we cut out any foods we are allergic to, and adding back things we are missing.  We think it is probably the best start to actually changing our diet to meet our health needs.

On another note, this is one of my new favorite desserts.
I call it...

Orange Dreamsicle Sorbet


Ingredients:
10 peaches (approx)
1/2 cup Orange Juice
1 teaspoon vanilla (shout out to +Jordan Wiley for the idea)
2 teaspoons of honey (optional)

Directions: Blend in a food processor (I use my nutri-bullet).  Freeze or eat immediately.  Approx 1 serving.  (Note: The goal with Paleo is to avoid processed and refined foods.  Try to stay as natural as possible with your ingredients if you are trying to maintain Paleo too!)

Life: Glad to be home

New patio

So, I have been home for a few weeks now and really haven't stopped since I arrived.  Last week Kevin and I started renovating our kitchen and should be done late tonight.  We also had a patio put in in our backyard.  It's been a little crazy, but in a good way.  And it isn't stopping as this week my family (Mom, stepdad, brother, aunt and two cousins) are coming into town to visit.  We will be hosting Thanksgiving at our house and that brings the total to at least 11 for dinner.  So we have a busy schedule coming up for the next week and then a couple of (hopefully) more relaxing weeks before heading back to Illinois for Christmas and then on to Mexico for a romantic week away with my husband!

The current state of my kitchen

So a few quick updates...
Patio's done
Kitchen's done (almost)
Looks like I have a new job at a new unit lined up (more to follow once it is official).
I am getting my wisdom teeth pulled after Thanksgiving and will start the process of seeing if I am eligible for Lasik.
My stocks are doing really well (at on point this week I checked and saw that I had a 60% gain off my initial investment).
I finished reading through the whole bible this year (after about 9 months of reading) and am going to start a doing a new study on love.
Kevin and I are creating life goals for our family and things we want to do and achieve (we are doing this over several weeks, so once that's done, it will probably be it's own blog post).
I haven't been working out hardly at all and need to get back in the swing of things, especially before going home.  But we are planning on getting some skiing and hiking next week, so that will be good.

Ok, for now, I need to get back to putting my kitchen together and cleaning my house so I can drive to Denver tomorrow and pick up my beautiful Aunt and wonderful cousins.

I'm home!!!!

I can't believe it! I am home and have been for a week now!  It's been a great week but very busy.  I got back into my kitchen on Tuesday and Wednesday to bake and cook again which made me feel excellent. I also got to spend the weekend at my dad and step-mom's house with my husband and puppy dogs.  I also was so happy to get back to our church on Sunday.  Honestly, it has been overwhelming at times, especially when I first got home.  It is definitely a transition.  But there is a lot going on right now and a lot coming up.  So I figure now is time for some updates...

On being home... So I have already mentioned being home is somewhat overwhelming.  Generally speaking, I try not to think about things too much.  I still have dreams that I am still in Afghanistan but that is pretty normal.  I am on a good sleep schedule, though I crash at the end of the day (always before 10, usually before 9) and wake up every day between 0530 and 0630.  But I am enjoying my time at home and love being back in my kitchen.  I also absolutely love my brand new car.  I tend to feel more exhausted than before I left, but I am sure that will turn.

On Lean Six Sigma...  it has come to a screeching halt.  I have tried contacting my instructor at least three times since leaving Afghanistan and haven't heard anything back.  So, I am hoping that some doors might open on the opportunity, but I have no clue what is going to happen and it is really frustrating.

Our new kitchen cabinets... sitting in our garage.

On current projects...  While I was gone, one of our kitchen cabinets sort of fell from the wall.  So, as I have mentioned before, we are redoing the kitchen.  Because of the wood floors, I plan on painting the cabinets instead of staining them.  And I think we are going to do a tile counter top.  But so far, we have just bought the new cabinets, dishwasher and microwave.  The plan is to try to get everything done before thanksgiving.  We are also getting our landscaping in the backyard done this week and I worked on our front yard a little bit last week.  I am hoping to clear the rest of the weeds and leaves in the front yard this week as well (maybe even the clean the gutters).  Early next year we are going to put up the green house and plant some bushes in the yard- but one thing at a time.

On being married...  I forgot how much I truly enjoy my husband's company.  It might seem weird, but there seems to be lots of little things that I forgot.  It feels so good to be back home with my best friend.  He took a couple of days off with me when I first got home.  I thought it would be weird being with him all the time, but it really hasn't been.  If anything, I hate it when he isn't around.  In the next few weeks, we are going to start planning out our time and what our new schedule is going to look like and I am really excited about that.  We are also trying to plan some personal goals for ourselves as a family and how we want to serve in our church, community, work and social lives.

On self-study...  Kevin and I are nearly done with our reading through the bible chronologically study.  We should be done in less than two weeks.  After we finish, I plan on reading through the new testament focusing on verses that pertain to love (God's love for us, our love for him and our love for each other).  On top of that, Kevin and I are going to start reading "100 days to intimacy" which is a book recommended to us by some in our church.  We are hoping this will help us to communicate well and reconnect as we make this next transition.  Plus, we want to be intentional in focusing on our marriage and family.

So yeah, there has been a lot going on in just a week and there is so much more not said.  But I will continue to give periodic updates as we continue to work on our new (feeling) life together.  (And here's a video link from me seeing my puppies for the first time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYUCsxwKxtU)

Afghanistan: Number 25 (My last post from Afghanistan!)

Our transfer of authority ceremony

Alright everyone.  This is it.  I am going home.  Many of you have asked if I know when.  The answer to that is yes, but I cannot share it.  I can share after we have moved, but will not be able to tell you our next movement dates or times of anything like that.  Once I get back into the U.S. will be a different story, but for now, just know that within the next week or so, I will be home!  So here it is, my last post and the end of this part of my journey.

Playing volleyball in our free time...

