Baby: It's a...!!!!!

We are officially 21 weeks which means we are over halfway to meeting our sweet baby!  And as we passed our 20 week mark, we had our twenty week ultrasound.  And with that comes our first chance to see our baby's gender.  And the great news is... It's a boy!!!!

20 weeks, 11 oz and due on October 18th!

Now, for those of you who haven't heard, Kevin guessed the gender within 5 minutes of the second line appearing on the stick!  He very boldly declared that it was a boy and hasn't wavered from that since. His mom was, from my understanding, just as certain as he was.  Meanwhile, my mom was quite certain we were having a girl.

I was pretty much just on the fence in the beginning of the pregnancy.  When we had our first ultrasound between weeks 11 and 12, the first thing I said when I saw baby was "wow, look at him!"  But that is as close as I ever got to guessing the gender.  And even then, I didn't feel any certainty.  And while Kevin was still guessing it was a boy, we both knew we wouldn't have any disappointment either way.

Farney family (Kevin's Dad is center)

Now the next question is always, do we have a name picked out and if so, are we telling people.  The answer to both is yes.  Not surprisingly, we had our names picked out before we even got pregnant.  Our son's name is Joshua David Farney.  It was a pretty easy choice.  In Kevin's family, the boys' middle names are normally named after a family member.  And this being the first baby boy since Kevin's Dad has passed, we knew we wanted to name him after him.  So, that is where the middle name David came from.  We also knew we wanted to name our children after people in the bible, with names that have meanings that we hope our children strive for.  We want the names to help shape the identity and personality of our children.  Aside from David being the name of Kevin's Dad, it also means "beloved" which is very fitting for our little boy.  After picking the middle name, we went through a lot of options for the first name before finally landing on Joshua, which means "YAHWEH is salvation".  We thought both names not only had rich meaning, but are also named for two very strong biblical figures whose lives' are worth emulating.  So there it is, Joshua David Farney (or J.D. if he so chooses).

20 weeks!

As a quick pregnancy update, I will say that the morning sickness is completely over (Praise the Lord!).  However, it has been pretty much replaced with acid reflux.  It doesn't seem to matter what I eat, some days it is just worse than others.  Most of the time it is manageable, though if it gets much worse, I am probably going to need to start sleeping in a chair instead of my comfy bed.  It has already stopped me from running (which was upsetting my stomach even more), so that's a bummer.  Aside from that, I am experiencing low back pain and a slight return to my energy levels. I am extremely thankful not to have swollen feet, stretch marks or spider veins and am hoping none of those are coming.  I also started feeling flutters at my 18th week.  My placenta has a front position (though off centered to the right) so I mostly feel baby's movements when his feet are on my left side.   The movements are becoming more pronounced and I can feel a larger variety of movements every day.  Kevin, of course, is really looking forward to when he will be able to feel Joshua moving too!

We are still planning on a pond themed nursery (turtles and froggies and ducks! Oh my!) with mostly green and yellow.  I might go a little crazy every time I see something with a frog or turtle, but I haven't bought anything since we found out (mostly because Kevin has been the voice of reason on the matter)!  I have spent a fair amount of time on Pinterest, and etsy.com looking at nursery ideas though.  It's really addicting!  I also started registering for a few items at target.com (though will probably add a lot more when baby is closer to coming home).  And last night, we went to Babies R Us to do our main registry.  I won't lie, it is really hard to look at all the cute baby stuff without buying anything!  In case you are interested in seeing all the cute things I have found, all the links are posted below.  It is going to be hard to be patient and wait for baby showers, but I am sure Kevin will help keep me sane/ practical!

BabiesRUs - Baby Registry
Target
Etsy
Pinterest

Life: Glad to be home

New patio

So, I have been home for a few weeks now and really haven't stopped since I arrived.  Last week Kevin and I started renovating our kitchen and should be done late tonight.  We also had a patio put in in our backyard.  It's been a little crazy, but in a good way.  And it isn't stopping as this week my family (Mom, stepdad, brother, aunt and two cousins) are coming into town to visit.  We will be hosting Thanksgiving at our house and that brings the total to at least 11 for dinner.  So we have a busy schedule coming up for the next week and then a couple of (hopefully) more relaxing weeks before heading back to Illinois for Christmas and then on to Mexico for a romantic week away with my husband!

The current state of my kitchen

So a few quick updates...
Patio's done
Kitchen's done (almost)
Looks like I have a new job at a new unit lined up (more to follow once it is official).
I am getting my wisdom teeth pulled after Thanksgiving and will start the process of seeing if I am eligible for Lasik.
My stocks are doing really well (at on point this week I checked and saw that I had a 60% gain off my initial investment).
I finished reading through the whole bible this year (after about 9 months of reading) and am going to start a doing a new study on love.
Kevin and I are creating life goals for our family and things we want to do and achieve (we are doing this over several weeks, so once that's done, it will probably be it's own blog post).
I haven't been working out hardly at all and need to get back in the swing of things, especially before going home.  But we are planning on getting some skiing and hiking next week, so that will be good.

Ok, for now, I need to get back to putting my kitchen together and cleaning my house so I can drive to Denver tomorrow and pick up my beautiful Aunt and wonderful cousins.

Afghanistan: Number 25 (My last post from Afghanistan!)

Our transfer of authority ceremony

Alright everyone.  This is it.  I am going home.  Many of you have asked if I know when.  The answer to that is yes, but I cannot share it.  I can share after we have moved, but will not be able to tell you our next movement dates or times of anything like that.  Once I get back into the U.S. will be a different story, but for now, just know that within the next week or so, I will be home!  So here it is, my last post and the end of this part of my journey.

Playing volleyball in our free time...

Mental: I am having some frustrations in this department honestly.  I have not completed my second black belt project because I am still waiting to receive my data.  This is through no fault of my own and I can honestly say that I have no grand appreciation for the speed at which contractors move.  However, I did have an interview last Friday with a Brigadier General and have been officially endorsed to go to school and certify as a Lean Six Sigma Master Black Belt.  Unfortunately, we are still awaiting the exam results to go with it, so once we get the score key (a huge debacle because of the furlough), my qualifying exam will be scored and I will submit my packet.  Then there are about 5,000 more hurdles to go, but I plan on just taking them as they come.  Lord willing, I have a tremendous amount of potential in this area.

Physical: As you already now, I received the highest score possible on my Army Physical Fitness Exam just a couple of weeks ago (a 300).  My other goal of the six pack... well... I guess I will call it success.  I don't need to flex for it to be visible, but I am not seeing a lot of definition.  It's probably from all the ice cream I eat.  Regardless, I am at the lowest weight I have been in the last four years or so and am overall happy with the way I look and feel (even though I was also happy before).  I still intend to try to keep up the momentum when I get back and keep my run time down.

Can you tell I am not very good?

Financial: Well, my stocks have been up and down this week.  Both of my stocks have been near or surpassed their 52 week highs this week and then have dropped back down into a respectable range.  I am still planning on holding onto them.  I'm not the most financially savvy person I know, but both stocks are looking pretty strong and are significantly higher than what I bought them at.  Hopefully I don't forget about the too much once I am back stateside.

Seriously though, I had no idea  what I was doing.

