A Blog About...

A Blog About Being a Christian, a Wife and a U.S. Army Officer.
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Afghanistan: Number 25 (My last post from Afghanistan!)

Our transfer of authority ceremony
Alright everyone.  This is it.  I am going home.  Many of you have asked if I know when.  The answer to that is yes, but I cannot share it.  I can share after we have moved, but will not be able to tell you our next movement dates or times of anything like that.  Once I get back into the U.S. will be a different story, but for now, just know that within the next week or so, I will be home!  So here it is, my last post and the end of this part of my journey.

Playing volleyball in our free time...
Mental: I am having some frustrations in this department honestly.  I have not completed my second black belt project because I am still waiting to receive my data.  This is through no fault of my own and I can honestly say that I have no grand appreciation for the speed at which contractors move.  However, I did have an interview last Friday with a Brigadier General and have been officially endorsed to go to school and certify as a Lean Six Sigma Master Black Belt.  Unfortunately, we are still awaiting the exam results to go with it, so once we get the score key (a huge debacle because of the furlough), my qualifying exam will be scored and I will submit my packet.  Then there are about 5,000 more hurdles to go, but I plan on just taking them as they come.  Lord willing, I have a tremendous amount of potential in this area.

Physical: As you already now, I received the highest score possible on my Army Physical Fitness Exam just a couple of weeks ago (a 300).  My other goal of the six pack... well... I guess I will call it success.  I don't need to flex for it to be visible, but I am not seeing a lot of definition.  It's probably from all the ice cream I eat.  Regardless, I am at the lowest weight I have been in the last four years or so and am overall happy with the way I look and feel (even though I was also happy before).  I still intend to try to keep up the momentum when I get back and keep my run time down.

Can you tell I am not very good?
Financial: Well, my stocks have been up and down this week.  Both of my stocks have been near or surpassed their 52 week highs this week and then have dropped back down into a respectable range.  I am still planning on holding onto them.  I'm not the most financially savvy person I know, but both stocks are looking pretty strong and are significantly higher than what I bought them at.  Hopefully I don't forget about the too much once I am back stateside.

Seriously though, I had no idea  what I was doing.
Emotional:  This is a weird one in preparation for coming home.  People don't seem to understand that going home for a Soldier is in some ways, more difficult than leaving.  We train and prepare to leave but don't do much for coming back.  I haven't been alone or had a day off since I got here.  Going home, living with my husband, having to cook for myself and grocery shop and pick out clothes and drive myself around are all going to be transitions for me to get back into the hang of things.  I might never be alone here, but I haven't had to share my life with anybody either.  There is no one I had to talk to and take care of at the end of the day.  This is not to say at all that I am not completely excited to come home, because I really am, but it is a forewarning that this is a transition for me.  Getting back into a schedule will take time and patience.  On a somewhat similar note, I have been praying recently that God would help me fall more in love with my husband than I have ever been before.  This has been my constant pray over the last week and I can already feel it being answered.  I cannot wait to get back to my love, my groom, my companion, my husband.  To see him, to touch him, to be touched by him, to speak with him freely, to sleep next to him, to be with him... I cannot wait.

Spiritual: How good are you at being still? As in Psalm 46:10 "'Be still and know that I am God'..."  I am not very good at being still.  I have had issues being still my whole life.  Call it ADHD, call it hyperactive, call it over-thinking, over-analytical... Whatever name you want to give it. I don't think I have ever truly been still.  And honestly, I am not sure I know any women (or even men) who have told me they figured this one out.  We seem hard-wired for multi-tasking and calming chaos in our homes.  Our jobs and our lives seem to never demand stillness.  I used to even confuse stillness with laziness, but have since realized that it is actually the opposite.  But I digress.  Let me first say that my to do list for getting home is a mile long.  I am trying to get into school for my Lean Six Sigma Master Black belt, I am running against the clock to get a new job, the cabinets in our kitchen need redone, I want to build a green house and start a garden (some day down the road I want to have chickens and some day further after that, I want to try bee keeping), I want to do some minor landscaping in the back yard, plant some trees and bushes, buy a gun, get my concealed carry license, build new shelves in our closet, continue building a multi-media server for our house, create a planter outside my bay window, create cushions to sit in the bay window, potentially add a shower to our downstairs bathroom, build a fire pit, go to Illinois, go on vacation to Mexico, learn French and get LASIK.  Now, these are things I am thinking about for my next year home, but you can see that I have a lot of plans in front of me.  And I was nearly giddy trying to pick which one I wanted to tackle first (and when I say one, I mean a minimum of 3 because that's how I operate). I haven't had a day off on this deployment and if I am not running around doing something, I am sleeping or talking about the next thing I am working on.

So you can probably see now where the Holy Spirit intervened as a blessing to my dear husband (who was probably overwhelmed by my planning).  Still is not my forte.  Still is not watching t.v. or going for a walk.  It is literally still.  It is stopping the mind from wandering and planning, stopping my mouth from moving and just living at peace.  Others might call it meditation or clearing the mind, but really it's stillness.  And we don't really get any of this as a culture.  Stillness is most clear to me in my understanding of God's command to take a Sabbath.  Rest. Be still.  Remember God's still got this.  I used to think that still was passive, mostly because that helped justify my lack of being still.  Then I realized how active a task it is.  Ask a five year old (or me for that matter) to sit still.  See how long that lasts.  It is a rather arduous chore.  Better yet, I can't seem to truly clear my mind for more than a minute at a time.  But I bet if I worked on stillness that time would get longer.  If you read Psalm 46, you see that our God is very active.  It is in our stillness that we can see that it not us, but He who is running it all.  It is in our stillness that we come to know God.  Knowing God is being able to see Him, His heart, and His movement in our lives.  If I am always moving, I confuse myself into thinking that everything is my doing.  It's my "thanks God, but clearly I've got this one," kind of moments.  My activity causes me to get distracted by MY thoughts and MY actions and MY works in MY time.  Stillness is a time to reflect on GOD's thoughts and GOD's actions and GOD's works in GOD's time.  I am my own biggest distraction from God.  I create a whole world of distractions that I call "productive" "necessary" "useful" "important" etc.  So instead, when I get home, I am going to focus my time on learning to be still first and incorporating that into my Sabbath's and my every day life.  One thing I do know, if I can't figure out how to be still as a wife, I am really going to struggle to figure it out once we have kids.  I am ready to be still and know that He is God.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Afghanistan: Number 23

Picture of my puppies at bed time. Can't wait to get home.
Alright everyone, so here is my 23rd post from Afghanistan and I should be back home in the next 4-5 weeks or so! It's very exciting to know that I have less than a month left in country.  I cannot believe that it is already here and I cannot wait to get home to my wonderful husband and cute puppies.  The closer I get to coming home, the more Kevin and I have started planning and preparing for what the next year or so might look like.  It is getting me very excited to come home!  So here is my 23rd update, per my usual style.


Financial: So, I still haven't sold either of my stocks, but that is because they are both doing very well from what I originally bought them at.  I actually surpassed a rather big land mark this week with them as I have officially made more than 50% on my original investment.  Right now, I am hovering around 55% and intend to hold both stocks for awhile.  The one's next earnings report comes out late in October and the other one's will come out in early November.  I plan on paying closer attention to them around that time, but both are looking like they will continue to go up over time.  And thankfully, with both of them, they are high enough that it is very doubtful they will fall so fast that I cannot sell off quickly.  I have alerts set up through my bank to let me know whenever they drop or gain significantly, so it makes it easier and I don't have to watch them.

