Parenting: Our daily nanny log

 Less than a month left until our due date and things are coming together nicely.   This past week I ordered some nursing clothes which I plan on including in the go bag as well as just wanting some tank tops and such for once Joshua is here.  I also had my 36 week appointment this week and did all of the pre-admitting for the hospital and scheduled my last four appointments.  The nursery is all set up and thank you cards are out for all the gifts.  We did our labor and delivery class last Sunday and are feeling a little  bit more preapred as far as what to expect.  

I still need to build a go bag (the diaper bag is already done since none of that stuff needs to be used between now and whenever we go to the hospital).  Next weekend we plan on clearing out our registries for the items left.  Then the last thing we need to do is actually post our nanny job.  We plan on posting the job on sittercity.com  which only allows you to post a job three months out.  Since we want the nanny to start in January, it means we need to wait until the first week of October to post the job.  If we don't have someone hired by December we will probably also post on care.com since that should cast a wider net.  We have decided that we are considering paying extra for housekeeping as well.  We also broke down what we are expecting to pay which came out to about $8.50-$10.00/ hr with cleaning or $8.00-$9.50/ hr without.  

We also have the nanny log mostly done.  It took me a little bit to get used to the idea since it felt weird to me to have a log but I am glad we are doing it.  Especially since the nanny will come in the mornings when I am home and leave when Kevin gets home.  It just helps with continuity and keeping track of Joshua's schedule.  We decided to use google forms to keep track but we will just have one copy printed out and laminated for her to take notes on during the day.  Then the nanny won't need to be jumping on the computer for every update, she can just update it at the end of the day and it will automatically go into a spreadsheet.  Hopefully, this will help us avoid rushed conversations at the end of the day.  Below is the link to the nanny log.  Feel free to give it a try.  If you have any suggestions, feel free to leave your comments below.  (Please note: this will change when we move to solid foods. We also decided to leave diapers off as it just didn't seem necessary early on).
Joshua's Day Log

Parenting: Choosing Childcare

I guess it is probably time for another blog post.We are at 31 weeks and this little boy is already running out of room.  I wasn't sure what to write about since there isn't much change in my current situation.  I am due in about 2 months and Joshua seems to be growing healthily.  I have no concerns really to speak of and while most of the pregnancy symptoms really suck, it's still not that bad (though I am ever expanding). This week I did get Joshua's room a little more organized and cleared a space in our kitchen cabinets and linen closets for the addition of his things.  We are only a couple of weeks away from the baby shower and gifts are already starting to roll in! 

So, I figured instead of sharing how little things are changing, I will share some of the planning we have done in preparation for Joshua's arrival.And the question we get most is about what we intend to do for childcare.  So in this post, I will cover how we have chosen a nanny.  In a later post, I will cover things like how we intend to evaluate the job and also walking through our hiring process (we are still a couple of months from hiring anyone). 

How did we decide to get a nanny? Well it was a number of factors.  The first was really that we can afford it.  Money wasn't the main drive for wanting a nanny, but it was a show stopper.  If we couldn't afford it, then we weren't going to go any further.  So, Kevin and I looked at our budget from this year and looked at the money we are saving and have determined that by shifting the money we are saving to pay for the nanny, we have more than enough to cover the cost of a nanny.  To make sure we could afford a nanny, we factored how many hours we expected her to work in a week (aiming high at 40), then multiplying that by the minimum wage (our state's minimum wage  is higher than our federal).   We then spread it out over the course of a year because we want to pay more of a salary than hourly.  I have normally at least two extra days  off each month and we are actually expecting that the nanny will probably work closer to 35- 37 hours a week as Kevin and mine's schedules overlap. So realistically, their pay will average more than a dollar over minimum wage but we figured it would be better if our nanny just got the same paycheck every time so that she has a steady income and doesn't need to worry about what happens on my short work weeks. It's also worth noting that in our area, a starting nanny makes approximately 50 cents under minimum wage (which is illegal technically) so what we are able to offer is actually competitive in our area.  (We recognize that as we move, that may no longer be the case and we may need to explore other options).  

We also knew we wanted to set the agenda for our childcare every day.  We know we want Joshua read to every day, have tummy time and occasionally be taken on a walk.  As he gets older we want someone to work on sign language with him as well as other mile stones like talking and walking. For daycare, depending on where you go  determines what sort of care your child gets.  But no matter where you go they set the agenda, and you sign on for how they want to do things.  And part of setting the agenda for us is doing a daily nanny log.  (See next blog post!)