Mental: I am having some frustrations in this department honestly.  I have not completed my second black belt project because I am still waiting to receive my data.  This is through no fault of my own and I can honestly say that I have no grand appreciation for the speed at which contractors move.  However, I did have an interview last Friday with a Brigadier General and have been officially endorsed to go to school and certify as a Lean Six Sigma Master Black Belt.  Unfortunately, we are still awaiting the exam results to go with it, so once we get the score key (a huge debacle because of the furlough), my qualifying exam will be scored and I will submit my packet.  Then there are about 5,000 more hurdles to go, but I plan on just taking them as they come.  Lord willing, I have a tremendous amount of potential in this area.

Physical: As you already now, I received the highest score possible on my Army Physical Fitness Exam just a couple of weeks ago (a 300).  My other goal of the six pack... well... I guess I will call it success.  I don't need to flex for it to be visible, but I am not seeing a lot of definition.  It's probably from all the ice cream I eat.  Regardless, I am at the lowest weight I have been in the last four years or so and am overall happy with the way I look and feel (even though I was also happy before).  I still intend to try to keep up the momentum when I get back and keep my run time down.

Can you tell I am not very good?

Financial: Well, my stocks have been up and down this week.  Both of my stocks have been near or surpassed their 52 week highs this week and then have dropped back down into a respectable range.  I am still planning on holding onto them.  I'm not the most financially savvy person I know, but both stocks are looking pretty strong and are significantly higher than what I bought them at.  Hopefully I don't forget about the too much once I am back stateside.

Seriously though, I had no idea  what I was doing.

Emotional:  This is a weird one in preparation for coming home.  People don't seem to understand that going home for a Soldier is in some ways, more difficult than leaving.  We train and prepare to leave but don't do much for coming back.  I haven't been alone or had a day off since I got here.  Going home, living with my husband, having to cook for myself and grocery shop and pick out clothes and drive myself around are all going to be transitions for me to get back into the hang of things.  I might never be alone here, but I haven't had to share my life with anybody either.  There is no one I had to talk to and take care of at the end of the day.  This is not to say at all that I am not completely excited to come home, because I really am, but it is a forewarning that this is a transition for me.  Getting back into a schedule will take time and patience.  On a somewhat similar note, I have been praying recently that God would help me fall more in love with my husband than I have ever been before.  This has been my constant pray over the last week and I can already feel it being answered.  I cannot wait to get back to my love, my groom, my companion, my husband.  To see him, to touch him, to be touched by him, to speak with him freely, to sleep next to him, to be with him... I cannot wait.

Spiritual: How good are you at being still? As in Psalm 46:10 "'Be still and know that I am God'..."  I am not very good at being still.  I have had issues being still my whole life.  Call it ADHD, call it hyperactive, call it over-thinking, over-analytical... Whatever name you want to give it. I don't think I have ever truly been still.  And honestly, I am not sure I know any women (or even men) who have told me they figured this one out.  We seem hard-wired for multi-tasking and calming chaos in our homes.  Our jobs and our lives seem to never demand stillness.  I used to even confuse stillness with laziness, but have since realized that it is actually the opposite.  But I digress.  Let me first say that my to do list for getting home is a mile long.  I am trying to get into school for my Lean Six Sigma Master Black belt, I am running against the clock to get a new job, the cabinets in our kitchen need redone, I want to build a green house and start a garden (some day down the road I want to have chickens and some day further after that, I want to try bee keeping), I want to do some minor landscaping in the back yard, plant some trees and bushes, buy a gun, get my concealed carry license, build new shelves in our closet, continue building a multi-media server for our house, create a planter outside my bay window, create cushions to sit in the bay window, potentially add a shower to our downstairs bathroom, build a fire pit, go to Illinois, go on vacation to Mexico, learn French and get LASIK.  Now, these are things I am thinking about for my next year home, but you can see that I have a lot of plans in front of me.  And I was nearly giddy trying to pick which one I wanted to tackle first (and when I say one, I mean a minimum of 3 because that's how I operate). I haven't had a day off on this deployment and if I am not running around doing something, I am sleeping or talking about the next thing I am working on.

So you can probably see now where the Holy Spirit intervened as a blessing to my dear husband (who was probably overwhelmed by my planning).  Still is not my forte.  Still is not watching t.v. or going for a walk.  It is literally still.  It is stopping the mind from wandering and planning, stopping my mouth from moving and just living at peace.  Others might call it meditation or clearing the mind, but really it's stillness.  And we don't really get any of this as a culture.  Stillness is most clear to me in my understanding of God's command to take a Sabbath.  Rest. Be still.  Remember God's still got this.  I used to think that still was passive, mostly because that helped justify my lack of being still.  Then I realized how active a task it is.  Ask a five year old (or me for that matter) to sit still.  See how long that lasts.  It is a rather arduous chore.  Better yet, I can't seem to truly clear my mind for more than a minute at a time.  But I bet if I worked on stillness that time would get longer.  If you read Psalm 46, you see that our God is very active.  It is in our stillness that we can see that it not us, but He who is running it all.  It is in our stillness that we come to know God.  Knowing God is being able to see Him, His heart, and His movement in our lives.  If I am always moving, I confuse myself into thinking that everything is my doing.  It's my "thanks God, but clearly I've got this one," kind of moments.  My activity causes me to get distracted by MY thoughts and MY actions and MY works in MY time.  Stillness is a time to reflect on GOD's thoughts and GOD's actions and GOD's works in GOD's time.  I am my own biggest distraction from God.  I create a whole world of distractions that I call "productive" "necessary" "useful" "important" etc.  So instead, when I get home, I am going to focus my time on learning to be still first and incorporating that into my Sabbath's and my every day life.  One thing I do know, if I can't figure out how to be still as a wife, I am really going to struggle to figure it out once we have kids.  I am ready to be still and know that He is God.