Emotional:  This is a weird one in preparation for coming home.  People don't seem to understand that going home for a Soldier is in some ways, more difficult than leaving.  We train and prepare to leave but don't do much for coming back.  I haven't been alone or had a day off since I got here.  Going home, living with my husband, having to cook for myself and grocery shop and pick out clothes and drive myself around are all going to be transitions for me to get back into the hang of things.  I might never be alone here, but I haven't had to share my life with anybody either.  There is no one I had to talk to and take care of at the end of the day.  This is not to say at all that I am not completely excited to come home, because I really am, but it is a forewarning that this is a transition for me.  Getting back into a schedule will take time and patience.  On a somewhat similar note, I have been praying recently that God would help me fall more in love with my husband than I have ever been before.  This has been my constant pray over the last week and I can already feel it being answered.  I cannot wait to get back to my love, my groom, my companion, my husband.  To see him, to touch him, to be touched by him, to speak with him freely, to sleep next to him, to be with him... I cannot wait.

Spiritual: How good are you at being still? As in Psalm 46:10 "'Be still and know that I am God'..."  I am not very good at being still.  I have had issues being still my whole life.  Call it ADHD, call it hyperactive, call it over-thinking, over-analytical... Whatever name you want to give it. I don't think I have ever truly been still.  And honestly, I am not sure I know any women (or even men) who have told me they figured this one out.  We seem hard-wired for multi-tasking and calming chaos in our homes.  Our jobs and our lives seem to never demand stillness.  I used to even confuse stillness with laziness, but have since realized that it is actually the opposite.  But I digress.  Let me first say that my to do list for getting home is a mile long.  I am trying to get into school for my Lean Six Sigma Master Black belt, I am running against the clock to get a new job, the cabinets in our kitchen need redone, I want to build a green house and start a garden (some day down the road I want to have chickens and some day further after that, I want to try bee keeping), I want to do some minor landscaping in the back yard, plant some trees and bushes, buy a gun, get my concealed carry license, build new shelves in our closet, continue building a multi-media server for our house, create a planter outside my bay window, create cushions to sit in the bay window, potentially add a shower to our downstairs bathroom, build a fire pit, go to Illinois, go on vacation to Mexico, learn French and get LASIK.  Now, these are things I am thinking about for my next year home, but you can see that I have a lot of plans in front of me.  And I was nearly giddy trying to pick which one I wanted to tackle first (and when I say one, I mean a minimum of 3 because that's how I operate). I haven't had a day off on this deployment and if I am not running around doing something, I am sleeping or talking about the next thing I am working on.

So you can probably see now where the Holy Spirit intervened as a blessing to my dear husband (who was probably overwhelmed by my planning).  Still is not my forte.  Still is not watching t.v. or going for a walk.  It is literally still.  It is stopping the mind from wandering and planning, stopping my mouth from moving and just living at peace.  Others might call it meditation or clearing the mind, but really it's stillness.  And we don't really get any of this as a culture.  Stillness is most clear to me in my understanding of God's command to take a Sabbath.  Rest. Be still.  Remember God's still got this.  I used to think that still was passive, mostly because that helped justify my lack of being still.  Then I realized how active a task it is.  Ask a five year old (or me for that matter) to sit still.  See how long that lasts.  It is a rather arduous chore.  Better yet, I can't seem to truly clear my mind for more than a minute at a time.  But I bet if I worked on stillness that time would get longer.  If you read Psalm 46, you see that our God is very active.  It is in our stillness that we can see that it not us, but He who is running it all.  It is in our stillness that we come to know God.  Knowing God is being able to see Him, His heart, and His movement in our lives.  If I am always moving, I confuse myself into thinking that everything is my doing.  It's my "thanks God, but clearly I've got this one," kind of moments.  My activity causes me to get distracted by MY thoughts and MY actions and MY works in MY time.  Stillness is a time to reflect on GOD's thoughts and GOD's actions and GOD's works in GOD's time.  I am my own biggest distraction from God.  I create a whole world of distractions that I call "productive" "necessary" "useful" "important" etc.  So instead, when I get home, I am going to focus my time on learning to be still first and incorporating that into my Sabbath's and my every day life.  One thing I do know, if I can't figure out how to be still as a wife, I am really going to struggle to figure it out once we have kids.  I am ready to be still and know that He is God.

Afghanistan: Number 24

Clearer view of mountains after rain

Alright, so I am a few days late.  This was kind of intentional, as I didn't want to post on my birthday, which was Sunday.  I turned 25 and as you might imagine, it was really just another day in Bagram.  It was a normal Sunday, in that I got up, video chatted with Kevin, had the morning off, went to lunch, then work then church after dinner.  Unfortunately, we had a rocket attack that night that was probably the first one that actually scared me, but at least it happened after midnight and not technically on my birthday.  Aside from that, it rained on my birthday, which is the first time I have seen rain since June (it technically rained for a few minutes last week, but I didn't know it was happening, so I didn't see it). But all in all, it was a regular day in Afghanistan.  So here goes another post for Afghanistan, knowing I should be home in just a few weeks.

Physical:  No new updates on this one, and there probably won't be much the rest of my time here.  Now that I have maxed my APFT, my fitness goals are pretty much complete.  I am probably in better shape than I have been in a long time, but I have never really been out of shape so that isn't saying much.  The goal now is to maintain when I get back, and that will be very difficult when I am back to the land of good food.

Financial: So there isn't a ton new to report here.  I did learn something new the other day though.  Basically I learned that if I hold onto my stocks for under a year, I am taxed on my gains in my current bracket (25%) but if I hold onto them more than a year, they will be taxed at 15%.  So I think I am going to try to hold onto both my stocks for the next year if I can.  And since I am getting so close to going home, I think I will even share what those stocks are.  One of them is Home Inns & Hotel Management Inc (HMIN) and Yandex (YNDX) which is basically the Russian version of Google.  Both are doing well for me and looking pretty strong.

Mental: So Lean Six Sigma is going well.  I am working on a second black belt project right now that basically covers proper planning within the Army.  Overall, I am showing that proper use of Army planning and design models paired with Lean Six Sigma can save the Army a lot of money compared to just picking projects not aligned with already set planning efforts.  My second project is going to help me get certified in Lean Six Sigma on the civilian side, since I already have my certification all settled on the military side.  This is also going to help me pursue my Master black belt.  Really, in the next week or so, I need to brief a General Officer from our division my path and plan for certification.  If he approves it, then I will be going to school for it next year, most likely.  If not, then it is dead in the water and I will just maintain my black belt.

Emotional:  So this one has been pretty good.  Life has been pretty easy going recently and I am very thankful for that.  I am also very happy that my replacement is here and we are officially starting our change over training.  She is catching on quickly and I think that change over process should be pretty seamless.  Once the new unit officially takes over in a couple of weeks, we will start heading home.  I think during that time of travel, I will be doing some automatic blog posts.  I am planning on doing a "stuff I learned on this deployment" post.  I am working on it now and am just debating whether I should break it up into a miniseries, or keep it all together.  Once I have everything written out, I will probably decide which to go with.  Honesty, I have learned a lot while I have been here.  Things haven't been easy, but I know that I have learned a lot from the experience.

Spiritual:  So I have been continuing in prayer and reading.  In my prayer life, I have been praying very consistently for certain individuals throughout the deployment. I am not seeing any sort of answer to that prayer, but I am glad to have stuck by a spiritual discipline for over 200 days.  In my reading, Kevin and I caught up to where we intended to be.  We started reading through the bible chronologically in March and it is broken up over a year period.  So back in July, we decided to read two passages a day until we got caught up to the right day.  Oddly enough, it just so happened to work out that we were caught up on my birthday.  We enjoyed reading so much, we decided to continue doing two-a-days.  Which should have us done before the end of November.  

Afghanistan: Number 23

Picture of my puppies at bed time. Can't wait to get home.