Other factors included wanting a flexible schedule as some days Kevin goes in early and some days he stays later and the schedule will be different as I have field exercises, training, etc.  without needing to worry about dropping Joshua off somewhere in the morning or picking him up.  We also didn't want to have to worry about what to do if Joshua gets sick and they wouldn't allow him in daycare for a few days.  I have seen many Soldiers in a rough place because every time they took their child to daycare during the winter, it seemed like their kid would get sick and then they would loose childcare for a few days (that they were still paying for of course) and it was just a vicious cycle.  Now, one of the cons to hiring a nanny is that if she calls in sick, there isn't an automatic backup.  But Kevin's schedule is very fluid and he can take time off most of the time with almost no notice, so we are willing to assume a little bit of risk there. 

So for us, a nanny was an easy choice of child care.  Though it is also worth mentioning that being in the military, it is very hard to find a day care off base that runs the same hours I do (which is a need for us because occasionally Kevin travels for work).  And on post, I would have to pay significantly more because I am an officer and Kevin makes good money (you pay based on your income, not based on the childcare being received). So day care would only be a little bit cheaper for us anyway. 

Life: Two trimesters down, one to go!

It's officially my last trimester! 26 weeks later and I figured it was about time for another update.  It feels good to be over the hump of knowing that if Joshua comes, he can survive.  Obviously, I want him to wait and develop fully and healthily but it is very comforting to know that he can come at any time.  In a couple of weeks, the Army restricts my work hours to no more than 8 hours a day, no more than 40 hours a week.  And yes, I am supposed to work up until my delivery day (unless the doctor's give me bed rest).

At this point in the pregnancy, I have been enjoying the normal symptoms of nosebleeds, heart burn, sciatic pain and low energy levels.  I have gained 20 pounds exactly  as of this morning and Joshua is kicking like crazy.  Kevin felt the kicking for the first time last week but it was off and on.  Now, if Joshua is kicking towards my front, my stomach moves noticeably.  It has become very distracting because now when I feel him kicking, I automatically want to look and see if I can see it.  Mostly he seems to like kicking me in the back, stomach and bladder.  

We've already put the crib together and got the bedding and wall decorations. We are waiting until we pick his dedication verse and then we will stencil it on his way and put the decals around it.  I am currently studying the book of Joshua during my daily readings for inspiration.  We have a few possibilities already, but our intention with the verse we choose is to help define the character we want our children to have.  

We have also been doing a fair amount of reading and have made a few "decisions" about life when Joshua comes and how we want to raise him.  I put "decisions" in quotes because these are mostly just the things we intend to try first.  For instance, we have just started talking about doing a birth plan and my current preference is to attempt a natural birth.  However, I am not opposed to getting anesthetic if that's how I feel once contractions start.  Similiarly, we have decided that once Joshua gets here, we intend to do the 90 Minute Baby Sleep Program.  Additionally, Kevin and I have decided that our child care choice is to use a nanny.  We will be waiting until his arrival is much closer to hire someone, but we will be using Sittercity to make our selection.  The last thing we have decided is that we are dropping most every commitment that we have outside of our jobs.  Since most of Joshua's time is going to be spent with the nanny, we both feel that it is really important to spend our time off with Joshua.  Not to mention the fact that unlike in most American sitcoms, we are expecting our life to change and revolve around fulfilling Joshua's needs.  Now, that's not to say we won't add things back to our social calendar as we feel able, but it will only be after we are sure that those things fit in the parameters of the type of parents we want to be.  

I think that's about it.  Just three short months left until Joshua is here and I think it will go fast and then slow.  Mostly because Kevin and I are taking a trip to Florida with my family at the end of the month and we are taking a trip back to Illinois in August (for a friend's bridal shower!) and a trip in early September for my baby shower.  And after all that traveling in the period of about a month, we will be coming home just to wait until Joshua arrives in mid-October.  

Life: We're expecting our first child!

Alright, I know I have suspiciously absent from blogging for the last few months.  At first, it was just the business of having friends and family coming to visit and hitting the slopes during any down time we had, but then that reason changed.  On February 13th, Kevin and I found out that we are expecting our first child.We kept the news mostly to ourselves until week 8 and decided that after we told our family, we wouldn't put anything online until we reached our second trimester (when the risk of miscarriage is greatly reduced).