Afghanistan Number 21

Alright everyone, I know I have been slacking and haven't posted in about a month, but now that things have calmed down a lot, I am ready to get back to it.  This last month has been pretty crazy.  I have been traveling, working out in one of our yards doing some manual labor, spending time with great people and have awesome conversation with my husband.  The last month of so has been drastically life altering, but also very fast paced.  I have no idea how many weeks I have been here now, but I can tell you I have about six weeks left! So here we go!

Physical: Ok, so this one is disappointing. I missed the Army ten-miler here in Bagram.  It was actually this morning, but I didn't know until 1500  yesterday afternoon (not enough time to recover and hydrate properly).  Plus, I ended up getting a killer headache last night.  So that little nugget has fallen through.  I have been working longer hours again, which was sacrificing my PT time by a lot.  So I made a new routine.  Now, instead of trying to go in the morning or evening, I go in the middle of the afternoon when I have down time.  I think I am going to try to keep this up when I get back to Fort Carson by going to the gym during lunch.  Before I left, I would travel back and forth from home multiple times a day.  To help save on our budget (updated financial goals), we are looking for ways to cut out the little things and this is definitely one of them.  Plus, it has the added benefit of me getting a good workout in during lunch. I have a PT test in a few weeks as well, and my goal is to get another 300 before going back home and eating really yummy food again.  But we will see how it all falls.

Our new 2014 Ford Escape!

Financial: My stocks are doing really well.  I am currently holding two of them that have provided some good gains for me.  Both are kind of plateaued, but they plateaued high enough that I am just keep them.  Right now, I have basically made 50% return on my initial investment.  I could definitely see myself doing this some more, but I haven't had a ton of time to devote to it.  I need to start looking at some potential new buys before the next set or quarterly earnings comes out.  Aside from that, Kevin and I have made some new financial goals.  We just bought our first car together (a 2014 Ford Escape Titanium, which we love!) and have decided we will probably not be moving again next year.  There are several factors going into that decision (like the new car!), but also the fact that I haven't really got to live in my house (or any place) for very long and I would like to take the time to start a garden, redo gutters, redo cabinets, plant some bushes and so on and so forth.  And I don't want to be rushing to do that before next spring.  So Kevin and I have decided to just say in the house we are in and try to get that paid off as quickly as possible.  We are also looking at ways to reduce our budgets.  Aside from trying to drive less, we are also looking at ways we can keep costs down and try to basically live on one income, with the other completely providing discretion to pay extra off the house and do projects and vacations and things.  Basically, we want one income to frame our spending and the other income to frame our saving in such a way that we can give money away, invest and just have fun. 

Our new garden window!

Mental: I finished my Lean Six Sigma project!!! Can you believe it?!  I ultimately reduced my standard deviation (Six sigma) and shifted my mean (lean).  It is now being submitted, and once that is done, I will have a DA 4187 with my skill identifier saying I am a certified black belt for the Army.  Now I just need to pull my project off my computer so that I will have it and all of my reference materials and I am done!!!!  Aside from that, I have been playing more with Microsoft excel and even with macros.  I think I might keep studying excel a bit because I am learning some really interesting things.  I am also going to try to spend the winter reading up on building my first green house and learning some fun gardening tips and tricks.  I think the fact that I haven't seen much green here has given me a very strong desire to decorate my house with lively plants.  I also have a desire to do some manual labor (building cabinets and trying to do gutters and small projects ourselves) after spending the last 7+ months sitting behind a computer.  I really enjoying working with my hands and haven't gotten to do enough of it here.  Plus, I enjoy working on our home.  Kevin has had a new garden window installed and we are having work done on our patio in the next couple of weeks.  I can't wait to get home and join him.  And I look forward to starting new projects and learning new crafts!

Emotional: So this one has been going pretty well.  I think Kevin and I have been connecting so much better as we have started discussing our plans for the next year or so.  Truth be told, earlier in the month, we were in a rather depressing rut and neither of us could really tell why.  I think Kevin just didn't like the sound of two more months and truthfully, I was starting to feel overwhelmed by the idea of making decisions again.  There are limitless possibilities for the future and what is coming next that I felt kind of overwhelmed by the idea of preparing to face it.  But as Kevin and I started moving forward (Kevin got our new garden window installed on the house and is having the patio done next month), things started getting easier.  That's why we decided to by the car (which we are so excited about) and start making plans for what the next year holds.  And things are really starting to come together.  Kevin is loving his job and I am loving mine.  And though there are definitely no concrete plans right now, there is a pretty good likelihood that I might stay in the Army for longer than my contract.  We have a lot to figure out on that path, but we have decided to wait until I get home and see how I am feeling six months from now before making too many decisions.  For right now, we are both giving up control of a lot that we like to hold on to just to imagine the world of possibilities.  We have decided that both of us are going to stop worrying about what we "should" or "shouldn't" do and start focusing on loving God, loving each other and loving others and living a life that is going to bring him the most glory.