Alright everyone, so here is my 23rd post from Afghanistan and I should be back home in the next 4-5 weeks or so! It's very exciting to know that I have less than a month left in country.  I cannot believe that it is already here and I cannot wait to get home to my wonderful husband and cute puppies.  The closer I get to coming home, the more Kevin and I have started planning and preparing for what the next year or so might look like.  It is getting me very excited to come home!  So here is my 23rd update, per my usual style.


Financial: So, I still haven't sold either of my stocks, but that is because they are both doing very well from what I originally bought them at.  I actually surpassed a rather big land mark this week with them as I have officially made more than 50% on my original investment.  Right now, I am hovering around 55% and intend to hold both stocks for awhile.  The one's next earnings report comes out late in October and the other one's will come out in early November.  I plan on paying closer attention to them around that time, but both are looking like they will continue to go up over time.  And thankfully, with both of them, they are high enough that it is very doubtful they will fall so fast that I cannot sell off quickly.  I have alerts set up through my bank to let me know whenever they drop or gain significantly, so it makes it easier and I don't have to watch them.

Physical: Today I took my PT test and I scored a perfect 300. So that is another goal achieved.  Unfortunately, my run time wasn't what I wanted, but I screwed up my routine and threw myself off.  I decided to do one of my protein and green drinks. The protein was a great call, but the green stuff was a terrible idea.  Even though I took it nearly two hours before my run, it didn't feel like it digested at all.  I got to the turn around making great time, but on the way back (about the 1.5 mile mark) I started to feel like I was going to throw up. So I slowed down a little bit and told myself to hold it in until I crossed the finish line.  Which I did, but I added about 20 seconds to my time from the previous.  I need to continue working on my run time's because Colorado's elevation is about 2,000 ft higher than here.  I think working on the incline as well as working out during lunch times once I get back should help with that.  I did manage to get my 46 push ups and 100 sit ups though.  So, all in all, I can't complain.  Plus, I fired expert at the M16 range yesterday, so I guess it has been a good couple of days.

Mental:  So, I have some somewhat exciting news on this front.  First of all, they signed my DA 4187 and my certificate of completion for my Lean Six Sigma black belt.  So that is very exciting.  It should be added to my records soon, which will be the last step in this process.  But the second thing is that I might have a chance to get a Master Black Belt in Lean Six Sigma.  Basically, Master Black Belt's are instructors in Lean Six Sigma.  My instructor sent one of my products to his boss (who is a big deal with Lean Six Sigma in the Army) and he sent a response asking if I would be interested in potentially getting a Master Black Belt.  Now, this is definitely not for certain and there is a lot left to figure out.  To put it lightly, the training would come at a pretty penny and and they have to be very convinced that I am going to be successful and it will add value to the Army.  So, I am actually trying to knock out a second black belt project while I am still here.  This will not only help me to potentially become a Master Black Belt  candidate but it is also going to help me get a civilian certification as well (I want to take the ASQ when I get back, which gives me my civilian certification as well as my military).  I also need to take a qualifying exam and go through an interview process, so that will be a thing.  I have about three weeks to figure all this new craziness out.

Emotional: It has been a roller coaster of a week honestly, and it doesn't look to be stopping.  There is a lot going on with my unit right now, but also a lot going on in my life.  Honestly, Kevin and I are probably in the best place we have been this whole deployment, which is really encouraging given that I am just getting ever closer to going home. But there have been some difficult times too, but I think we are in a much better place now for it.  As for now, I am more excited than ever to get home to my husband and get back to my life with him.  We are so excited for the future and I think both of us are just really ready for me to get home.

Spiritual: So I had one of those moments this week where a verse in my reading just hit me like a ton of bricks.  The verse was Psalm 118:5 "In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free."  Sometimes it is just comforting to remember that we are free.  It's so easy to think I am burdened by God's commands, when the reality is, I am set free.  After all, Romans 8:1 says "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  The reality is, the judgment that should be reserved for me has already been paid at the cross.  It gives me the freedom to move and to love.  The freedom to love the Lord and love others without having to be afraid of screwing up.  Because the great thing is, God already knew my every failure prior to my birth, and He sent His son to die for me anyways.  I am free because the debt I owed has been paid.  

Afghanistan: Number 22

Me covered in filth at Sharana last month

Hey everybody.  Time for my twenty second post from this lovely country with less than six weeks until I am home!!  It's been a pretty awesome week and  am excited to share some updates.  The first of which is that I have pretty much packed everything up!  At least, kind of.  I have basically gone through and packed in such a way that I am sure all my stuff is going to fit.  Tomorrow, I will finish my Christmas shopping, load up the last bit of stuff, and then create my packing list.  Later this week, I will be loading two tuff boxes and a duffle bag into our containers.  After they get approved by customs, then our stuff will get shipped home.  My room will feel pretty empty once I load my stuff in the container, but I think I am good with that!

Mental: Lean Six Sigma is almost completely closed out for me!  The last bit is just getting my 4187 signed (saying that I officially completed the course) and then having it put on my records.  I don't know how long this will take, but it's not really in my hands. My part is done.  All in all, I saved the army over $10.7 mil in direct savings and over another $34 mil in cost avoidance.  It feels good to be done.  Plus, I have helped another black belt candidate finish his project, my section NCOIC finish his green belt project, my NCO finish his green belt project and then as needed helped three other NCOs with their green belt projects (two of which I am pretty sure are complete).  So, not only am I glad to be done, I am also glad to be able to help others reach that finish line as well.

The incline

Physical: So, I got a chance to do a sort of practice PT test while I was traveling this past week.  I thought about fully taking my PT test there because the altitude is much lower, but I am glad I didn't.  I did do push ups and the run route though I didn't do sit ups because doing that seemed like a poor choice on the road.  I managed to max both, but I was sucking on the run.  I think the fact that it was much hotter and there was a lot of sand and dust in the air, coupled with the fact that I was running a route I never had before in the dark made me run about 30 seconds slower than I have been in Bagram.  But even still, I think if I had run it in the morning during day light, I still would have been struggling to breathe.  So I will take my APFT next week with everyone else.  I am pretty confident I will get a 300 again and am really happy with that.  The goal though is to make sure it sticks when I get back.  I have already been thinking about my workouts and I think I am going to make sure I incorporate the incline ( which I have never done before and my goal is to be able to walk straight up it without stopping, and once I can do that, then run it) and also yoga into my workouts.  I will be doing PT in the mornings with my unit, but I want to make sure I am hitting the gym during lunch.  But the other part is making sure I don't eat a bunch of crap.  Unfortunately, we are coming back at pretty much the best food time of the year and after eating DFAC food all the time (I had steak the other night and I know that wasn't cow meat), it will be all to easy to gorge myself.  So a strict workout routine will have to be on the menu as well.

Financial: I don't have any real new updates here except that I am sitting at about a 50% gain on my initial investment.  I have two stocks that are doing quite well and I intend to hold on to them awhile longer.  Part of me is debating holding on to them longer term since I have already had them a month and a half and they have only been doing well for me.  I don't think either of them has dipped below my original buy price since I first picked them up.  But we shall see what they do in the next couple of weeks.  I might just hold them through their next earnings reports if they are looking promising.  Kevin and I are also about to hit that fun time of year where we discuss next years budget and savings plan.  It'll be nice to start figuring out what we want to do over the next year or so and set some solid goals with regards to our house, car and family.