Baby's first rattle- From my mom

13 weeks

We have had our first ultrasound and our due date has been set for October 19th.  It is hard to believe that we will have a baby  before the holidays even hit.  (If you didn't know, Kevin and I had decided to stop preventing children at the new year and had thus expected to it take the average 3-6 months to get pregnant. Instead it took less than 45 days). Kevin declared it as a boy the first night we found out while I wasn't feeling either way.  I still really don't feel any one way, but when we first saw baby moving and playing on the ultrasound, I said, "Wow! Look at him." So we shall see.  Neither of us are really hoping one way to another, but I think it is fun to try to guess.  We have every intention of finding out the sex at our 20 week appointment.

Assorted books- from my mom

Book from Aunt Heather

The Army has been both frustrating and extremely helpful during this time.  I didn't have my first appointment until week 8 and that was just an intake appointment (no ultrasound, just some lab work and family history) and I had my first ultrasound in week 11.   The Army is pretty good about not doing an unnecessary testing (unlike a regular physician who can get away with charging insurance companies for extra ultrasounds that don't really have a purpose) which is both good and frustrating.  Naturally, I would have wanted to see baby much earlier, but at the same time, I appreciate the idea of not indulging everyone of my wants.  I have also been going to pregnancy physical training instead of my normal unit PT.  This includes one day a week of prenatal yoga, one day of pool PT, two days of either cardio or light weight training and one day of classes.  The classes are taught my nurses and midwives that cover a range of topics from how STDs can affect pregnancy and delivery to nutrition to delivery methods.  It really helps that instead of having a bunch of extra appointments during the day, most of our education occurs during our regular hours and I know that if I have a question, I will see a nurse that week (though with my step mom and best friend both being doctors, I normally just text one of them when I have a question).

Soft ducky- from my mom

For those wondering, and since I have already been asked, this doesn't change anything about me being in the Army.  I got pregnant with every intention of staying in.  Technically, my commitment is up next May, but I plan on staying in past that at this point.  Yes, I can get out of the Army now that I am pregnant but no, I am not planning to.  Even if I change my mind after baby's here, (which I know some of you may be hoping for) I will at least stay in until next May and fulfill the commitment I first made.  Kevin and I timed it this way so that we would almost be forced to try and make things work with us both working.  I am not the type of person to quit because something is tough, but I will quit if I decide this is something I don't want to do anymore.  If I am being perfectly honest, I cannot imagine that I won't want to be in the Army after baby is here.  I love my job and though I am

Baby's first piggy bank- from my mom

sure I could find success elsewhere, I appreciate the structure and responsibility that doesn't exist outside our military.  If I am not in the Army, I will probably be a stay at home mom, at least for a while.   So, the question will be "do I want to be at home with baby more than I want to be in the Army?"  At this point, Kevin and I are planning on me being in until 2017/18.  If plans change, they change.  If I go for twenty years, then awesome.  If I decided I am done after my four, then so be it.

Baby's first ducky- from my mom

As far as my first trimester of pregnancy, I started getting morning sickness at week five and by week six, I had already moved into nausea with vomiting.  I have experienced a few other symptoms too (congestion, nose bleeds, fatigue, cravings, food aversions and pretty much everything in between too) and that has changed some things around our house.  For instance, I haven't been cooking much and Kevin has had to do some of the grocery shopping.  But things are slowly returning back to normal.  In fact, yesterday we hiked 12 miles to the top of a mountain and back (about 4500 ft in elevation change).  I plan on continuing to hike, but I am not sure that we will be doing any more mountain climbing as I get bigger (mostly because of the risk of falling on the snow and ice that is still up around the 10,000 ft mark).  We cut our ski season short this year in part because of the risk of falling (not much for me), but more because the morning sickness pretty much killed any desire I had to get up early and be in a car for two and a half hours.  The only weird food things have been that for the first time in my life I don't want anything to do with vegetables (which I normally love) and have only really been able to do raw carrots and I haven't really wanted chocolate (super weird for me).  I have craved McDonald's (so weird!) and Chipotle (not surprising!).