Spiritual: Well, obviously this one is tied to my current emotional state as well.  Basically, the idea of giving up control of what I want versus what I think I should want has been very relieving.  Telling Kevin that I might want to stay in the Army was very difficult, but mostly because of the church, not because of Jesus.  I feel like within Christianity, we tend to limit the roles for women into what we see as best for her family or manageable.  Telling women I am in the Army is usually stomached in the same manner as me saying I'm sick or I have cancer.  They want to tell me that's horrible (and some do) and that they can't wait for me to get out.  Even my most well intended friends ask me about deploying and having kids to just get out of it.  It is inconceivable to them that I love this.  It's even crazier to them that I am really good at it.  But I let myself fall in that box too.  I told myself I couldn't stay in and be a good wife and mother.  Every day, I think that is less and less true.  Would there be hard parts? Yes. Is moving around all the time easy? No.  But would my kids and husband get to experience things that others might never get to? Yes.  Can we use it as the opportunity to bring our family closer together? Yes.  But most importantly, does it bring more glory to God to live the life he first put on my heart as a twelve year old girl and has reaffirmed many times since? Does it bring more glory to God for me to live my life in such a way that it ties together the unique characteristics God decided to ordain me with?  And does it bring God more glory when I live out the things that interest me and help them to grow and develop my family?  It might seem simple to just say yes and move on, but I am spending time with these questions.  I am leaning more towards them than I am away.  I am breaking down my own religious rules and trying to find the truth in the center of the Gospel.  I am done telling Christ how Christians are supposed to live.  When I look at biblical women, I see women who work and serve.  Ruth was a laborer, Esther was into politics and the proverbs 31 woman ran a very successful business (and all in the Old Testament too!).  Maybe my primary job can be wife and mother even if I don't spend all my time doing those things from home.  I don't know.  We have a lot of exploring to do, but I figured I would share with you where we have explored to thus far.

Afghanistan: Number 20

Ok everyone, I know I have missed a couple of posts.  To put it shortly, the theme of my last couple of weeks is exhaustion.  I have never felt before like I do now and I cannot think of anything comparable to it.  All I can say is that when I get back home, I might just sleep for a whole week.  On, that note, I plan to keep this short and direct.  So here is post 20, week 25 (ish... I am not really sure anymore).

Financial:  So I currently own two stocks and both are doing well.  The one is sitting at about 10% gain and is climbing slightly.  The other, is near, if not over, 25% gained.  The latter actually climbed even higher than that recently and then fell slighting, but is climbing back up.  I am interested to see how high it is going to go. And don't intend to sell right away.

Mental:  So, not really much progress on my lean six sigma project, but I have been helping someone else out with theirs.  I am not really sure how I got dragged onto their team, but they got a short suspense and needed the help.  As difficult as it has been, I am glad to help out a friend and I know it helped relieve some of their burden, so I don't mind so much.  Though there have been moments when I wanted to gouge my eyes out after staring at powerpoint slide for days on end, I'd like to think I did some good.  And unfortunately, it isn't done yet.  But it is close. But for now, I am slowly starting to shift back to my own project.  I am hoping to knock out my measure and analyze phases in the next couple of days and our final exam is coming up in about a week.  It will be good when I can focus on my project and not have to worry about class anymore.

Emotional:  It has been crazy busy over here and I feel like I have been running 100 mph.  I am completely exhausted and feeling quite spent.  To put it lightly, I am feeling burnt out.  I have been traveling and working non-stop for probably close to two weeks on a mammoth project that was briefed to a two star general on Saturday.  Unfortunately, it isn't done yet either and so there is still more to do.  But with the brief, the work and the traveling, I just feel completely out of energy.  And when that gets tied in with the crazy drama my unit is currently experiencing (but that I cannot go into), it just leaves me feeling like I have been hit by a freight train.  I don't think I have ever been so tired before.  And the thing that helps me get through that is the people in my unit.  My friends and coworkers here have been such a relief to me.  Being able to sit and chat and joke and laugh in the midst of sheer exhaustion as been very comforting.  I cannot say that it makes the work load feel worth it, but it is definitely what gets me through.

Physical: This has fallen to the wayside during my traveling and working the last couple of weeks.  I am hoping to return to a more normal schedule now that I am back in Bagram, but we shall see.  I need to find a more consistent schedule and get my butt outside and run more.  On the up side, the weather is calming down and it is more pleasant to run.  On the down side, I am tired and don't feel like going.  I still am hoping to do the Army ten miler in October, but I need the pace in my life to slow down a bit first.

Spiritual: While I have maintained the ability to read my bible twice a day, this past couple of weeks has been destructive to my quiet times.  The long hours just nugging away in front of a computer took their toll and I am hoping that now that I am back in Bagram, I might be able to get some solid sleep and reset myself.  Unfortunately, I am feeling spiritually very weak, just like I do in every other area of my life right now.  I feel like I lack the emotional capacity to handle my exhaustion and that it is seeping into every area of my life.  I pray daily for strength and drive but I can hardly find it.  The worst part of my day is waking up and dragging myself out of bed. I'd love to end this with something witty or inspiring, but I have got nothing.  I am still here and feel like a balloon with a slow leak that is just about out.  We are going home in two months but I cannot give thought to anything past today without feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.  Hopefully, the next couple of weeks will slow down and I will find my strength renewed.  I have heard that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but I am now contemplating if it is possible to walk away without being hardened and changed. 

Wife: Our Engagement Story

So, today is my four year engagement anniversary.  Now, I am not normally a sappy person, but I figured it might be fun instead of doing my normal post this week, to share with you guys the story of how Kevin proposed to me.  Below, you can read our version of the events, each from our own perspective written the next day.  I have not edited this story since August 14, 2009.  And for the record, my husband forever set the standards high!