Emotional:  I am not really sure how to categorize this next part, so I am going to put it here.  Right now, it is looking very likely that I will be going to a new unit when I get back to Fort Carson.  I don't have a specific job locked in at this point, but there are a few possibilities and all of them would be very good for me.  I got my first look at my annual review yesterday (even though it isn't due until November) and things are looking very promising.  I have been performing very well and because of that, my leadership is looking at giving me the opportunity to change units when I get back.  I am excited to take on a new job and am really ready for the change. I look forward to experiencing something brand new.  But there is a lot of unknowns that come with that.  I obviously don't have the job position taken yet, and nothing is really a guarantee until you have it in hand (and with the Army, even that may not mean much).  So with that, I also don't know what the hours will be like.  But the unknown makes it exciting for me.  It's one of the things I love about the Army, I can never really get bored.  I get to change jobs every year or so, change locations every few years and get a lot of unique opportunities.  I am slowly realizing that I actually really enjoy being in the Army, and I am surprisingly good at it.  It seems odd that this job that I picked when I was twelve really has ended up being such a good fit for me.  And though I do not know what the future holds (I have already been offered a job on the civilian side that looks potentially very appealing), I can say that I hope that whatever I end up doing, I bring God glory.

Spiritual: So, to be honest, I have been lacking a bit here.  I have been struggling to motivate myself to read my bible.  Right now, I am in Ezekiel, where he talks about the temple.  And just like reading Numbers or Leviticus, I just struggle to stay motivated and keep reading.  And that is not good, because I am actually supposed to be reading twice a day and recently, I have only been reading once.  So, now that I am nearly packed and don't have a lot of work on my plate, I am going to buckle down and get myself caught back up to where I am supposed to be.  Thankfully, I have not been struggling in my prayer life the way I have in my reading.  I have still been praying nightly and as a quick update, am still praying for my friend who doesn't know the Lord.  It has been nearly 200 nights of praying for him and it doesn't seem like any progress has been made.  But, I am starting to wonder if this prayer is not for him, but for me.  Maybe this is one of those things God has called me to just to teach me diligence and self control.  I will continue to pray for him as this deployment nears its end, but I have come to terms with the fact that this, like many of my other prayers, is not mine to demand an answer to.  Like so many other times, I am learning that patience is precious and that demanding answers doesn't make them come any sooner, and most frequently, just makes me look foolish.  So I will just have to learn some patience and love.

Afghanistan Number 21

Alright everyone, I know I have been slacking and haven't posted in about a month, but now that things have calmed down a lot, I am ready to get back to it.  This last month has been pretty crazy.  I have been traveling, working out in one of our yards doing some manual labor, spending time with great people and have awesome conversation with my husband.  The last month of so has been drastically life altering, but also very fast paced.  I have no idea how many weeks I have been here now, but I can tell you I have about six weeks left! So here we go!

Physical: Ok, so this one is disappointing. I missed the Army ten-miler here in Bagram.  It was actually this morning, but I didn't know until 1500  yesterday afternoon (not enough time to recover and hydrate properly).  Plus, I ended up getting a killer headache last night.  So that little nugget has fallen through.  I have been working longer hours again, which was sacrificing my PT time by a lot.  So I made a new routine.  Now, instead of trying to go in the morning or evening, I go in the middle of the afternoon when I have down time.  I think I am going to try to keep this up when I get back to Fort Carson by going to the gym during lunch.  Before I left, I would travel back and forth from home multiple times a day.  To help save on our budget (updated financial goals), we are looking for ways to cut out the little things and this is definitely one of them.  Plus, it has the added benefit of me getting a good workout in during lunch. I have a PT test in a few weeks as well, and my goal is to get another 300 before going back home and eating really yummy food again.  But we will see how it all falls.

Our new 2014 Ford Escape!

Financial: My stocks are doing really well.  I am currently holding two of them that have provided some good gains for me.  Both are kind of plateaued, but they plateaued high enough that I am just keep them.  Right now, I have basically made 50% return on my initial investment.  I could definitely see myself doing this some more, but I haven't had a ton of time to devote to it.  I need to start looking at some potential new buys before the next set or quarterly earnings comes out.  Aside from that, Kevin and I have made some new financial goals.  We just bought our first car together (a 2014 Ford Escape Titanium, which we love!) and have decided we will probably not be moving again next year.  There are several factors going into that decision (like the new car!), but also the fact that I haven't really got to live in my house (or any place) for very long and I would like to take the time to start a garden, redo gutters, redo cabinets, plant some bushes and so on and so forth.  And I don't want to be rushing to do that before next spring.  So Kevin and I have decided to just say in the house we are in and try to get that paid off as quickly as possible.  We are also looking at ways to reduce our budgets.  Aside from trying to drive less, we are also looking at ways we can keep costs down and try to basically live on one income, with the other completely providing discretion to pay extra off the house and do projects and vacations and things.  Basically, we want one income to frame our spending and the other income to frame our saving in such a way that we can give money away, invest and just have fun. 

Our new garden window!

Mental: I finished my Lean Six Sigma project!!! Can you believe it?!  I ultimately reduced my standard deviation (Six sigma) and shifted my mean (lean).  It is now being submitted, and once that is done, I will have a DA 4187 with my skill identifier saying I am a certified black belt for the Army.  Now I just need to pull my project off my computer so that I will have it and all of my reference materials and I am done!!!!  Aside from that, I have been playing more with Microsoft excel and even with macros.  I think I might keep studying excel a bit because I am learning some really interesting things.  I am also going to try to spend the winter reading up on building my first green house and learning some fun gardening tips and tricks.  I think the fact that I haven't seen much green here has given me a very strong desire to decorate my house with lively plants.  I also have a desire to do some manual labor (building cabinets and trying to do gutters and small projects ourselves) after spending the last 7+ months sitting behind a computer.  I really enjoying working with my hands and haven't gotten to do enough of it here.  Plus, I enjoy working on our home.  Kevin has had a new garden window installed and we are having work done on our patio in the next couple of weeks.  I can't wait to get home and join him.  And I look forward to starting new projects and learning new crafts!

Emotional: So this one has been going pretty well.  I think Kevin and I have been connecting so much better as we have started discussing our plans for the next year or so.  Truth be told, earlier in the month, we were in a rather depressing rut and neither of us could really tell why.  I think Kevin just didn't like the sound of two more months and truthfully, I was starting to feel overwhelmed by the idea of making decisions again.  There are limitless possibilities for the future and what is coming next that I felt kind of overwhelmed by the idea of preparing to face it.  But as Kevin and I started moving forward (Kevin got our new garden window installed on the house and is having the patio done next month), things started getting easier.  That's why we decided to by the car (which we are so excited about) and start making plans for what the next year holds.  And things are really starting to come together.  Kevin is loving his job and I am loving mine.  And though there are definitely no concrete plans right now, there is a pretty good likelihood that I might stay in the Army for longer than my contract.  We have a lot to figure out on that path, but we have decided to wait until I get home and see how I am feeling six months from now before making too many decisions.  For right now, we are both giving up control of a lot that we like to hold on to just to imagine the world of possibilities.  We have decided that both of us are going to stop worrying about what we "should" or "shouldn't" do and start focusing on loving God, loving each other and loving others and living a life that is going to bring him the most glory.