Physical: Today I took my PT test and I scored a perfect 300. So that is another goal achieved.  Unfortunately, my run time wasn't what I wanted, but I screwed up my routine and threw myself off.  I decided to do one of my protein and green drinks. The protein was a great call, but the green stuff was a terrible idea.  Even though I took it nearly two hours before my run, it didn't feel like it digested at all.  I got to the turn around making great time, but on the way back (about the 1.5 mile mark) I started to feel like I was going to throw up. So I slowed down a little bit and told myself to hold it in until I crossed the finish line.  Which I did, but I added about 20 seconds to my time from the previous.  I need to continue working on my run time's because Colorado's elevation is about 2,000 ft higher than here.  I think working on the incline as well as working out during lunch times once I get back should help with that.  I did manage to get my 46 push ups and 100 sit ups though.  So, all in all, I can't complain.  Plus, I fired expert at the M16 range yesterday, so I guess it has been a good couple of days.

Mental:  So, I have some somewhat exciting news on this front.  First of all, they signed my DA 4187 and my certificate of completion for my Lean Six Sigma black belt.  So that is very exciting.  It should be added to my records soon, which will be the last step in this process.  But the second thing is that I might have a chance to get a Master Black Belt in Lean Six Sigma.  Basically, Master Black Belt's are instructors in Lean Six Sigma.  My instructor sent one of my products to his boss (who is a big deal with Lean Six Sigma in the Army) and he sent a response asking if I would be interested in potentially getting a Master Black Belt.  Now, this is definitely not for certain and there is a lot left to figure out.  To put it lightly, the training would come at a pretty penny and and they have to be very convinced that I am going to be successful and it will add value to the Army.  So, I am actually trying to knock out a second black belt project while I am still here.  This will not only help me to potentially become a Master Black Belt  candidate but it is also going to help me get a civilian certification as well (I want to take the ASQ when I get back, which gives me my civilian certification as well as my military).  I also need to take a qualifying exam and go through an interview process, so that will be a thing.  I have about three weeks to figure all this new craziness out.

Emotional: It has been a roller coaster of a week honestly, and it doesn't look to be stopping.  There is a lot going on with my unit right now, but also a lot going on in my life.  Honestly, Kevin and I are probably in the best place we have been this whole deployment, which is really encouraging given that I am just getting ever closer to going home. But there have been some difficult times too, but I think we are in a much better place now for it.  As for now, I am more excited than ever to get home to my husband and get back to my life with him.  We are so excited for the future and I think both of us are just really ready for me to get home.

Spiritual: So I had one of those moments this week where a verse in my reading just hit me like a ton of bricks.  The verse was Psalm 118:5 "In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free."  Sometimes it is just comforting to remember that we are free.  It's so easy to think I am burdened by God's commands, when the reality is, I am set free.  After all, Romans 8:1 says "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  The reality is, the judgment that should be reserved for me has already been paid at the cross.  It gives me the freedom to move and to love.  The freedom to love the Lord and love others without having to be afraid of screwing up.  Because the great thing is, God already knew my every failure prior to my birth, and He sent His son to die for me anyways.  I am free because the debt I owed has been paid.  

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Afghanistan: Number 22

Me covered in filth at Sharana last month
Hey everybody.  Time for my twenty second post from this lovely country with less than six weeks until I am home!!  It's been a pretty awesome week and  am excited to share some updates.  The first of which is that I have pretty much packed everything up!  At least, kind of.  I have basically gone through and packed in such a way that I am sure all my stuff is going to fit.  Tomorrow, I will finish my Christmas shopping, load up the last bit of stuff, and then create my packing list.  Later this week, I will be loading two tuff boxes and a duffle bag into our containers.  After they get approved by customs, then our stuff will get shipped home.  My room will feel pretty empty once I load my stuff in the container, but I think I am good with that!

Mental: Lean Six Sigma is almost completely closed out for me!  The last bit is just getting my 4187 signed (saying that I officially completed the course) and then having it put on my records.  I don't know how long this will take, but it's not really in my hands. My part is done.  All in all, I saved the army over $10.7 mil in direct savings and over another $34 mil in cost avoidance.  It feels good to be done.  Plus, I have helped another black belt candidate finish his project, my section NCOIC finish his green belt project, my NCO finish his green belt project and then as needed helped three other NCOs with their green belt projects (two of which I am pretty sure are complete).  So, not only am I glad to be done, I am also glad to be able to help others reach that finish line as well.

The incline
Physical: So, I got a chance to do a sort of practice PT test while I was traveling this past week.  I thought about fully taking my PT test there because the altitude is much lower, but I am glad I didn't.  I did do push ups and the run route though I didn't do sit ups because doing that seemed like a poor choice on the road.  I managed to max both, but I was sucking on the run.  I think the fact that it was much hotter and there was a lot of sand and dust in the air, coupled with the fact that I was running a route I never had before in the dark made me run about 30 seconds slower than I have been in Bagram.  But even still, I think if I had run it in the morning during day light, I still would have been struggling to breathe.  So I will take my APFT next week with everyone else.  I am pretty confident I will get a 300 again and am really happy with that.  The goal though is to make sure it sticks when I get back.  I have already been thinking about my workouts and I think I am going to make sure I incorporate the incline ( which I have never done before and my goal is to be able to walk straight up it without stopping, and once I can do that, then run it) and also yoga into my workouts.  I will be doing PT in the mornings with my unit, but I want to make sure I am hitting the gym during lunch.  But the other part is making sure I don't eat a bunch of crap.  Unfortunately, we are coming back at pretty much the best food time of the year and after eating DFAC food all the time (I had steak the other night and I know that wasn't cow meat), it will be all to easy to gorge myself.  So a strict workout routine will have to be on the menu as well.

Financial: I don't have any real new updates here except that I am sitting at about a 50% gain on my initial investment.  I have two stocks that are doing quite well and I intend to hold on to them awhile longer.  Part of me is debating holding on to them longer term since I have already had them a month and a half and they have only been doing well for me.  I don't think either of them has dipped below my original buy price since I first picked them up.  But we shall see what they do in the next couple of weeks.  I might just hold them through their next earnings reports if they are looking promising.  Kevin and I are also about to hit that fun time of year where we discuss next years budget and savings plan.  It'll be nice to start figuring out what we want to do over the next year or so and set some solid goals with regards to our house, car and family.

Emotional:  I am not really sure how to categorize this next part, so I am going to put it here.  Right now, it is looking very likely that I will be going to a new unit when I get back to Fort Carson.  I don't have a specific job locked in at this point, but there are a few possibilities and all of them would be very good for me.  I got my first look at my annual review yesterday (even though it isn't due until November) and things are looking very promising.  I have been performing very well and because of that, my leadership is looking at giving me the opportunity to change units when I get back.  I am excited to take on a new job and am really ready for the change. I look forward to experiencing something brand new.  But there is a lot of unknowns that come with that.  I obviously don't have the job position taken yet, and nothing is really a guarantee until you have it in hand (and with the Army, even that may not mean much).  So with that, I also don't know what the hours will be like.  But the unknown makes it exciting for me.  It's one of the things I love about the Army, I can never really get bored.  I get to change jobs every year or so, change locations every few years and get a lot of unique opportunities.  I am slowly realizing that I actually really enjoy being in the Army, and I am surprisingly good at it.  It seems odd that this job that I picked when I was twelve really has ended up being such a good fit for me.  And though I do not know what the future holds (I have already been offered a job on the civilian side that looks potentially very appealing), I can say that I hope that whatever I end up doing, I bring God glory.