Our Story

Engagement Night

Her perspective

So, I guess the story kind of begins this past Sunday when Kevin got back from Jamaica after his mission's trip. He said this Thursday was special, or something of that sort. Thursday was in fact our 11 monthiversary (as Kevin called it) but we hadn't really celebrated any other month. So at that point I kind of got suspicious. But at the same time, it was a Thursday night and we both had to work the next day and Kevin's best friend was going to be in town one night only, so I wasn't really counting on it at all. That day, Kevin and I emailed each other throughout work about our evening plans. Kevin planned the whole evening and didn't tell me anything about it. He made some offhanded comment about possibly having    reservations and maybe he'd bring me flowers. At that point, I became more suspicious, but had decided that maybe if he showed up at my door with flowers, I would let myself dare to hope. He did in fact show up at my door with flowers. There were two of them that he had picked outside his work 2 hours prior. They were dead. My hope was pretty much dead as well. The we walked into the kitchen where my Dad was. I knew that Kevin had told all of my parents the night he intended to propose. My Dad was also leading Amplify (our church's adult singles bible study) later that evening, which Kevin usually attends. My Dad turned to Kevin and said "I see you are not going to amplify tonight, loser!" And I immediately thought, "Well, Dad didn't know Kevin was skipping amplify... can't be tonight." We leave the house and Kevin says that he did in fact make dinner reservations, however they were not until later (slightly to my disappointment since I was starving) and that he wanted to show me something first. He took me up to Grand View Drive to a beautiful spot where you can see the Illinois River for miles. Before we got out of the car he said he had a story to tell me and I had to listen to the whole thing. We went and sat on the bench and we opened up this journal he had written for me from "my perspective" over the course of the summer. See, I worked as a camp counselor and I had decided early on that I wouldn't keep a journal over the summer, even though I wanted to, since I wouldn't have time. Kevin decided that he would keep one for me. So every day this summer, he wrote down the high lights and even some of the low spots from this summer. Some of the stuff, I never thought, nor would I have ever said. But he added his colorful embellishments to make me smile. Other times, he wrote down exactly what I had thought and said; in fact, there were times I interjected with my thoughts and he would read the next line and it would be verbatim. And every week this summer, Kevin sent me a one page long poem in the
mail. I thought that they were just individual poems to brighten my week. He included them in this journal he had made. And when he got to August 13th, he actually wrote down all of the things that were going to happen that day. He included in this portion of "my writing" that I finally realized it was in fact, one big poem, and not several smaller ones. He then read them all together and came to the spot where I had thought it ended. At this point, he said, "I have written more." All throughout the poem, he spoke of how much he loved and wanted to marry me. And these last few verses were no different. He stood up and by that point, I had pretty much checked out. By the end of the poem, he
had fumbled around, pulled out the ring shakily, was down on one knee, and for the last line said, "Candice Carnahan, will you marry me?" At this point, without even seeing the ring, I said "yes." I don't actually remember this but Kevin told me what I said, because I had completely checked out and was totally floored. I hugged him. And then actually looked at the beautiful ring and put it on. And as we were leaving, he kissed me for the first time ever, and called me his fiancee. I was, at this point, completely floored. I had no clue what to think or say. In fact, I almost ran into his car I was so floored. I have since found out that this poem was broken up into different parts. Each part focused on some attribute of myself that Kevin adores. He focused each part on how it relates to our marriage and what it will bring to it. I never got the hint at all and never realized it until he showed me all of the poems with each poem labeled with its focus the next day.
Then we went to this beautiful restaurant in Peoria Heights called Seven. We walked in the door and Kevin turned to the manager and said, "I believe you have reservations for me." He never gave his name or anything. And then the guy just said of course and took us back to this booth. As we were walking up to it, I saw a little present sized bag on the table. And as we got closer, I saw my disciplor/ bible study leader from school, Megan, and her husband, Erik, (they just got married on
Aug 1st) and was once again completely floored. I loved that they were there and it couldn't have been more perfect. They stayed for a bit and gave us a book that helped them out during their engagement. We told them the story to some degree and got to share with them how happy we
were. There was also a beautiful full bouquet of fragrant flowers, which were much prettier than the dead ones he had showed up at the door with.
After awhile, they left and we had dinner together. I was so excited I was no longer hungry. I ended up only had a few bites of my food (fillet mignons with garlic mashed potatoes mmm...). I couldn't hardly eat anything at all. As we left the restaurant, we got stopped by several people asking what the occasion was and asking to hear the story. So, here it is...