Spiritual: Well, obviously this one is tied to my current emotional state as well.  Basically, the idea of giving up control of what I want versus what I think I should want has been very relieving.  Telling Kevin that I might want to stay in the Army was very difficult, but mostly because of the church, not because of Jesus.  I feel like within Christianity, we tend to limit the roles for women into what we see as best for her family or manageable.  Telling women I am in the Army is usually stomached in the same manner as me saying I'm sick or I have cancer.  They want to tell me that's horrible (and some do) and that they can't wait for me to get out.  Even my most well intended friends ask me about deploying and having kids to just get out of it.  It is inconceivable to them that I love this.  It's even crazier to them that I am really good at it.  But I let myself fall in that box too.  I told myself I couldn't stay in and be a good wife and mother.  Every day, I think that is less and less true.  Would there be hard parts? Yes. Is moving around all the time easy? No.  But would my kids and husband get to experience things that others might never get to? Yes.  Can we use it as the opportunity to bring our family closer together? Yes.  But most importantly, does it bring more glory to God to live the life he first put on my heart as a twelve year old girl and has reaffirmed many times since? Does it bring more glory to God for me to live my life in such a way that it ties together the unique characteristics God decided to ordain me with?  And does it bring God more glory when I live out the things that interest me and help them to grow and develop my family?  It might seem simple to just say yes and move on, but I am spending time with these questions.  I am leaning more towards them than I am away.  I am breaking down my own religious rules and trying to find the truth in the center of the Gospel.  I am done telling Christ how Christians are supposed to live.  When I look at biblical women, I see women who work and serve.  Ruth was a laborer, Esther was into politics and the proverbs 31 woman ran a very successful business (and all in the Old Testament too!).  Maybe my primary job can be wife and mother even if I don't spend all my time doing those things from home.  I don't know.  We have a lot of exploring to do, but I figured I would share with you where we have explored to thus far.

Afghanistan: Number 20

Ok everyone, I know I have missed a couple of posts.  To put it shortly, the theme of my last couple of weeks is exhaustion.  I have never felt before like I do now and I cannot think of anything comparable to it.  All I can say is that when I get back home, I might just sleep for a whole week.  On, that note, I plan to keep this short and direct.  So here is post 20, week 25 (ish... I am not really sure anymore).

Financial:  So I currently own two stocks and both are doing well.  The one is sitting at about 10% gain and is climbing slightly.  The other, is near, if not over, 25% gained.  The latter actually climbed even higher than that recently and then fell slighting, but is climbing back up.  I am interested to see how high it is going to go. And don't intend to sell right away.

Mental:  So, not really much progress on my lean six sigma project, but I have been helping someone else out with theirs.  I am not really sure how I got dragged onto their team, but they got a short suspense and needed the help.  As difficult as it has been, I am glad to help out a friend and I know it helped relieve some of their burden, so I don't mind so much.  Though there have been moments when I wanted to gouge my eyes out after staring at powerpoint slide for days on end, I'd like to think I did some good.  And unfortunately, it isn't done yet.  But it is close. But for now, I am slowly starting to shift back to my own project.  I am hoping to knock out my measure and analyze phases in the next couple of days and our final exam is coming up in about a week.  It will be good when I can focus on my project and not have to worry about class anymore.

Emotional:  It has been crazy busy over here and I feel like I have been running 100 mph.  I am completely exhausted and feeling quite spent.  To put it lightly, I am feeling burnt out.  I have been traveling and working non-stop for probably close to two weeks on a mammoth project that was briefed to a two star general on Saturday.  Unfortunately, it isn't done yet either and so there is still more to do.  But with the brief, the work and the traveling, I just feel completely out of energy.  And when that gets tied in with the crazy drama my unit is currently experiencing (but that I cannot go into), it just leaves me feeling like I have been hit by a freight train.  I don't think I have ever been so tired before.  And the thing that helps me get through that is the people in my unit.  My friends and coworkers here have been such a relief to me.  Being able to sit and chat and joke and laugh in the midst of sheer exhaustion as been very comforting.  I cannot say that it makes the work load feel worth it, but it is definitely what gets me through.

Physical: This has fallen to the wayside during my traveling and working the last couple of weeks.  I am hoping to return to a more normal schedule now that I am back in Bagram, but we shall see.  I need to find a more consistent schedule and get my butt outside and run more.  On the up side, the weather is calming down and it is more pleasant to run.  On the down side, I am tired and don't feel like going.  I still am hoping to do the Army ten miler in October, but I need the pace in my life to slow down a bit first.

Spiritual: While I have maintained the ability to read my bible twice a day, this past couple of weeks has been destructive to my quiet times.  The long hours just nugging away in front of a computer took their toll and I am hoping that now that I am back in Bagram, I might be able to get some solid sleep and reset myself.  Unfortunately, I am feeling spiritually very weak, just like I do in every other area of my life right now.  I feel like I lack the emotional capacity to handle my exhaustion and that it is seeping into every area of my life.  I pray daily for strength and drive but I can hardly find it.  The worst part of my day is waking up and dragging myself out of bed. I'd love to end this with something witty or inspiring, but I have got nothing.  I am still here and feel like a balloon with a slow leak that is just about out.  We are going home in two months but I cannot give thought to anything past today without feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.  Hopefully, the next couple of weeks will slow down and I will find my strength renewed.  I have heard that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but I am now contemplating if it is possible to walk away without being hardened and changed. 

Wife: Our Engagement Story

So, today is my four year engagement anniversary.  Now, I am not normally a sappy person, but I figured it might be fun instead of doing my normal post this week, to share with you guys the story of how Kevin proposed to me.  Below, you can read our version of the events, each from our own perspective written the next day.  I have not edited this story since August 14, 2009.  And for the record, my husband forever set the standards high!

Our Story

Engagement Night

Her perspective

So, I guess the story kind of begins this past Sunday when Kevin got back from Jamaica after his mission's trip. He said this Thursday was special, or something of that sort. Thursday was in fact our 11 monthiversary (as Kevin called it) but we hadn't really celebrated any other month. So at that point I kind of got suspicious. But at the same time, it was a Thursday night and we both had to work the next day and Kevin's best friend was going to be in town one night only, so I wasn't really counting on it at all. That day, Kevin and I emailed each other throughout work about our evening plans. Kevin planned the whole evening and didn't tell me anything about it. He made some offhanded comment about possibly having    reservations and maybe he'd bring me flowers. At that point, I became more suspicious, but had decided that maybe if he showed up at my door with flowers, I would let myself dare to hope. He did in fact show up at my door with flowers. There were two of them that he had picked outside his work 2 hours prior. They were dead. My hope was pretty much dead as well. The we walked into the kitchen where my Dad was. I knew that Kevin had told all of my parents the night he intended to propose. My Dad was also leading Amplify (our church's adult singles bible study) later that evening, which Kevin usually attends. My Dad turned to Kevin and said "I see you are not going to amplify tonight, loser!" And I immediately thought, "Well, Dad didn't know Kevin was skipping amplify... can't be tonight." We leave the house and Kevin says that he did in fact make dinner reservations, however they were not until later (slightly to my disappointment since I was starving) and that he wanted to show me something first. He took me up to Grand View Drive to a beautiful spot where you can see the Illinois River for miles. Before we got out of the car he said he had a story to tell me and I had to listen to the whole thing. We went and sat on the bench and we opened up this journal he had written for me from "my perspective" over the course of the summer. See, I worked as a camp counselor and I had decided early on that I wouldn't keep a journal over the summer, even though I wanted to, since I wouldn't have time. Kevin decided that he would keep one for me. So every day this summer, he wrote down the high lights and even some of the low spots from this summer. Some of the stuff, I never thought, nor would I have ever said. But he added his colorful embellishments to make me smile. Other times, he wrote down exactly what I had thought and said; in fact, there were times I interjected with my thoughts and he would read the next line and it would be verbatim. And every week this summer, Kevin sent me a one page long poem in the
mail. I thought that they were just individual poems to brighten my week. He included them in this journal he had made. And when he got to August 13th, he actually wrote down all of the things that were going to happen that day. He included in this portion of "my writing" that I finally realized it was in fact, one big poem, and not several smaller ones. He then read them all together and came to the spot where I had thought it ended. At this point, he said, "I have written more." All throughout the poem, he spoke of how much he loved and wanted to marry me. And these last few verses were no different. He stood up and by that point, I had pretty much checked out. By the end of the poem, he
had fumbled around, pulled out the ring shakily, was down on one knee, and for the last line said, "Candice Carnahan, will you marry me?" At this point, without even seeing the ring, I said "yes." I don't actually remember this but Kevin told me what I said, because I had completely checked out and was totally floored. I hugged him. And then actually looked at the beautiful ring and put it on. And as we were leaving, he kissed me for the first time ever, and called me his fiancee. I was, at this point, completely floored. I had no clue what to think or say. In fact, I almost ran into his car I was so floored. I have since found out that this poem was broken up into different parts. Each part focused on some attribute of myself that Kevin adores. He focused each part on how it relates to our marriage and what it will bring to it. I never got the hint at all and never realized it until he showed me all of the poems with each poem labeled with its focus the next day.
Then we went to this beautiful restaurant in Peoria Heights called Seven. We walked in the door and Kevin turned to the manager and said, "I believe you have reservations for me." He never gave his name or anything. And then the guy just said of course and took us back to this booth. As we were walking up to it, I saw a little present sized bag on the table. And as we got closer, I saw my disciplor/ bible study leader from school, Megan, and her husband, Erik, (they just got married on
Aug 1st) and was once again completely floored. I loved that they were there and it couldn't have been more perfect. They stayed for a bit and gave us a book that helped them out during their engagement. We told them the story to some degree and got to share with them how happy we
were. There was also a beautiful full bouquet of fragrant flowers, which were much prettier than the dead ones he had showed up at the door with.
After awhile, they left and we had dinner together. I was so excited I was no longer hungry. I ended up only had a few bites of my food (fillet mignons with garlic mashed potatoes mmm...). I couldn't hardly eat anything at all. As we left the restaurant, we got stopped by several people asking what the occasion was and asking to hear the story. So, here it is...