Spiritual: So, to be honest, I have been lacking a bit here.  I have been struggling to motivate myself to read my bible.  Right now, I am in Ezekiel, where he talks about the temple.  And just like reading Numbers or Leviticus, I just struggle to stay motivated and keep reading.  And that is not good, because I am actually supposed to be reading twice a day and recently, I have only been reading once.  So, now that I am nearly packed and don't have a lot of work on my plate, I am going to buckle down and get myself caught back up to where I am supposed to be.  Thankfully, I have not been struggling in my prayer life the way I have in my reading.  I have still been praying nightly and as a quick update, am still praying for my friend who doesn't know the Lord.  It has been nearly 200 nights of praying for him and it doesn't seem like any progress has been made.  But, I am starting to wonder if this prayer is not for him, but for me.  Maybe this is one of those things God has called me to just to teach me diligence and self control.  I will continue to pray for him as this deployment nears its end, but I have come to terms with the fact that this, like many of my other prayers, is not mine to demand an answer to.  Like so many other times, I am learning that patience is precious and that demanding answers doesn't make them come any sooner, and most frequently, just makes me look foolish.  So I will just have to learn some patience and love.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Afghanistan: Number 20

Ok everyone, I know I have missed a couple of posts.  To put it shortly, the theme of my last couple of weeks is exhaustion.  I have never felt before like I do now and I cannot think of anything comparable to it.  All I can say is that when I get back home, I might just sleep for a whole week.  On, that note, I plan to keep this short and direct.  So here is post 20, week 25 (ish... I am not really sure anymore).

Financial:  So I currently own two stocks and both are doing well.  The one is sitting at about 10% gain and is climbing slightly.  The other, is near, if not over, 25% gained.  The latter actually climbed even higher than that recently and then fell slighting, but is climbing back up.  I am interested to see how high it is going to go. And don't intend to sell right away.

Mental:  So, not really much progress on my lean six sigma project, but I have been helping someone else out with theirs.  I am not really sure how I got dragged onto their team, but they got a short suspense and needed the help.  As difficult as it has been, I am glad to help out a friend and I know it helped relieve some of their burden, so I don't mind so much.  Though there have been moments when I wanted to gouge my eyes out after staring at powerpoint slide for days on end, I'd like to think I did some good.  And unfortunately, it isn't done yet.  But it is close. But for now, I am slowly starting to shift back to my own project.  I am hoping to knock out my measure and analyze phases in the next couple of days and our final exam is coming up in about a week.  It will be good when I can focus on my project and not have to worry about class anymore.

Emotional:  It has been crazy busy over here and I feel like I have been running 100 mph.  I am completely exhausted and feeling quite spent.  To put it lightly, I am feeling burnt out.  I have been traveling and working non-stop for probably close to two weeks on a mammoth project that was briefed to a two star general on Saturday.  Unfortunately, it isn't done yet either and so there is still more to do.  But with the brief, the work and the traveling, I just feel completely out of energy.  And when that gets tied in with the crazy drama my unit is currently experiencing (but that I cannot go into), it just leaves me feeling like I have been hit by a freight train.  I don't think I have ever been so tired before.  And the thing that helps me get through that is the people in my unit.  My friends and coworkers here have been such a relief to me.  Being able to sit and chat and joke and laugh in the midst of sheer exhaustion as been very comforting.  I cannot say that it makes the work load feel worth it, but it is definitely what gets me through.

Physical: This has fallen to the wayside during my traveling and working the last couple of weeks.  I am hoping to return to a more normal schedule now that I am back in Bagram, but we shall see.  I need to find a more consistent schedule and get my butt outside and run more.  On the up side, the weather is calming down and it is more pleasant to run.  On the down side, I am tired and don't feel like going.  I still am hoping to do the Army ten miler in October, but I need the pace in my life to slow down a bit first.

Spiritual: While I have maintained the ability to read my bible twice a day, this past couple of weeks has been destructive to my quiet times.  The long hours just nugging away in front of a computer took their toll and I am hoping that now that I am back in Bagram, I might be able to get some solid sleep and reset myself.  Unfortunately, I am feeling spiritually very weak, just like I do in every other area of my life right now.  I feel like I lack the emotional capacity to handle my exhaustion and that it is seeping into every area of my life.  I pray daily for strength and drive but I can hardly find it.  The worst part of my day is waking up and dragging myself out of bed. I'd love to end this with something witty or inspiring, but I have got nothing.  I am still here and feel like a balloon with a slow leak that is just about out.  We are going home in two months but I cannot give thought to anything past today without feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.  Hopefully, the next couple of weeks will slow down and I will find my strength renewed.  I have heard that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but I am now contemplating if it is possible to walk away without being hardened and changed. 

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Spiritual: Exegesis Regarding the Doctrine of Covenants- Part 3

My First Exegesis Regarding the Doctrine of Covenants: To Include the Covenant of Friendship- Part 3 of 3
By: Candice C. Farney

So what is a covenant friendship? Should we care?

Fifth covenant: Covenant between Friends
The last covenant I know of is one that I have never seen explored. Jonathan was the son of Saul; the first King of Israel.  Saul fell out of favor with the Lord and the Lord called Samuel to seek out David.  Saul became very jealous of David and made several attempts on David's life, with David escaping each time. At least twice, David proved to Saul that he had the opportunity to kill him but chose not because Saul had been anointed by God. During all this time, there is a back story between David and Jonathan. Jonathan is about to lose his kingdom to David and he doesn't care (1 Samuel 18:1-4, 1 Samuel 19:1, 1 Samuel 20:42, 1 Samuel 23:15-18).  Their story starts in 1 Samuel 18:1-4:

"As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.  And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father's house.  Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul.  And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt."
There are two very intense sayings here. The first is that their souls were knit together. The second was that Jonathan loved David as he did his own soul. And out of response to this love, Jonathan made a covenant to David. However, we see indications that this was not necessarily reciprocated by David. David did not reciprocate Jonathan's actions and might not have initially shared in Jonathan's love. So this initial covenant may have just been made by Jonathan to David and not both ways.  After David ran away from Saul, Jonathan volunteered his services to David. He told David that he would find out his father's plot against David and make it known to him. After Jonathan discovered that Saul intended to kill David and that David had done nothing wrong, Jonathan went to David. In 1 Samuel 20:41-42, we see their exchange;

"… David rose from beside the stone heap and fell on his face to the ground and bowed three times. And they kissed one another and wept with one another, David weeping the most. Then Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, because we have sworn both of us in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord shall be between me and you, and between my offspring and your offspring, forever.’” And he rose and departed, and Jonathan went into the city."
There is no doubt that David reciprocated Jonathan’s love. Heck, he even wept the most. Plus, Jonathan affirms that they both were sworn to each other. This would seem to indicate that they made the covenant to each other, at least this time, if not before. There covenant was then reaffirmed in 1 Samuel 23:15-18,

"David saw that Saul had come out to seek his life. David was in the wilderness of Ziph at Horesh.  And Jonathan, Saul's son, rose and went to David at Horesh, and strengthened his hand in God.  And he said to him, “Do not fear, for the hand of Saul my father shall not find you. You shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next to you. Saul my father also knows this.”  And the two of them made a covenant before the Lord. David remained at Horesh, and Jonathan went home."