Engagement Night

His Perspective

(Written by Kevin the day after)
I’m engaged now! Yesterday I was very anxious all day and couldn’t eat breakfast as a result. Work seemed to drag on forever also…it never seemed to end! I randomly decided to pick some wildflowers to give to Candice when I picked her up. It helped me perpetuate the idea that this was just a special night (our eleventh monthiversary in fact) but not too special. I really wanted her to be surprised! By the time I made it to her house they were dead, drooping, and shriveling... really quite pathetic looking. This was disappointing, but Candice never expected her proposal evening to start with dead flowers! While we were at her house her dad called me a loser for skipping Amplify (bible study)! That helped me surprise Candice also. :) Candice knew that her parents knew when I was going to propose and she thought her dad was being serious… In the end she had her suspicions but given it was a Thursday and we are both working she still didn't know for sure.
We drove up to Peoria Heights. I wanted to drive all the way up Grandview Drive but ended up taking a wrong turn. After a few corrections and guesses, we made it to the scenic point with the parking and picnic spot up on the hill. It was beautiful! I was afraid it was going to be too hot, but it was shaded with a nice breeze, absolutely perfectly cool and wonderful! Then I told her that we were early and had awhile to wait for our reservations. I told her that I really wanted to tell her a story. So I grabbed the journal and we went and sat on the bench over-looking the river.
As I started reading she realized what I had done with the journal. She was surprised and loved it! The journal was very quirky and corny in a lot of places but she laughed a lot and was very happy. A few times she would make a comment about something, and then the next line in the journal was exactly what she had just said! She certainly realized what was happening as I kept reading. A few times she couldn't even look at me... but she was still paying attention! She was also surprised that I put all those stickers in it! The journal also had a lot of quirky grammar issues and spelling issues that made it that much more perfect and Kevin-esque. As you can tell I’m not a great writer.
At the end of the journal I finished it with an entry from August 13th... that day! In that entry, I explained things in present tense like she was just realizing them as she was! Perfect! Things like "Now I know why he was so tired all the time." I spent many late nights trying to finish everything and of course she knew nothing about it! She also had no idea that all the poems were one big poem about her and the many reasons that I love her.
I finished it all by restating all of the poems in order and ending with 9 extra lines in which I proposed. As I said the last line, I couldn't find the ring in my pocket! With tears coming, I proposed. She barely glanced at the ring as she said "yes" and hugged me. At this point we were both (I thought, she refutes this point!) quite openly crying. We probably hugged for 30 seconds, 1 minute, 5 minutes, I don't really know. After that, still openly crying and chin trembling, I said "You still haven't looked at the ring!" I picked up the forgotten ring off of the bench and she put it on. Perfect fit!
I told her that I loved her and carried her to the observation point, skirt and all! We (or maybe just me) were still crying... saying that we loved each other. At thus point it was already 7:30. As we walked to the car I decided to kiss her. That was not part of my original plan. I then called her my fiancee for the first time, after I kissed her for the first time! She almost ran into the car after that! Perfect!
We drove to a parking lot behind the restaurant and parked. She didn't know where we were or where we were going. I walked her to the strip and into Seven on Prospect, a Cosmopolitan Grill. As I walked up to the manager, Joe, he looked and smiled. I said, "I believe you have a reservation for me." Without saying my name he nodded and walked us, slowly and carefully, to our booth.
And then Candice realized that Megan and Erik (close friends from U of I) were hiding in our booth waiting for us! There was also a large bouquet of lavender and white flowers. The look on Candice's face was priceless. For the next 15 minutes she barely said anything except for "wow" and nervous laughter. She just gazed into my eyes in the most loving manner. She was very surprised and very thrilled that Megan was there. They gave us a book about marriage by John Piper. Candice was very surprised and distracted and could not concentrate on anything for a length of time. Between the proposal, kiss, ring, being called fiancee, flowers, Megan & Erik, she had a lot going on that she couldn't process! :) Perfect!
The waitress gave us about 20 minutes to get settled and to order. Candice finally got around to telling Megan the story. It was a great time of joy, laughter and happiness.
We finally ordered. Fillet Mignon medium-rare for Candice. Chicken and goat cheese for me! First we had some bread, warm and crispy on the outside, warm and soft on the inside with and awesome olive/antipasto topping!
The food was delicious and the calling/texting of people had begun! Erik took a photo of Candice's ring on her hand for us. Candice called her mom first and texted Heather the first picture. I called home, talked to Dad as Mom wasn’t home just then. Candice was starving when we left her house early in the evening but she only had two or three bites of her meal! I guess she had a lot on her mind right then… By that time all my surprises were over and I was certainly hungry and ready to eat.
We took some pictures at the restaurant and I spilled lemonade all over myself. Megan and Erik had to go drive down to Champaign so they left early and did not eat. While we were leaving, I stopped the manager and thanked him very much for all his help, in the middle of the restaurant. As people noticed the huge bouquet of flowers, the conversations around us slowly stopped and the looks on people's faces slowly changed from curiosity to wonder as they realized what had happened earlier tonight! After walking out, some random guys saw the flowers and asked what the occasion was. So we told them and they were very interested in the story! Afterwards one of the guys asked for Candice's name. It turns out that two of the guys knew Rob, her step-father. We finally got back to the car and drove to Amplify to meet Jill and Aaron. Jill took the flowers and our leftover food back home for us. We ended up catching Jill outside the building and Candice told the story for the 3rd time of the night.
Then we went inside and talked to Aaron along with some of Aaron’s friends and Amplify leaders (including my bible study leader). Story telling #4 was to Aaron (her father) and that group. Then I stepped over to officially introduce Candice as my fiancee to several of my peers and friends that were in the same room. Since it was a loud room filled with people, they didn’t hear the story. So Candice was able to tell the story for a fifth time to our group of friends there. Some of my friends were in Morton that evening and I wanted to catch them that night also, so we left soon after that.
As we left for Morton, I carried Candice outside and that got some stares and another "congratulations!" from some women on the street. On the way to Morton, I called Stephanie and let Candice talk to her for #6! Then I call Michael and told him all about it. Mom called me while we were at the Waterhouse (Amplify). I went to Jordan’s mom’s house and he gave me two bear hugs; one for me and one for Candice (he didn’t know if it was appropriate to hug Candice). #7 was to Justin and Jordan. That was the last one that evening.
I was emotionally, physically and in every way exhausted after leaving the restaurant. As you now know we still saw many other people throughout the night and did a lot of driving. After getting back to Candice’s house (back in Peoria) around 11:45, we laid down for a while together. I fell asleep. Perfect!
Here is a list of things that I didn’t plan on but made the night that much better:
Wildflowers – more specifically dead wildflowers
Aaron’s comment about me skipping Amplify
Missing the Grandview drive turn
Grammar errors and misspellings in the journal
Crying
Kissing
Carrying Candice in a skirt
What I said to the manager
Garlic mashed potatoes in a wine glass
Spilling lemonade all over myself
Megan and Erik’s gift
Random people that stopped and talked to us!

Afghanistan: Number 19

My MSG calls this the "gated community"

Ok everyone, so I know I have been a couple of days behind recently.  But this has been my trend this whole deployment.  I think my first posts were on Mondays and I seem to have worked my way to Saturdays, which may be my new normal.  Who knows?  But regardless, here is my new post in my same old boring way.  Post 19, week 22.

Mental: Lean Six Sigma and I have actually had a pretty good week.  I sent my data in to get my initial run through the software and am waiting for the results from that.  I ran through my define template and got that posted, which included by SIPOC (supplier input process output customer) map and got some ideas done for what my customer and what the business wants.  I have been working on my process map and am probably near a 75% solution on that.  Once I finish that up and get my initial data measurements back, I will wrap up my measure phase and turn that in.  I am expecting to have that done within the week and then move on to analyse my data.  After that, it is just making some improvements, doing another measurement and then finalizing my controls.  Some I am happy with the progress I have made and feel like I am actually gaining ground and momentum. 