Engagement Night

His Perspective

(Written by Kevin the day after)
I’m engaged now! Yesterday I was very anxious all day and couldn’t eat breakfast as a result. Work seemed to drag on forever also…it never seemed to end! I randomly decided to pick some wildflowers to give to Candice when I picked her up. It helped me perpetuate the idea that this was just a special night (our eleventh monthiversary in fact) but not too special. I really wanted her to be surprised! By the time I made it to her house they were dead, drooping, and shriveling... really quite pathetic looking. This was disappointing, but Candice never expected her proposal evening to start with dead flowers! While we were at her house her dad called me a loser for skipping Amplify (bible study)! That helped me surprise Candice also. :) Candice knew that her parents knew when I was going to propose and she thought her dad was being serious… In the end she had her suspicions but given it was a Thursday and we are both working she still didn't know for sure.
We drove up to Peoria Heights. I wanted to drive all the way up Grandview Drive but ended up taking a wrong turn. After a few corrections and guesses, we made it to the scenic point with the parking and picnic spot up on the hill. It was beautiful! I was afraid it was going to be too hot, but it was shaded with a nice breeze, absolutely perfectly cool and wonderful! Then I told her that we were early and had awhile to wait for our reservations. I told her that I really wanted to tell her a story. So I grabbed the journal and we went and sat on the bench over-looking the river.
As I started reading she realized what I had done with the journal. She was surprised and loved it! The journal was very quirky and corny in a lot of places but she laughed a lot and was very happy. A few times she would make a comment about something, and then the next line in the journal was exactly what she had just said! She certainly realized what was happening as I kept reading. A few times she couldn't even look at me... but she was still paying attention! She was also surprised that I put all those stickers in it! The journal also had a lot of quirky grammar issues and spelling issues that made it that much more perfect and Kevin-esque. As you can tell I’m not a great writer.
At the end of the journal I finished it with an entry from August 13th... that day! In that entry, I explained things in present tense like she was just realizing them as she was! Perfect! Things like "Now I know why he was so tired all the time." I spent many late nights trying to finish everything and of course she knew nothing about it! She also had no idea that all the poems were one big poem about her and the many reasons that I love her.
I finished it all by restating all of the poems in order and ending with 9 extra lines in which I proposed. As I said the last line, I couldn't find the ring in my pocket! With tears coming, I proposed. She barely glanced at the ring as she said "yes" and hugged me. At this point we were both (I thought, she refutes this point!) quite openly crying. We probably hugged for 30 seconds, 1 minute, 5 minutes, I don't really know. After that, still openly crying and chin trembling, I said "You still haven't looked at the ring!" I picked up the forgotten ring off of the bench and she put it on. Perfect fit!
I told her that I loved her and carried her to the observation point, skirt and all! We (or maybe just me) were still crying... saying that we loved each other. At thus point it was already 7:30. As we walked to the car I decided to kiss her. That was not part of my original plan. I then called her my fiancee for the first time, after I kissed her for the first time! She almost ran into the car after that! Perfect!
We drove to a parking lot behind the restaurant and parked. She didn't know where we were or where we were going. I walked her to the strip and into Seven on Prospect, a Cosmopolitan Grill. As I walked up to the manager, Joe, he looked and smiled. I said, "I believe you have a reservation for me." Without saying my name he nodded and walked us, slowly and carefully, to our booth.
And then Candice realized that Megan and Erik (close friends from U of I) were hiding in our booth waiting for us! There was also a large bouquet of lavender and white flowers. The look on Candice's face was priceless. For the next 15 minutes she barely said anything except for "wow" and nervous laughter. She just gazed into my eyes in the most loving manner. She was very surprised and very thrilled that Megan was there. They gave us a book about marriage by John Piper. Candice was very surprised and distracted and could not concentrate on anything for a length of time. Between the proposal, kiss, ring, being called fiancee, flowers, Megan & Erik, she had a lot going on that she couldn't process! :) Perfect!
The waitress gave us about 20 minutes to get settled and to order. Candice finally got around to telling Megan the story. It was a great time of joy, laughter and happiness.
We finally ordered. Fillet Mignon medium-rare for Candice. Chicken and goat cheese for me! First we had some bread, warm and crispy on the outside, warm and soft on the inside with and awesome olive/antipasto topping!
The food was delicious and the calling/texting of people had begun! Erik took a photo of Candice's ring on her hand for us. Candice called her mom first and texted Heather the first picture. I called home, talked to Dad as Mom wasn’t home just then. Candice was starving when we left her house early in the evening but she only had two or three bites of her meal! I guess she had a lot on her mind right then… By that time all my surprises were over and I was certainly hungry and ready to eat.
We took some pictures at the restaurant and I spilled lemonade all over myself. Megan and Erik had to go drive down to Champaign so they left early and did not eat. While we were leaving, I stopped the manager and thanked him very much for all his help, in the middle of the restaurant. As people noticed the huge bouquet of flowers, the conversations around us slowly stopped and the looks on people's faces slowly changed from curiosity to wonder as they realized what had happened earlier tonight! After walking out, some random guys saw the flowers and asked what the occasion was. So we told them and they were very interested in the story! Afterwards one of the guys asked for Candice's name. It turns out that two of the guys knew Rob, her step-father. We finally got back to the car and drove to Amplify to meet Jill and Aaron. Jill took the flowers and our leftover food back home for us. We ended up catching Jill outside the building and Candice told the story for the 3rd time of the night.
Then we went inside and talked to Aaron along with some of Aaron’s friends and Amplify leaders (including my bible study leader). Story telling #4 was to Aaron (her father) and that group. Then I stepped over to officially introduce Candice as my fiancee to several of my peers and friends that were in the same room. Since it was a loud room filled with people, they didn’t hear the story. So Candice was able to tell the story for a fifth time to our group of friends there. Some of my friends were in Morton that evening and I wanted to catch them that night also, so we left soon after that.
As we left for Morton, I carried Candice outside and that got some stares and another "congratulations!" from some women on the street. On the way to Morton, I called Stephanie and let Candice talk to her for #6! Then I call Michael and told him all about it. Mom called me while we were at the Waterhouse (Amplify). I went to Jordan’s mom’s house and he gave me two bear hugs; one for me and one for Candice (he didn’t know if it was appropriate to hug Candice). #7 was to Justin and Jordan. That was the last one that evening.
I was emotionally, physically and in every way exhausted after leaving the restaurant. As you now know we still saw many other people throughout the night and did a lot of driving. After getting back to Candice’s house (back in Peoria) around 11:45, we laid down for a while together. I fell asleep. Perfect!
Here is a list of things that I didn’t plan on but made the night that much better:
Wildflowers – more specifically dead wildflowers
Aaron’s comment about me skipping Amplify
Missing the Grandview drive turn
Grammar errors and misspellings in the journal
Crying
Kissing
Carrying Candice in a skirt
What I said to the manager
Garlic mashed potatoes in a wine glass
Spilling lemonade all over myself
Megan and Erik’s gift
Random people that stopped and talked to us!