This may have been a reaffirming of their first covenant, or superseding it as they grew in love. We see here that not only are they dedicated to the protection of each other (demonstrated by the gesture of giving the other their weapon) and the livelihood of each other (demonstrated by the giving of the shirt off one’s back) but also the eternal dedication of even their offspring to each other. This is a very deep and intense love. After Jonathan dies in battle, in 2 Samuel 1 we see David fasting and weeping. He even says that Jonathan's love exceeds the love of women. Then in 2 Samuel 9 we see David giving Jonathan's son the same honor at his table that he gives to his own sons, despite the fact that Jonathan's son was a cripple. He restored his father's land and even gave him laborers to work the land for him. David loved Jonathan's son out of the abundance of love he had for Jonathan.   They expressed this love for each other through covenant and both were blessed by it.

What should a covenant friendship look like or mean?
The next question I had was what would a covenant friendship look like? What do I know about other covenants that could give me insight into this type? From here on out, these are mostly my extrapolations and thoughts on the matter. Consider it advice and let it weigh with that limited authority in your life. A covenant friendship is a commitment to love the other person more than you love yourself. Whatever you have that they need is available to them to include your time, money and resources. I am available to my husband all the time, for whatever he needs. Just as I try to be available to God at all times. I don't do this perfectly but I try to do better every day. This is the same way that we need to love anyone that we are in covenant with. This love is not conditional upon how we feel or our selfish desires. It is about being as unselfish as we can.

A covenant friendship is also a commitment to pray. You can love people best by lifting them up before the Lord in prayer and supplication. I pray intentionally at least twice a day for my husband, our marriage and also my relationship with God. It would then follow that if you covenant yourself with another you should commit yourself to pray for them at least daily. A covenant friendship is also a commitment to their family. You love their children with the same love and care that you show your own. This is how David did it, and as he was a man after God's own heart, this is our best example. Thus, you must be just as available to their family as you are to your own. A covenant friendship will have repentance, forgiveness and reconciliation. I am argumentative in nature. I enjoy a good argument. But many times I have to remind myself that I love my husband more than I love being right. In any moment of discord, I will stand back and evaluate every way that I can think that I have been unloving. It doesn't matter if my point was a good one or if I was right. I love the person more than the win. We have to be able to approach our covenanted friend with humility and be the first to ask forgiveness. It opens doors and creates more vulnerability and more room for love. A covenant friendship will probably contain a lot of the other parts of covenant that marriages typically take on such as: accountability, honesty, openness, sensitivity and confidentiality. Honestly, I think you have a lot of freedom to choose what the premises for this type of covenant should look like because we don't see a lot of structure in it. I would say model it as best you can after David and Jonathan and then add to it as you feel called.

There is one other suggestion that I would like to make. Don't cross gender lines. Again, I revert to all things being permissible, but not all things beneficial. I am not saying you couldn't make a covenant across gender lines outside of marriage, I just think this would probably cause more tension than good. This doesn't seem like the type of thing that is above reproach. When people see it they may not understand. I cannot imagine how I would have felt if I found out my husband was in a covenant with another girl before we got married. I definitely don't know how I would feel if he entered one now. If you feel called towards someone of the opposite sex, consider covenanting your families, after considering it and discussing it with your spouses.   If either spouse is uncomfortable with this then out of respect for that spouse, do not enter the covenant.  I have definitely had my share of moments where I am reminded that the spouse of a friend's opinions and feelings matter just as much, if not more, than your friends. You want to be a blessing to their marriage, not just to one of them individually. Thus, you need to love and respect both of them and their wishes.

In Conclusion

In conclusion, I do not think that the final three covenants discussed are required.  Actually, technically none of the covenants are required.  If they were, then you wouldn’t have a choice in the matter.  Salvation, however, hinges on our accepting the new covenant.  And through our faith and acceptance of it, God is glorified.  The marriage covenant is not required and even somewhat discouraged by Paul (1 Corinthians 7).  However, it can bring God much glory by way of putting on display Christ’s relationship with the church and showing the world the kind of sacrificial love that our Savior showed us.  Making a covenant with yourself not to sin is not required either.  We see only one example in the bible of someone doing this, and that is Job.  And after he proved his faithfulness and dedication to God, the Lord restored him to twice what he had before.  Covenants between nations are few and far between and are also not required.  But we do know that not keeping this type of covenant is going to result in God turning His face away from us on this earth.  And covenant friendship is not commanded by God.  But we do see Him blessing it.  Both Jonathan and David were blessed by each other and by God through the covenant they joined.  A covenant is really a commitment before God to keep His commands very intentionally towards another person, knowing that God will hold us accountable.  Covenants bring Him glory. Again, if they were mandatory, this would not be so.  God gives us the freedom to respond to His call to love by entering a covenant.   I encourage you to consider enter into any of these covenants, if you feel so called.  It is yet another chance to be obedient to God by loving others and bringing Him more glory.  Covenants are a means to love deeper and more intentionally by abiding in a closer commitment with the Lord.


To you Lord, be all glory, honor and praise.



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Here are some references that I read and that through. Feel free to do the same. http://www.padfield.com/2004/covenants.html http://www.cephasministry.com/water/bible_believers_god_made_three_covenants.html http://www.gotquestions.org/bible-covenants.html
http://www.messianicassociation.org/ezine17-af.covenants.htm
http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Books,%20Tracts%20&%20Preaching/Printed%20Books/Dr%20Jack%20Hyles/Blue%20Denim%20and%20Lace/blue_denim_and_lace-chap_5.htm http://faithencounter.org/covenant.htm http://gracethrufaith.com/selah/eternal-security/the-covenant-relationship/

Friday, July 26, 2013

Spiritual: Exegesis Regarding the Doctrine of Covenants- Part 2

My First Exegesis Regarding the Doctrine of Covenants: To Include the Covenant of Friendship- Part 2 of 3
By: Candice C. Farney

What covenants are we most familiar with? What is revealed about these covenants?

First Covenant: God and man
When you Google "covenant" this is probably what is going to come up first. I say that because this was what came up first for me. There are many Christian and Jewish scholars that discuss the different covenants that God creates with men. Many theologians smarter than I have covered the topic and I would highly suggest you study some of those texts if you are interested. However, just because other's cover it, doesn't mean I won't. And honestly, there are a couple of points that I disagree with. Typically, commentators identify these are the major covenants between God and man: Edenic (Hosea 6:7), Adamic (Genesis 2-3), Noahic (Genesis 9), Abrahamic (Genesis 15), Aaronic (aka Priestly covenant from Numbers 25), Mosaic (Exodus 24), Davidic (2 Samuel 7) and the new covenant (Jeremiah 31:31-39 and Ephesians 1:11-14). This is not an exhaustive list.  But these are the most commonly identified covenants (though not all of them are called covenants specifically in the bible).  The only one I will cover in depth here is the covenant that each of us may enter into: the new covenant.