Physical:  My workouts have been steady and I am definitely progressing.  This morning, I ran 6 miles in 51:30  which averages just over an 8:30 pace, which is perfect because my goal is to do ten miles (for the army ten miler in October) at at least an 8:30 pace.  I need to add a little bit more to my workouts though.  I need to add biking so that I can focus on my heart rate, at least until I get a heart rate monitoring watch.  I need to focus on spending longer period at 85% of my maximum heart rate and slowing down to not less than 65% which means trying to stay around 170 and not dipping below 130.  (To calculate target heart rate, take 220- your age and multiply by 50% to 85%.  This is the range most often recommended by sports medicine people.  They say if you are just starting out, aim 50-65%, fairly active people should aim for 65-75% and very active people should aim for 75%-85%.  I am aiming towards 85% to help increase my cardiovascular endurance.  I want my lower limit to be 65% because I want to make sure I am maximizing my workouts.  And I round up to the nearest ten, because whole numbers are much easier to remember).  So, my goal is to at least once a week do: a run over five miles (gradually increasing towards ten), a 2.5 mile run (.5 mile warm up), sprints day (focusing on distance, time, or heart rate), bike day (focusing on heart rate over time), abs day and upper body day.  We shall see how this goes.  It should become easier as this is my last day fasting from meat and will be enjoying some fish and lean protein being added back into my diet.

Financial: Well, the stock I own hit 10% gain this week, but it is still trending up.  I am expected it to gain at least 20% for me and will probably keep it a fair while longer than that.  It is a tech company with a good product and few competitors, so I (and the analysts) are still predicting it to trend up.  It's looking pretty good and I am satisfied.  I didn't buy the stock I mentioned last week because I realized I didn't want to buy another stock to hold.  Instead, I am very carefully watching another stock.  I was hoping it would drop recently, but it keeps going up.  Their earnings report comes out on 12 AUG and their EPS is around 2.7.  It looks like a good company and I may just have to suck the egg and buy at a higher price than I had originally intended.  It looks like it is also going to go up though, so I will still turn a sizable profit on it.  But we will see what this week holds. 

Emotional:  I don't have much of an update on this one.  I still am feeling very tired, and my wonderful doctor gave me a few tips as to why that might be.  All in all, it is a mixture of the environment and my change in diet.  It is probably a good reflection of not getting enough protein and eating more carbs.  The goal is to switch from that to more lean meat and vegetables, less refined grains and sugars.  This will probably be as close to a "paleo" diet as I will ever get, because I love my processed foods.  But I also understand that I need to correct the imbalance I have likely made so that I can start feeling better,  Thankfully, the protein thing will change tomorrow.   So if that's the issue, then hopefully I will be less tired.  I am ready to wake up easier and not be exhausted by all the normal things that I do.
But I am finding myself ready to go home and be with my husband more and more.  Normally, I don't think about it much because then it makes everything else harder, but I have found that it creeps into my mind more and more recently.  We are trying to plan a vacation, but I have been very burnt out on planning.  I am mostly just ready to get home and don't care much about what happens when I get there, except that I cannot wait to cook my own food! 

Spiritual: I have been doing well at reading my bible and praying both morning and night.  I feel like I have really been growing during my time of fasting (officially 40 days without meat!) but am ready  to return to my normal.  I think that fasting will become a more regular occurrence in my spiritual life and am very grateful both for what it has taught me about myself and also for what it has taught me about God.  I am in a better place in so many ways and am so thankful for my experiences the last 40 days.  It has made me stronger and more dependent at the same time.  Except now, instead of dependency on others to make me happy or scratch my intellectual itch or work out with or entertain me, I rely on God.  Where before I found comfort in others, now I find comfort in the Lord.  I have always had peace, but I am starting to finally understand "peace that surpasses ALL understanding."  I have experienced far less anxiety and worry than I have in years past.  It might seem like apathy to some, but really, it is about knowing that I am not in control, I never was and that's ok.  Worrying will not add a second to my life but it will certainly take away many if I let it. 

I am planning a mini-blog series that covers some quick bible study topics that you can go over with those that are new to Christianity, or might even serve as evangelical tools.  I will be writing them in conjunction with my studying for my time with my new disciple.  My plan is to have some five-ten minute study tools that focus on some surface level topics. That way they can spark conversations that take us where she needs to go, not just where I am trying to lead. 

Wife: Reflection on Our Wedding Vows

Us in our natural state

Since it is my anniversary, it naturally makes me reflect on the last three years.  Kevin and I have been through a lot! And I do mean a lot!  But I think what amazes me most is that our covenant is everlasting and I live in that every day.  I can honestly say that the understanding of God that marriage gives me most is what eternity looks like and what eternity means.  It is something as normal and commonplace as dinner together and it is as vast as loving someone you are nowhere near.  It is both the everyday, existing with in time, and the eternal, existing outside of it. 

Kevin and I have not been together for an anniversary yet.  Maybe our fourth year will be the charm.  But of course, it leaves me reflecting on the time that we have shared.  He has been with me through sickness (and a LOT of it) and through health.  He has been with me through school, through training, through my first two years in the Army, through an NTC rotation, through my first deployment, my first promotion, through his father's death, through him starting a new job, us moving across the country to Colorado, through raising two little puppies and so much more.  And yet, all of these things are so simple, so natural, and just a part of life. It doesn't surprise me that we have been together through them. It doesn't surprise me that we come out on the other side stronger than we were before we tackle each obstacle.

Marriage is the thing that feels common. It feels ordinary. It is the everyday. But it is also from the divine. It gives me the most security and peace I have ever felt outside the cross. It is the most assurance I have known outside of salvation. It is part of my identity and yet does not define me. It is both my cross and my blessing. It is the place that causes me the most joy and (on rare occasion) the most pain.