Afghanistan: Number 18

Alright everyone, time for my 18th post in my 21st week.  Sorry I am a couple of days late, but it has been busy around here.  We have a lot going on in our unit and a lot of stuff coming up.  To put it lightly, we have less than 100 days left and with all the stuff on our plates, I am betting it will go pretty fast.

Physical- I ran over 11 miles this week, so I am pretty proud of myself for that.  I have a new running partner that is willing to run distances with me on Saturdays.  He is definitely faster than me, but I don't slow him down too much.  I think next Saturday we are planning on running an 8 mile loop, but we shall see.  We don't have to wear all our gear anymore, so I have more freedom in my workout times, which is good.  I prefer going to the gym in the evenings, because I am not a morning person.  Unfortunately, my long runs will be Saturday mornings, which means getting up well before the sun, but oh well, at least I will have someone to run with.  My goal is to be able to run 10 miles in 8:30.  I think I could do it at a 9 min mile pace right now, so I want to get that down.  It already has come down and 9 min mile was my original goal pace.  I beat that goal by about 15 secs per mile for 6 miles earlier this week, so I am pretty confident I can do 10 at 9:00.  Still working at it.  Still getting better.

Financial- Right now, I still own only one stock and I have got another in mind for when the market opens on Monday.  The one I have is sitting at just under a 10% gain at the moment and has been on an upward trend for about a year.  The one I am looking at another stock right now that has low trading value, but has been on a solid upwards trend for the last 5 years.  Where I am at right now, I need to start looking into stocks that I want to keep as a short to midterm investment.  I am not totally committed to that idea yet, but I haven't been playing the market as much recently. And now that I am out of my free trading period, I am thinking less and less about quick trades and more about ones I can hold onto and grow over time.  We will see how the market looks on Monday, and maybe I will try my hand at some longer term investments. 

Mental- I have actually made some headway on my lean six sigma project this week.  I have some of my products remade and some I still need to do.  The biggest pieces I need to get done in the next day or so are my SIPOC map and my voice of the customer/ voice of the business slide.  I want to get these done before my instructor comes back, so I have a short window to complete them.  I have also completed my 18 page exegesis, which was a fun endeavor.  I know people think I am nuts, but it really isn't until recently that our society things that writing papers and letters aren't fun and that you need a specific reason to write a lengthy paper.  But, I think it was fun and it stretched my mind and grew me as a person.  I will probably always write papers and store them away.  And that is part of the reason I blog as well.  I enjoy writing and getting my thoughts out onto paper.  Writing is even more fun than reading to me, but I know that reading helps perfect writing.  I don't have a ton of time right now, so when I get the chance, I read my book "In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day." For my daily reading, I stick with reading my bible twice a day.  It seems like a better use of my time right now, even though I would love to add fiction to my reading list.  But with my time so limited, I have to make sure what I am reading is actually beneficial to me and helping me grow as a person.

Emotional- I am drained in this category.  I have been having excellent communication with Kevin and am probably feeling the most successful as a wife as I have this whole deployment.  I have found that waking up, reading my bible and praying in the mornings has enriched my marriage and our  communication.  I find myself looking forward to going home more and more and I think that a huge part of that is being under the 100 day mark.  But on the other hand, we still have a lot left to do in the next 100 days and I am finding myself just exhausted at the thought. To say that I feel burnt out is an understatement.  Things that used to take very little energy now feel exhausting and drain me completely.  No matter how much sleep I get, I still feel tired.  Maybe it is because I still have not had a day off since we got here.  I am not sure.  But I know I have to Soldier on and I will.  To say that I am expecting that I will crash hard when I get home is an understatement.  I hope everyone understand that when I get back, it is going to take some time for me to level out to my new normal and not to take my lack of communication personally. I am expecting to spend a lot of time getting some sleep and decompressing.  I am already thinking of trying to unplug and rebuild my life with Kevin before I focus on fitting anything else into that.

Spiritual-  I am also exhausted spiritually.  I felt very drained after completing my exegesis regarding the doctrine of covenants (see this link for the full version, or my last three posts for the abridged version).  I feel like I have grown so much though.  What was, at times a chore, has become my perfect joy.  Even though I am tired and don't wake up well, I enjoy getting up and reading my bible and praying during the first hour of my day.  And I love ending my day with reading my bible and doing my prayer journal.  In the last 30 days or so, I have grown a ton as an individual and in my dedication to the Lord.  I am not a different person, but I am in so many ways.  I have grown so much in my knowledge of who God is and my excitement to get to know him more is a lot.  Before I get back to the U.S., I will have read the whole bible.  When I get back, I plan on starting over but with a focus.  I plan on doing a study on love.  I plan on going through my bible and highlighting every time I see the word love; one color for when it is between God and man, another for love between people.  I find that the word comes up a lot, but it may be just be because I am reading through the book of Psalms.  Regardless, I am very intrigued.  I still continuing to fast, but I feel that I have already received the answers to my prayers.  I have received some yes, some no and some later.  And I am more than satisfied in that.  However, I am continuing to fast until I reach the forty day mark.  I am doing so in case God still has something He wants to reveal to me, but also because that's the day that feels right.  I can't really explain it, but that's my end date.  So I will be enjoying some wonderfully cooked Afghani chicken next Sunday, the August 4th.  I am very glad for this time of growth, but I am nearing a point of exhaustion that has me ready for this time to be over.  I think everyone can relate in their own way.  Growth is painful at the time, but you can enjoy it when you are also seeing the fruits of the labor.  But as time goes on, the labor starts to feel more burdensome and you are ready for the end to be near.  It is the same I feel towards the deployment.  I am reaching a point where I just need more of God's strength, because I am quickly running out of my own.

Spiritual: Exegesis Regarding the Doctrine of Covenants- Part 3

My First Exegesis Regarding the Doctrine of Covenants: To Include the Covenant of Friendship- Part 3 of 3
By: Candice C. Farney

So what is a covenant friendship? Should we care?