The new covenant- The new covenant first appears in the Old Testament when God reveals it as a promise to the Prophet Jeremiah (Jeremiah 31:31-39).  God tells Jeremiah that even though Israel turned from her husband, the Lord and breaks her portion of the covenant. As an aside, this metaphor is an interesting one and later is revealed in Ephesians 5 that Christ is the head of the church as a husband is the head of his wife. Keep this in mind as I will come back to it. However, God has remained faithful and continues to fulfill his end. Under the new covenant, the law will dwell within God's people and it will be written on their hearts. This seems to allude to the promised indwelling of the Holy Spirit. Even if it doesn't, remember that Christ said that the law is based on love. So when God says the law will dwell within us, He is literally saying that we will be indwelt with love for God and love for others. It is under this new covenant that Christians live. God describes a covenant that reaches to the ends of the earth and expands for the rest of time. But in the New Testament, we learn that there is one ‘way out’ of this covenant. There is one thing that cannot be forgiven and will break any covenant that one has with God. It is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit (Matthew 12:22-32 and Mark 12:22-30). These instances are specifically mentioned twice in the bible and both times are said from the mouth of Christ. I will not get into specifics on the subject because blasphemy against the Holy Spirit really deserves volumes with all the theories and implications in these verses. The important thing to know is that, because the result is losing salvation, it must break the covenant that should result in salvation.  For the purposes of the doctrines of covenant, it is just important to know that God does provide a way that this covenant can be broken. But we still see the purpose of entering the new covenant is to the praise of His glory in Ephesians 1:11-14.

Second Covenant: Husband and Wife
The second most talked about or referenced biblical covenant is the one of husband and wife. This covenant starts in the Garden of Eden itself. Genesis 2 provides our first definition of marriage, a man and woman that leave their families in order to create their own. We know that God intends this to be a covenant because He calls it that in Malachi 2:14. The covenant of marriage literally is the joining of two people into one person. Jesus says in Matthew 19:6 "So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together let not man separate.” We see many conditions of the covenant of marriage given in the bible. Entering this covenant requires one man, one woman and God. It requires leaving the original family unit and making a new one together. It is not called to separate.

But, just like the new covenant, there is a ‘way out’ provided. Technically, there is one provided in the Old Testament and one provided in the New Testament. The first way to break the covenant of marriage is covered in Deuteronomy 24:1-4, Matthew 5:32 and Mark 10:4  saying that if one spouse commits adultery on the other it gives the non-adulterous spouse the right to offer a certificate of divorce and break the covenant. Now, to put it bluntly, God doesn't want to see divorce in any circumstance ("let not man separate!"). But God being a loving God understood that adultery is so painful to the faithful spouse that there heart would be hardened (Mark 10:5).  So God allows them a way out without the guilt being on their head. For my husband and I, we decided when we got married to supersede this covenant. We acknowledged that God doesn't want us to divorce in the worst of circumstances. That He can be brought glory even through adultery. So we decided that we will not divorce in the case of adultery. When we made our covenant, we said that the only case in which we would divorce is if one of us had a repeated sexual relationship with another person that we are not willing to give up. It doesn't matter if it is caught nor confessed. So long as the adulterous spouse is willing to give up the relationship and stay in the marriage, then we both will. We will live in love and forgiveness and we will stick around and figure it out to bring God glory. Because God is a God of healing and reconciliation, we trust that He would heal our marriage. Not that either of us has any worry about the other cheating. Because we know that our line for divorce is so far back, I can honestly say that we have more freedom in our marriage than pretty much any other we know. My husband and I can confess our every sin to the other and know that the other won't leave. Even more so, each of us is willing to have the other confess their sins to us and love each other and help each other through it. I have almost as much freedom in my covenant with my husband as I do in my covenant with Christ, which is fitting because the covenant of marriage is supposed to reflect the covenant Christ made with the church (Ephesians 5). It is the kind of love that casts out all fears and doubts (1 John 4:18).

Now, on the topic of divorce (or breaking the covenant of marriage), the Apostle Paul gives one other acceptable circumstance for divorce.  Paul says that if a believer is married to an unbeliever and the unbeliever leaves, then the believer is released from the covenant (1 Corinthians 7:12-16). Paul comes to this conclusion saying that an unbelieving spouse is made holy by their oneness with the believing spouse. Now, this is not saying that the unbelieving spouse is saved and Paul makes that clear in verse sixteen. The non-believing spouse is just entering a marriage and cannot be bound by the covenant because they cannot make one before a God in whom they do not believe. This is why Paul starts by saying the believer cannot leave. Is it going to be frustrating covenanting yourself to a person that has not covenanted themselves to you? Yes. Is it going to cause friction? Most likely. Does that give you license to leave? No. Why? Because you make them holy (1 Corinthians 7:14). This does not mean you tell your unbelieving spouse to leave you so that you can be free of your covenant. It just means that if they want to break their vow, then it will release you from the covenant.

On this note, there is one excuse that believers like to make to justify their divorce from a non-believing spouse. That God didn't want them to enter that marriage in the first place. This is the first of two times I will say this, covenant beats command. The reason Paul tells you that you cannot leave is because you entered a covenant that God didn't want you to enter in the first place. But let me back up. Multiple places in the bible give the same command; believers are called to marry other believers, not unbelievers. The bible talks about this in many terms; including being equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14-18, Deuteronomy 7:3; Joshua 23:12; Ezra 9:2; Nehemiah 13:25; 1 Corinthians 7:39). The idea comes from farm work where you would yoke two oxen (or other large animals that would pull your plow) together and put them to the plow. You would want two of equal size and strength so that they both pull equally and at the same speed. If one was significantly weaker, it would pretty much be dragged by the stronger and could damage both animals in the end. In life, you want your partner to plow at the same speed as yourself. You don't want to be the strong one dragging the weaker one along until they quit and you don't want to be the weak one holding someone back; especially in their faith. It's about going in the same direction, at the same speed, neither pulling the other.  Instead walking along side each other, and sharing the weight of the load. So how does covenant beat this command? We have already been told that failing to obey God's command and marrying a non-believer does not give the believer the right to leave. The covenant you enter, even against God's command, you must honor because that still gives God more glory. This does not mean that God is required to bless you in your disobedience. It just means He gets more glory by your fulfilling your promise to Him and others in spite of your disobedience to His command.

Third Covenant: Covenant with the Oneself
The third covenant from the bible most commonly talked about comes from Job. The book of Job talks about Job’s faithfulness to God in a very hard to endure circumstance.  He was a man who had lost everything, but was still worshipping God. When a friend asked him what sin he had committed that would make God punish him, he answered that he hadn’t sinned at all.  And in explaining part of his righteousness in Job 31:1, Job tells us he made a covenant with his eyes to not look at any woman lustfully. This is a covenant of purity. This reveals knowledge that isn't again revealed until Jesus brings it up in Matthew 5:28, when He says that even looking at a woman lustfully means you have committed adultery. Job is merely trying to indicate that he knows he is blameless before the Lord but his covenant to himself for purity is an inspiration to many.  His example reveals that you can covenant with yourself before the Lord to not sin. This would be another way to love God and bring Him glory, by following His commands.  The problem is that most people don't have the intestinal fortitude to make this kind of intense commitment even if it is to free themselves from a sin they cannot escape. If you are taking your sin seriously and are truly ready to give it up, make a covenant with yourself before God to never do it again. Choose loving God and others over loving yourself and your sin.  This type of covenant may not be necessary for all types of sin, but it may be for you if there is a specific sin that you have been tempted by for years.  However, do not enter this covenant rashly.  You need to be very honest with yourself and if you are really ready to give up your sin and never turn back to it.  Because, again, if you make a covenant and you break it, it will not go well with you.