Kevin is still the most amazing man I have ever met.  He is the first person outside of my family to show me what sacrificial love looks like.  He has always been willing and happy to let me have my way over him pushing his.  He is someone who I can have any conversation with.  He is very intelligent and very down to earth.  He is my spiritual leader, my counselor, my disciplor, my mentor, my teacher, my editor, my provider, my protector, my comforter, my lover, my friend and I am so overjoyed to know that all of this comes together in two amazing words: my husband. With him, I am my most vulnerable and my most free.  I have the utmost respect for him.  And the most astounding thing to me is that he chose me as his wife.

And on this day three years ago, my husband and I stood in front of our family and friends to enter a covenant before God.  It was on that day where we said these vows.

My husband:
I vow to you these things which I can only fulfill by the grace of God.
As Christ loves the church so I vow to give myself daily for your sake.
As Christ serves the church so I vow to serve you with humility, patience, and love.
As Christ provides for the church so I vow to provide for your needs.
As Christ makes the church more like himself so I vow to point you to Him in all things.
As Christ leads His church so I vow to lead you as I follow Christ.
And just as Christ has promised never to leave or forsake His church so I vow to never depart from or abandon you, for richer or forpoorer, in sickness and in health. For better or for worse Until death do us part

Me:
I vow to you these things which I can only fulfill by the grace of God.
As the church is to respect Christ unconditionally so I vow to respect you also.
As the church is to love Christ above all others so I vow to delight in you alone.
As the church is to submit to Christ so I vow to submit to you.
As the church is to represent Christ in all that she does so I vow to represent you with dignity and honor.
As the church is to serve Christ so I vow to serve you with humility and patience.
And just as the church will forever remain the bride of Christ so I vow to never depart from or abandon you, for richer or for poorer In sickness and in health. For better or for worse Until death do us part

Afghanistan: Number 17

Ok, so I am a day late, but at least I am not a dollar short.  Here is my 17th blog post from Afghanistan for my 20th week.  Life has been pretty good and also pretty bland here in Afghanistan.  So I will just jump right in in my usual style.

Mental:  I have really been doing a ton for Lean Six Sigma and I had better get my butt on it in the next week or I am going to find myself in some trouble.  I am already behind from starting over and I can't honestly say I have made much effort to do any better.  But I have been challenging my brain in other ways through book reading and studying.  But I will touch on that under the spiritual paragraph, so I won't touch on it now.

Financial: I finally bought another stock.  It has a high EPS of about 8.26 and their next earnings report comes out Thursday.    I bought it the other day and currently haven't made anything on it, but long term, it seems like this stock is just continuing to climb.  I actually owned it a couple of months ago and it has gained a lot since then.  I kind of wish I had held onto it, but cest la vie.  I am going to watch it carefully for the next few days to see what it does.  I am expecting this to be a short to mid-term stock.  I have been looking at several others too, but I want to be at a safer point with this one first.  Within the first few days of buying a stock, even if you sell it, the money isn't available right away.  So in another day or so, I will probably make my next purchase.

Physical: It has been a good workout week for me.  I only missed one workout day, which was more because I had miscalculated the time accidentally and woke up too late.  And as I have been working out more, I have found that my appetite has been decreasing (which generally happens to me when I am getting into a consistent schedule).  Unfortunately, because I haven't been as hungry, I also haven't been getting my green drinks in.  So I need to make sure I am keeping up good habits there.  I also need to learn to balance my running speed.  Since I have started incorporating sprints and going faster for shorter periods of time, I am starting out too fast on some of my longer runs and am burning out too quickly.  Which is an issue because I am still planning on running the army ten-miler in October.  I want to run that at an 8:30-9:00 mile but I keep taking off at a 7:30 pace and burning out.  I need to get used to both distances and train my body to do it.  And what I really need is to be able to run at night.  I always end up sucking wind in the mornings because it just keeps getting hotter the longer I go.  Or I need to get up earlier... which I am not good at. 

Emotional: This week has been a good one.  I am connecting really well with my husband and we seem to be at the best place we have been this whole deployment.  To be honest though, I think we have just in the process of constant improvement in our relationship since I got here.  I still question as to whether or not I am a good wife and if I really can be when I am so far away, but as I see my marriage prosper, I guess I have to answer that yes.  I think the reality is, God's got this and I don't need to worry about it.  I just need to respect and love my husband and the rest will fall into place.  But that isn't always easy, especially as I am within a week of my anniversary and have to square with the fact that I have never been with my husband on our anniversary.

I also feel at a good place emotionally in my workplace.  I feel like I am connecting with others better and am not as impatient as I first was.  Since we moved to Bagram, it feels like we are all cramped, all the time.  And that really used to bother me at first.  But now we are reaching a point of greater cohesion and I am enjoying the relationships I am building.

My morning journaling

Spiritual:  Well, the biggest update here is that I pretty much finished my first exegesis (a paper on a specific topic or text, usually in reference to a religious document) regarding the doctrine of covenants.  I am not going to go into it here much, but I completed my first draft, had Kevin review it and made some updates.  It is currently 17 pages in length.  I think I am going to find some ways to break it up into smaller chunks and get rid of some of the details to post here on my blog.  Don't worry though, I will make the full length text available to you too.  This has been quite the under taking and has taken me a little over a week to complete.  It involved a lot of reading and research and has been mentally taxing and spiritually draining.  But I also think this is part of the reason why God has called me into a time of fasting and prayer.

I have also been doing really well at keeping up with my reading and praying.  I find that an hour in the mornings is almost too little to read and pray, but that really seems dependent on what I am reading, how much and how much is sticking with me.  I have been enjoying taking notes of everything in the mornings because it helps me to see the fruits of my efforts over time.  I am also still praying for the guy in my unit that I have been praying for pretty much since we got here.  I think I am nearing 150 days straight of praying for him, and plan to continue doing so.  I have also continued to fast and pray for my friends who I love dearly but am not on the terms I would like to see us on.  But such is life and I am good with giving both of these cases over to God and let Him answer them to me in His own way and in His own time.  For now, I will just keep praying.