Fifth covenant: Covenant between Friends
The last covenant I know of is one that I have never seen explored. Jonathan was the son of Saul; the first King of Israel.  Saul fell out of favor with the Lord and the Lord called Samuel to seek out David.  Saul became very jealous of David and made several attempts on David's life, with David escaping each time. At least twice, David proved to Saul that he had the opportunity to kill him but chose not because Saul had been anointed by God. During all this time, there is a back story between David and Jonathan. Jonathan is about to lose his kingdom to David and he doesn't care (1 Samuel 18:1-4, 1 Samuel 19:1, 1 Samuel 20:42, 1 Samuel 23:15-18).  Their story starts in 1 Samuel 18:1-4:

"As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.  And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father's house.  Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul.  And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt."

There are two very intense sayings here. The first is that their souls were knit together. The second was that Jonathan loved David as he did his own soul. And out of response to this love, Jonathan made a covenant to David. However, we see indications that this was not necessarily reciprocated by David. David did not reciprocate Jonathan's actions and might not have initially shared in Jonathan's love. So this initial covenant may have just been made by Jonathan to David and not both ways.  After David ran away from Saul, Jonathan volunteered his services to David. He told David that he would find out his father's plot against David and make it known to him. After Jonathan discovered that Saul intended to kill David and that David had done nothing wrong, Jonathan went to David. In 1 Samuel 20:41-42, we see their exchange;

"… David rose from beside the stone heap and fell on his face to the ground and bowed three times. And they kissed one another and wept with one another, David weeping the most. Then Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, because we have sworn both of us in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord shall be between me and you, and between my offspring and your offspring, forever.’” And he rose and departed, and Jonathan went into the city."

There is no doubt that David reciprocated Jonathan’s love. Heck, he even wept the most. Plus, Jonathan affirms that they both were sworn to each other. This would seem to indicate that they made the covenant to each other, at least this time, if not before. There covenant was then reaffirmed in 1 Samuel 23:15-18,

"David saw that Saul had come out to seek his life. David was in the wilderness of Ziph at Horesh.  And Jonathan, Saul's son, rose and went to David at Horesh, and strengthened his hand in God.  And he said to him, “Do not fear, for the hand of Saul my father shall not find you. You shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next to you. Saul my father also knows this.”  And the two of them made a covenant before the Lord. David remained at Horesh, and Jonathan went home."

This may have been a reaffirming of their first covenant, or superseding it as they grew in love. We see here that not only are they dedicated to the protection of each other (demonstrated by the gesture of giving the other their weapon) and the livelihood of each other (demonstrated by the giving of the shirt off one’s back) but also the eternal dedication of even their offspring to each other. This is a very deep and intense love. After Jonathan dies in battle, in 2 Samuel 1 we see David fasting and weeping. He even says that Jonathan's love exceeds the love of women. Then in 2 Samuel 9 we see David giving Jonathan's son the same honor at his table that he gives to his own sons, despite the fact that Jonathan's son was a cripple. He restored his father's land and even gave him laborers to work the land for him. David loved Jonathan's son out of the abundance of love he had for Jonathan.   They expressed this love for each other through covenant and both were blessed by it.

What should a covenant friendship look like or mean?
The next question I had was what would a covenant friendship look like? What do I know about other covenants that could give me insight into this type? From here on out, these are mostly my extrapolations and thoughts on the matter. Consider it advice and let it weigh with that limited authority in your life. A covenant friendship is a commitment to love the other person more than you love yourself. Whatever you have that they need is available to them to include your time, money and resources. I am available to my husband all the time, for whatever he needs. Just as I try to be available to God at all times. I don't do this perfectly but I try to do better every day. This is the same way that we need to love anyone that we are in covenant with. This love is not conditional upon how we feel or our selfish desires. It is about being as unselfish as we can.

A covenant friendship is also a commitment to pray. You can love people best by lifting them up before the Lord in prayer and supplication. I pray intentionally at least twice a day for my husband, our marriage and also my relationship with God. It would then follow that if you covenant yourself with another you should commit yourself to pray for them at least daily. A covenant friendship is also a commitment to their family. You love their children with the same love and care that you show your own. This is how David did it, and as he was a man after God's own heart, this is our best example. Thus, you must be just as available to their family as you are to your own. A covenant friendship will have repentance, forgiveness and reconciliation. I am argumentative in nature. I enjoy a good argument. But many times I have to remind myself that I love my husband more than I love being right. In any moment of discord, I will stand back and evaluate every way that I can think that I have been unloving. It doesn't matter if my point was a good one or if I was right. I love the person more than the win. We have to be able to approach our covenanted friend with humility and be the first to ask forgiveness. It opens doors and creates more vulnerability and more room for love. A covenant friendship will probably contain a lot of the other parts of covenant that marriages typically take on such as: accountability, honesty, openness, sensitivity and confidentiality. Honestly, I think you have a lot of freedom to choose what the premises for this type of covenant should look like because we don't see a lot of structure in it. I would say model it as best you can after David and Jonathan and then add to it as you feel called.

There is one other suggestion that I would like to make. Don't cross gender lines. Again, I revert to all things being permissible, but not all things beneficial. I am not saying you couldn't make a covenant across gender lines outside of marriage, I just think this would probably cause more tension than good. This doesn't seem like the type of thing that is above reproach. When people see it they may not understand. I cannot imagine how I would have felt if I found out my husband was in a covenant with another girl before we got married. I definitely don't know how I would feel if he entered one now. If you feel called towards someone of the opposite sex, consider covenanting your families, after considering it and discussing it with your spouses.   If either spouse is uncomfortable with this then out of respect for that spouse, do not enter the covenant.  I have definitely had my share of moments where I am reminded that the spouse of a friend's opinions and feelings matter just as much, if not more, than your friends. You want to be a blessing to their marriage, not just to one of them individually. Thus, you need to love and respect both of them and their wishes.

In Conclusion

In conclusion, I do not think that the final three covenants discussed are required.  Actually, technically none of the covenants are required.  If they were, then you wouldn’t have a choice in the matter.  Salvation, however, hinges on our accepting the new covenant.  And through our faith and acceptance of it, God is glorified.  The marriage covenant is not required and even somewhat discouraged by Paul (1 Corinthians 7).  However, it can bring God much glory by way of putting on display Christ’s relationship with the church and showing the world the kind of sacrificial love that our Savior showed us.  Making a covenant with yourself not to sin is not required either.  We see only one example in the bible of someone doing this, and that is Job.  And after he proved his faithfulness and dedication to God, the Lord restored him to twice what he had before.  Covenants between nations are few and far between and are also not required.  But we do know that not keeping this type of covenant is going to result in God turning His face away from us on this earth.  And covenant friendship is not commanded by God.  But we do see Him blessing it.  Both Jonathan and David were blessed by each other and by God through the covenant they joined.  A covenant is really a commitment before God to keep His commands very intentionally towards another person, knowing that God will hold us accountable.  Covenants bring Him glory. Again, if they were mandatory, this would not be so.  God gives us the freedom to respond to His call to love by entering a covenant.   I encourage you to consider enter into any of these covenants, if you feel so called.  It is yet another chance to be obedient to God by loving others and bringing Him more glory.  Covenants are a means to love deeper and more intentionally by abiding in a closer commitment with the Lord.


To you Lord, be all glory, honor and praise.



For the full version, visit this link.


Here are some references that I read and that through. Feel free to do the same. http://www.padfield.com/2004/covenants.html http://www.cephasministry.com/water/bible_believers_god_made_three_covenants.html http://www.gotquestions.org/bible-covenants.html
http://www.messianicassociation.org/ezine17-af.covenants.htm
http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Books,%20Tracts%20&%20Preaching/Printed%20Books/Dr%20Jack%20Hyles/Blue%20Denim%20and%20Lace/blue_denim_and_lace-chap_5.htm http://faithencounter.org/covenant.htm http://gracethrufaith.com/selah/eternal-security/the-covenant-relationship/