Fourth Covenant: Covenant between peoples/ tribes
The fourth covenant covers covenants between people groups or tribes. These types of covenants can be found in the Old Testament but there is one that stands out to me the most. It is found in Joshua 9. Joshua was leading Israel to the lands God promises after Moses died and Joshua was tricked into entering a covenant with the Gibeonites, a people God commanded them to destroy. After realizing this, Joshua made them forced laborers for Israel, but honored his covenant. Again, covenant overrides command. If it did not, we would have seen God rebuke the Israelites for allowing the Gibeonites to live, as He did whenever the Israelites did not fully fulfill His commands to destroy other tribes.  As a matter of fact, 2 Samuel 21 we see that years after Joshua died we learn that King Saul killed some of the Gibeonites. Though we do not know why, we do know that God punished Israel with a famine that lasted at least three years and passed the point of Saul's death. The reason I chose to focus on this covenant is that not only does it show covenant beating commandment, it shows how covenant transcends time. The original maker of the covenant was long since dead and the violator of the covenant had also died, but God still held the nation of Israel accountable through famine. And we already know that famine is one of the ways God says He will punish those that break a covenant. Even though God never wanted them to enter this covenant, He still expected them to honor it.

But how do we enter this type of covenant when we no longer have tribes and we are not diplomats that can tie our country's fate to another?  My thoughts on the best fulfilling of this type of covenant would be to create covenants between churches. As long as that church believes in the fundamental principles of the Gospel, then the small differences don't matter for the sake of covenant. By covenanting churches together, we not only learn to love each other better, but we can expand our reach to God's glory! Consider this: a church in the heart of a big city and a big church in the heart of a suburb. The church in the suburb probably has a lot more money (and is likely wasting some of it on the finer things it does not need) and the church in the city has a big mission. By partnering these churches, you can extend the reach of both.  You partner in saying neither church will let the other die but both churches will receive what they need to preach the Gospel. The big church might seem like it is helping the small church more, but really, both would be a blessing to each other. In seeing the Gospel spread and the word alive, the suburban church will grow and be blessed. They actually receive more by being a part of a Gospel that grows. Churches should be looking for new methods to expand their Gospel reach and I think partnering with other churches would be a perfect way to do that. Aside from giving monetary support, each of the churches should find ways to serve the other instead of their own and partner together in love.


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Thursday, July 25, 2013

Spiritual: Exegesis Regarding the Doctrine of Covenants- Part 1


My First Exegesis Regarding the Doctrine of Covenants: To Include the Covenant of Friendship- Part 1 of 3
By: Candice C. Farney

The Back Story:

So recently in my readings of the Old Testament, I came across a passage I am sure I had read before but that struck me in a new way. The other day, I was reading 1 Samuel and the story of David and Saul when I picked up on something that before, I must have just read over. It was regarding the relationship between Jonathan and David. Specifically, I was reading 1 Samuel 18:1-4, 1 Samuel 19:1, and 1 Samuel 20:42. These passages talk about Jonathan loving David as himself and the two making a covenant between each other. Now, I have read of many covenants in the bible, two greater known (between God and man and between a husband and wife) and two lesser known or focused on (covenants between tribes/ people and covenants with ourselves) but I had never seen this kind of covenant between two people outside of marriage.

Please note: these are just my thoughts and extrapolations.  I include as many scripture references as I can think of to explain my thoughts.  Anything that comes from scripture is authoritative; my recommendations are not.  I encourage you to consider all of these things and weigh them against what you know.  If something makes sense to you, then use it.  If it doesn’t or you disagree, don’t heed it.  Again, these are just my interpretations and should be considered as such.

What is covenant and why does it matter?
First, we must understand the definition of covenant. Covenant derives originally from the word "to cut." We know that people use to cut a calf in two and walk between the parts (see Genesis 15:7-17 and Jeremiah 34:17-19) Covenant is created and recorded by God. To put it mildly, it is a promise to God that you are bound to keep for all of time. It is defined by God because it is created and held by God. The gist is that it is a promise to love another more than ourselves; to be willing to lay down your life emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, financially, etc. for another person or group of people. It is a willingness to completely put another's life ahead of yours. We are called to this regardless. It is commanded by Jesus to "And he said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.  On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.'" (Matthew 22:34-40) Jesus did this by dying on the cross for the sins of all mankind regardless of the world loving Him. We are called to love with this same kind of sacrificial love. Some may disagree that covenant is about this kind of sacrificial love.  However, all I can say is that if Jesus says all of the laws of the Old Testament are dependent upon these two commandments then the laws regarding covenant must depend on this love as well.

So you may ask what makes a covenant different than just loving others. Covenant is an eternally bound oath before the Lord, and that is quite a commitment. There isn't a way out of it unless predetermined by God in the bible.  You cannot go back on a covenant but you can supersede it by taking the bounds a step further.

Aside from covenants, there are also oaths and vows. Covenants, once entered into, have no contingencies. There is never a point you are released from it. They are binding and they transcend time because God transcends time. Unless there is a prescribed way, given by God, that releases you from that covenant, it will continue. Vows and oaths are, for all intents and purposes, the same thing. If there is a difference, it seems miniscule at best. Vows and oaths are promises made to the Lord but are contingent upon the fulfillment of something; usually either an event or time. In the bible, we see people vowing to the Lord that if He would give them something then they will return it to Him in the form of an offering. We see vows of curses for those that break a fast. We see a man vow up to half his kingdom to a dancing girl that leads to the death of John the Baptist. And we see Jewish leaders vowing not to eat until they kill Paul, which, unless they broke their vow, means they died of starvation (Judges 11:30-3, 1 Samuel 14:24 Mark 6:23, Acts 23:12). There is also a biblical example of a vow that is for a period of time. It is the Nazirite vow where you cannot shave your head, be near a dead body (even if it is a close member of your family), nor drink any fermented drink nor eat grapes. This was usually done for a specific and measurable period of time (Numbers 6:1-21).

Up until this point it may seem like covenants, vows and oaths are all the same thing.  The reason that I argue that these things are different is in the way God describes the consequences for breaking any one of these. This shows a different level of importance between these that makes for a very wide chasm. When it comes to vows and oaths, God wants us to fulfill the vow in haste or the consequence is that you are guilty of sin (Deuteronomy 23:21, Ecclesiastes 5:4, Numbers 30:1-3). Now under Jewish laws, being guilty of sin would likely result in a period of uncleanliness, being unable to participate in certain religious ceremonies and definitely a sin offering. There is no impression given that this reaches a level of severity that it will separate you from God beyond the usual realm of every other sin.

When observing the examples of covenant breaking in the bible, one will find a vengeful God. He does not take it lightly. For instance, there will be panic, diseases that destroy the body and pain the heart and eyes, famine (which probably means there will be death in the land), God will set His face against you (literally being on God's bad side), your enemies will overtake you and overpower you, you will experience God's discipline and you will toil in pain with no fruit born (Leviticus 26:14-36). Elsewhere, we see the additions of God's anger being kindled again the covenant breaker, being forsaken by God; you will be devoured by many evils and troubles that will definitely come (Deuteronomy 31:16-18). To put it lightly, there are many grave consequences. This seems extreme compared to those considered guilty of sin. We know that the penalty for sin is death (Romans 6:23).  Everyone lives in that penalty since Genesis 3 and everyone’s earthly body will eventually perish and become dust.  The difference that we are talking about is the quality of life.  The punishments for breaking covenant are more severe for this life.  Instead of separation from God in eternity, you will experience separation from God here on earth.  Life is not going to go well for you, because the Lord will not be with you.   