Kevin and I hiking

Bible- from my mom

Kevin and I have only bought a couple of things for baby.  The first is a bag I intend to use as a diaper bag.  I bought it during a thirty-one benefit party for Caring-for-Carter.  I bought a bag called the city weekender (may look small in the pic but it is definitely a bag for an adult with enough room for a couple of changes of clothes, etc.).  I figured it was perfect since I didn't really need or want a new purse, and this is the type of thing I can use on weekend trips after baby doesn't need a diaper bag anymore.  The second item we bought is a play yard.  We decided to buy this early since our 8 month old niece will be staying with us in a couple of weeks and we didn't have any place for her to stay.  We pretty much went with the most expensive model because it packs compactly and will be perfect for our trips back to Illinois.  It has a removable bassinet with a stand, a changing table, storage under the changing table area, a raised bassinet and then the normal play pen for when baby gets bigger.  I sent my sister-in-law a picture to let her know we have a place for our niece to sleep and she told me that her and her husband were planning on getting us a pack in play as a gift so that they could use it during their visit!  I just had to laugh that we had the exact same idea, I was just faster at ordering.  Also bought were onesies to announce we were expecting to aunts and uncles, and some bottles, blankets, jammies and a toy to tell my mom.  But none of those things are here with me and I don't have pictures, sorry.

Baby's first onesie- from Michelle

We have also had a few people already starting to buy baby gifts.  My friend Michelle technically got the first baby gift (but she was also told early as I felt horribly guilty.  I am supposed to be a bridesmaid in her wedding on October 18th and baby is due the next day!)  Naturally, since we met in college, she bought baby's first Illini gear.  My mom came in second with a silver rattle, a duck toy (we are going pond themed for the nursery since it is gender neutral), and a piggy bank.  Since then, I only know of one toy that has been bought by my mom and a bunch of books.  My mom and sister have made it their mission to create baby's library.  

Life: Glad to be home

New patio

So, I have been home for a few weeks now and really haven't stopped since I arrived.  Last week Kevin and I started renovating our kitchen and should be done late tonight.  We also had a patio put in in our backyard.  It's been a little crazy, but in a good way.  And it isn't stopping as this week my family (Mom, stepdad, brother, aunt and two cousins) are coming into town to visit.  We will be hosting Thanksgiving at our house and that brings the total to at least 11 for dinner.  So we have a busy schedule coming up for the next week and then a couple of (hopefully) more relaxing weeks before heading back to Illinois for Christmas and then on to Mexico for a romantic week away with my husband!

The current state of my kitchen

So a few quick updates...
Patio's done
Kitchen's done (almost)
Looks like I have a new job at a new unit lined up (more to follow once it is official).
I am getting my wisdom teeth pulled after Thanksgiving and will start the process of seeing if I am eligible for Lasik.
My stocks are doing really well (at on point this week I checked and saw that I had a 60% gain off my initial investment).
I finished reading through the whole bible this year (after about 9 months of reading) and am going to start a doing a new study on love.
Kevin and I are creating life goals for our family and things we want to do and achieve (we are doing this over several weeks, so once that's done, it will probably be it's own blog post).
I haven't been working out hardly at all and need to get back in the swing of things, especially before going home.  But we are planning on getting some skiing and hiking next week, so that will be good.

Ok, for now, I need to get back to putting my kitchen together and cleaning my house so I can drive to Denver tomorrow and pick up my beautiful Aunt and wonderful cousins.

I'm home!!!!

I can't believe it! I am home and have been for a week now!  It's been a great week but very busy.  I got back into my kitchen on Tuesday and Wednesday to bake and cook again which made me feel excellent. I also got to spend the weekend at my dad and step-mom's house with my husband and puppy dogs.  I also was so happy to get back to our church on Sunday.  Honestly, it has been overwhelming at times, especially when I first got home.  It is definitely a transition.  But there is a lot going on right now and a lot coming up.  So I figure now is time for some updates...

On being home... So I have already mentioned being home is somewhat overwhelming.  Generally speaking, I try not to think about things too much.  I still have dreams that I am still in Afghanistan but that is pretty normal.  I am on a good sleep schedule, though I crash at the end of the day (always before 10, usually before 9) and wake up every day between 0530 and 0630.  But I am enjoying my time at home and love being back in my kitchen.  I also absolutely love my brand new car.  I tend to feel more exhausted than before I left, but I am sure that will turn.

On Lean Six Sigma...  it has come to a screeching halt.  I have tried contacting my instructor at least three times since leaving Afghanistan and haven't heard anything back.  So, I am hoping that some doors might open on the opportunity, but I have no clue what is going to happen and it is really frustrating.

Our new kitchen cabinets... sitting in our garage.

On current projects...  While I was gone, one of our kitchen cabinets sort of fell from the wall.  So, as I have mentioned before, we are redoing the kitchen.  Because of the wood floors, I plan on painting the cabinets instead of staining them.  And I think we are going to do a tile counter top.  But so far, we have just bought the new cabinets, dishwasher and microwave.  The plan is to try to get everything done before thanksgiving.  We are also getting our landscaping in the backyard done this week and I worked on our front yard a little bit last week.  I am hoping to clear the rest of the weeds and leaves in the front yard this week as well (maybe even the clean the gutters).  Early next year we are going to put up the green house and plant some bushes in the yard- but one thing at a time.