On top of that, even when you break the covenant, you are still bound to it unless there is a circumstance where God releases you from it. Just like when Israel turns her back on the Lord time and time again in the Old Testament, the covenant is never dissolved. Basically, there are times when they are living under the terms of the covenant and there are times when they are not. When they aren't, God deals with them accordingly. When they are, God blesses them abundantly. It is not once broken, always broken. And at the same time you cannot break it, even for a time, without punishment.

How does covenant reveal God's glory? Why would I consider entering a covenant?
After understanding how God views covenant, it is hard to understand why one would enter one if they could avoid it. Now obviously, we want to accept God's covenant with us and we also are willing to enter marriage as we are called (go forth, be fruitful and multiply right?!) but after that, most people seem to ignore other covenants. We abide in these two covenants, reap their blessings and say that's enough. But if we want to love God as we are called, we must keep His commandments. 1 John 5:3 says "For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome." And we know that God's love is glorious (Psalm 115:1). When we dwell in this love, we experience a piece of God's glory (1 Peter 1:8-9). Thus, it follows that the more we obey these two commandments by loving both God and man, the more we experience and share God's glory.

Now, God loves us through covenant.   And then He calls us to love each other as He has loved us (Ephesians 5:2).  Thus, it follows that one way for us to show our love is through covenant.  Experiencing God's love is experiencing His glory. Sharing God's love with others is sharing God's glory. And the more we share less of ourselves and more of God, the more He is glorified. We know the promise of John 3:16. That God so loved the world that He gave His only son, so that we will have eternal life (yes, I paraphrased). So we rest in this assurance. But the assurance of our salvation stems from God's love, expressed through the new covenant through Christ, to God’s glory. As Christians, we know what we have been saved from, and we know why. It is very simple. God loved us. God loves us so much that He wants us to share in His glory for the rest of eternity!

Covenant is a step of faith. It is answering God's commandment to love in such a way that we are willing to be called into greater accountability. Accountability is the difference. Entering into a covenant with others tells God that we are taking His commandments very seriously. We step out in faith to grow in our knowledge and understanding of love. We put ourselves in the same situation God has put Himself in with us. We are promising to God that regardless of how the other person responds or acts, we are going to love them. It expands our ability to love as we better understand how God has loved us and thus, we experience even more of His glory. As we commit to loving others more than ourselves, we find ourselves shedding the selfishness of the world and taking on a more holy calling. Covenant is not the only way to love people as God commanded but it is a way to love them with a higher calling and greater accountability to the glory of God.   Christ didn’t need the new covenant to die on a cross for us; it is out of His love for us that He offers us this covenant for our benefit.  The covenant, like all covenants, is merely a means to love deeper and closer.  It is love with a commitment. 


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Saturday, July 20, 2013

Afghanistan: Number 17

Ok, so I am a day late, but at least I am not a dollar short.  Here is my 17th blog post from Afghanistan for my 20th week.  Life has been pretty good and also pretty bland here in Afghanistan.  So I will just jump right in in my usual style.

Mental:  I have really been doing a ton for Lean Six Sigma and I had better get my butt on it in the next week or I am going to find myself in some trouble.  I am already behind from starting over and I can't honestly say I have made much effort to do any better.  But I have been challenging my brain in other ways through book reading and studying.  But I will touch on that under the spiritual paragraph, so I won't touch on it now.

Financial: I finally bought another stock.  It has a high EPS of about 8.26 and their next earnings report comes out Thursday.    I bought it the other day and currently haven't made anything on it, but long term, it seems like this stock is just continuing to climb.  I actually owned it a couple of months ago and it has gained a lot since then.  I kind of wish I had held onto it, but cest la vie.  I am going to watch it carefully for the next few days to see what it does.  I am expecting this to be a short to mid-term stock.  I have been looking at several others too, but I want to be at a safer point with this one first.  Within the first few days of buying a stock, even if you sell it, the money isn't available right away.  So in another day or so, I will probably make my next purchase.

Physical: It has been a good workout week for me.  I only missed one workout day, which was more because I had miscalculated the time accidentally and woke up too late.  And as I have been working out more, I have found that my appetite has been decreasing (which generally happens to me when I am getting into a consistent schedule).  Unfortunately, because I haven't been as hungry, I also haven't been getting my green drinks in.  So I need to make sure I am keeping up good habits there.  I also need to learn to balance my running speed.  Since I have started incorporating sprints and going faster for shorter periods of time, I am starting out too fast on some of my longer runs and am burning out too quickly.  Which is an issue because I am still planning on running the army ten-miler in October.  I want to run that at an 8:30-9:00 mile but I keep taking off at a 7:30 pace and burning out.  I need to get used to both distances and train my body to do it.  And what I really need is to be able to run at night.  I always end up sucking wind in the mornings because it just keeps getting hotter the longer I go.  Or I need to get up earlier... which I am not good at. 

Emotional: This week has been a good one.  I am connecting really well with my husband and we seem to be at the best place we have been this whole deployment.  To be honest though, I think we have just in the process of constant improvement in our relationship since I got here.  I still question as to whether or not I am a good wife and if I really can be when I am so far away, but as I see my marriage prosper, I guess I have to answer that yes.  I think the reality is, God's got this and I don't need to worry about it.  I just need to respect and love my husband and the rest will fall into place.  But that isn't always easy, especially as I am within a week of my anniversary and have to square with the fact that I have never been with my husband on our anniversary.

I also feel at a good place emotionally in my workplace.  I feel like I am connecting with others better and am not as impatient as I first was.  Since we moved to Bagram, it feels like we are all cramped, all the time.  And that really used to bother me at first.  But now we are reaching a point of greater cohesion and I am enjoying the relationships I am building.

My morning journaling
Spiritual:  Well, the biggest update here is that I pretty much finished my first exegesis (a paper on a specific topic or text, usually in reference to a religious document) regarding the doctrine of covenants.  I am not going to go into it here much, but I completed my first draft, had Kevin review it and made some updates.  It is currently 17 pages in length.  I think I am going to find some ways to break it up into smaller chunks and get rid of some of the details to post here on my blog.  Don't worry though, I will make the full length text available to you too.  This has been quite the under taking and has taken me a little over a week to complete.  It involved a lot of reading and research and has been mentally taxing and spiritually draining.  But I also think this is part of the reason why God has called me into a time of fasting and prayer.

I have also been doing really well at keeping up with my reading and praying.  I find that an hour in the mornings is almost too little to read and pray, but that really seems dependent on what I am reading, how much and how much is sticking with me.  I have been enjoying taking notes of everything in the mornings because it helps me to see the fruits of my efforts over time.  I am also still praying for the guy in my unit that I have been praying for pretty much since we got here.  I think I am nearing 150 days straight of praying for him, and plan to continue doing so.  I have also continued to fast and pray for my friends who I love dearly but am not on the terms I would like to see us on.  But such is life and I am good with giving both of these cases over to God and let Him answer them to me in His own way and in His own time.  For now, I will just keep praying.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Afghanistan: Number 16 (50th Blog Post)!

Me and my boss eating in the DFAC
Alright everyone, it's that time of the week again.  Time for another update from Afghanistan.  I am in my twenty-first week here and am also excited that this is my fiftieth blog post!   I can't tell if that's a lot or a little for less than a year of blogging.  I hope I have enough to say to get me to 100 posts, though I have recently realized that I am a very talkative introvert, so I am sure I will have no problems there.

Mental: So, I haven't been doing much on my lean six sigma project.  With our instructor on R&R, I don't think it has really been on anyone's mind much.  I still have to pretty much start from scratch on my project and I have done a little bit of data capturing, but aside from that, not much progress at all.  I have finished a couple of books (Secret Confessions of an Unlikely Convert and The Circle Maker- both of which I loved!) and am onto a new book.  I am now reading a new book called "In a Pit with a Lion On a Snowy Day" by Mark Batterson, who is the same author as The Circle Maker.  It has been very invigorating to read more every day and I enjoy the intellectual stimulation I find generally lacking.

Financial: So still no investing recently.  Hopefully this week I will find a stock I want to buy.  There are more earnings reports coming out at the end of the month so I am thinking I should find something in the next couple of weeks.  Here's hoping!

Physical:  Well, this week has been full of set backs when it comes to work outs.  In Bagram, they have had us wearing our full kit during Ramadan.  That means wearing our individual body armor with plates and our kevlar helmets.  It's heavy and cumbersome.  And the first couple of days we had to wear it whenever we went outside.  This really meant no running and we had to wear our stuff to the gym.  So... my motivation plummeted a bit.  But now we only have to wear it during hours of darkness, so I will be resuming my workouts tomorrow.  On the plus side, I have finally found a concoction that tastes good but looks disgusting.  Its a mixture of orange juice, pineapple juice, water, a scoop of berry green drink, a scoop of lemon lime green drink and a scoop of orange dreamsicle protein powder.  It has about 32 grams of protein and only 4 grams of fat.  I am not really doing it as a meal replacement, just a meal supplement.  Even when I am eating meat, I tend to not get enough protein.  So that is why I started doing this.  Plus, I never get enough fruits and vegetables.  Regardless, this actually tastes good and is filling, so I am going to stick with it.  My intention is to keep up with it even when I get back home to Fort Carson.

Emotional: Another week, another roller coaster.  I know I have written about it much in the last few weeks and months, but I still struggle with the idea of being a good wife while I am in Afghanistan.  As I am less than two weeks out from my wedding anniversary, I cannot help but reminisce on things back home.   This will be my third anniversary and the third one that I have missed because of the Army.  Kevin and I are still close, but there is so much we cannot talk about because a. time does not allow, b. both of our jobs rely heavily on dealing in classified environments or c. because it's just not understandable when you don't know the people involved.  I miss having him to debate theology with, vent to, discuss complex ideas, tackle our future plans and just plain old have married people conversations.  One of my favorite things about Kevin is that he is very intellectually stimulating and I enjoy pretty much every single conversation we have.  As I woke up this morning and went to open my bible, I remembered that back home, when Kevin and I got up, we would go down stairs to our couch, snuggle up together under the blankets and both read our own bibles and then pray together over the day.  At night, he would read a chapter from the old testament to me while we were in bed and then we would pray together and go to sleep.  Even though I am living the basically the same schedule, it is really not the same without Kevin near.  He was probably a lot of my motivation before, because I enjoyed doing these activities with him and I enjoyed his company.  Now I do them alone and it makes me a little sad.  I was explaining to my boss the other day that though I swear a lot out here, I don't with Kevin.  People find it odd, and those that are out here with me seem to think it is unbelievable.  Especially when I tell them I don't have to try not to.  It may seem crazy, but whenever I talk to God (through prayer) or to my husband, I don't have to try not to swear, those words just never come to my mind.  And the reason is that because they both give me such peace that is pacifies my thoughts and makes them less vulgar. Now, I am working on not swearing, but it makes me realize how little I open my marriage up to those I work with.  I do not want them to see the vulnerability I have in my husband's presence.  That somehow, them knowing that I desire to be a submissive and peaceful wife will make them see me as something less.  Being with Kevin extinguishes the needless fires the Army creates.  The Army wants a killer, but being with Kevin makes me more into a pacifist.  And it is nothing he does; he is just soothing to my soul.  It is one of the biggest reasons I married him.  He calms me down, evens me out and makes me a more self-controlled and rational individual.  I have never met another man who has had such a great effect on my life, aside from the one I met hanging on a cross as a ten year old kid in a church basement during vacation bible school.  It is somewhat funny to me when anyone suggests that I would want to be with anyone else.

Another piece to my emotional state has been that I have found out that my request to leave my current unit is being granted.  There are a couple of possibilities for my new unit but it will still be on Fort Carson.  My brigade commander has approved it as well as my battalion commander, so I know it is so.  Without going in to too much detail, the gist of the story is such.  I am not dissatisfied with my current unit, nor my branch.  However, I have only seen one side of my logistical branch and to make any sort of informed decision about whether or not to stay in or get out, I need to see more.  It is not with any certainty at all that I will stay in, and it is still leaning the other way.  But so long as I am considering it, I need to have as many facts as possible. I really enjoy being in the Army.  Everyone I have met, both officers and enlisted, have told me multiple times that if I stay in, I will go far and will be very successful.  So, it is being considered.  Kevin and I still have much to talk about and I still have two years before any decisions need to be made.

Spiritual:  This functional area of my life has caused me much grief and joy over the past week or so.  In terms of just theology, I found in my reading some verses in 1 Samuel 18, 19, 20 and 22 discussing a covenant friendship.  This, to me, was a new type of covenant.  I had never heard of a covenant between friends before and the idea pretty much consumed me.  I spent a lot of time studying it and considering what it might be and what it might look like.  I have many conclusions on the matter and plan on blogging about it topically very soon.

I am have been fasting for over two weeks now and in the last week have changed the way I arrange my spiritual life.  I am now devoting the first hour of my day to the Lord.  I wake up an hour earlier than I need to and spend the first part reading a few chapters from my bible and recording verses that stick out to me. I then make a list of everything and everyone I want to pray for and spend whatever is left of the hour (usually 30-40 minutes) praying over the verses that stuck out, any theological content from my reading that didn't make sense, and my long list of prayer requests.  Along with my fasting, I pray multiple times during the day.  I am still in a place of hoping for healing and reconciliation between myself and two people very dear to my heart.  I am not going to quit fasting nor praying until God grants me an answer on the matter, but I Have given it over to Him.  The reality is, this battle is His, not mine and thus the glory belongs to Him and not to me.  I am not moving from my position because I am waiting on the Lord.  He will move when He is ready.  And I am trying to embrace in my heart a spirit of patience and a movement of my prayer from "as soon as possible" to "as long as it takes."  I have already accepted the Lord's will for my life, whatever that may be.  I am completely at peace with getting an answer of "no." But what I find myself struggling with is the Lord's timing.  I am not a patient person by nature nor trade.  I don't care what the answer is, I just want it now.  Which isn't how God works and He doesn't seem to keen towards my petty demands of timing that is most convenient for me.  I am sure He will continue to break that down in me over time, but for now, I just keep trying to remind myself "as long as it takes."  I am also ending my evenings by reading and then praying.  At night's when I pray, I actually fully writing them out, which I started doing when I first got here.  The funny thing to me though is that my prayers definitely get longer and more full of life when I look at them over time.  My prayer's when I first got here were generic and lifeless. This reflected my prayer life on the whole.  I didn't pray often nor intently.  Now I pray frequently and fervently. It is a habit I hope makes it back to the states with me because I know it has grown me a lot.  God is changing my heart and making me a more loving person.  He has a lot of work ahead of Him, to say the least. As do I.