On being married...  I forgot how much I truly enjoy my husband's company.  It might seem weird, but there seems to be lots of little things that I forgot.  It feels so good to be back home with my best friend.  He took a couple of days off with me when I first got home.  I thought it would be weird being with him all the time, but it really hasn't been.  If anything, I hate it when he isn't around.  In the next few weeks, we are going to start planning out our time and what our new schedule is going to look like and I am really excited about that.  We are also trying to plan some personal goals for ourselves as a family and how we want to serve in our church, community, work and social lives.

On self-study...  Kevin and I are nearly done with our reading through the bible chronologically study.  We should be done in less than two weeks.  After we finish, I plan on reading through the new testament focusing on verses that pertain to love (God's love for us, our love for him and our love for each other).  On top of that, Kevin and I are going to start reading "100 days to intimacy" which is a book recommended to us by some in our church.  We are hoping this will help us to communicate well and reconnect as we make this next transition.  Plus, we want to be intentional in focusing on our marriage and family.

So yeah, there has been a lot going on in just a week and there is so much more not said.  But I will continue to give periodic updates as we continue to work on our new (feeling) life together.  (And here's a video link from me seeing my puppies for the first time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYUCsxwKxtU)

Afghanistan: Number 24

Clearer view of mountains after rain

Alright, so I am a few days late.  This was kind of intentional, as I didn't want to post on my birthday, which was Sunday.  I turned 25 and as you might imagine, it was really just another day in Bagram.  It was a normal Sunday, in that I got up, video chatted with Kevin, had the morning off, went to lunch, then work then church after dinner.  Unfortunately, we had a rocket attack that night that was probably the first one that actually scared me, but at least it happened after midnight and not technically on my birthday.  Aside from that, it rained on my birthday, which is the first time I have seen rain since June (it technically rained for a few minutes last week, but I didn't know it was happening, so I didn't see it). But all in all, it was a regular day in Afghanistan.  So here goes another post for Afghanistan, knowing I should be home in just a few weeks.

Physical:  No new updates on this one, and there probably won't be much the rest of my time here.  Now that I have maxed my APFT, my fitness goals are pretty much complete.  I am probably in better shape than I have been in a long time, but I have never really been out of shape so that isn't saying much.  The goal now is to maintain when I get back, and that will be very difficult when I am back to the land of good food.

Financial: So there isn't a ton new to report here.  I did learn something new the other day though.  Basically I learned that if I hold onto my stocks for under a year, I am taxed on my gains in my current bracket (25%) but if I hold onto them more than a year, they will be taxed at 15%.  So I think I am going to try to hold onto both my stocks for the next year if I can.  And since I am getting so close to going home, I think I will even share what those stocks are.  One of them is Home Inns & Hotel Management Inc (HMIN) and Yandex (YNDX) which is basically the Russian version of Google.  Both are doing well for me and looking pretty strong.

Mental: So Lean Six Sigma is going well.  I am working on a second black belt project right now that basically covers proper planning within the Army.  Overall, I am showing that proper use of Army planning and design models paired with Lean Six Sigma can save the Army a lot of money compared to just picking projects not aligned with already set planning efforts.  My second project is going to help me get certified in Lean Six Sigma on the civilian side, since I already have my certification all settled on the military side.  This is also going to help me pursue my Master black belt.  Really, in the next week or so, I need to brief a General Officer from our division my path and plan for certification.  If he approves it, then I will be going to school for it next year, most likely.  If not, then it is dead in the water and I will just maintain my black belt.

Emotional:  So this one has been pretty good.  Life has been pretty easy going recently and I am very thankful for that.  I am also very happy that my replacement is here and we are officially starting our change over training.  She is catching on quickly and I think that change over process should be pretty seamless.  Once the new unit officially takes over in a couple of weeks, we will start heading home.  I think during that time of travel, I will be doing some automatic blog posts.  I am planning on doing a "stuff I learned on this deployment" post.  I am working on it now and am just debating whether I should break it up into a miniseries, or keep it all together.  Once I have everything written out, I will probably decide which to go with.  Honesty, I have learned a lot while I have been here.  Things haven't been easy, but I know that I have learned a lot from the experience.

Spiritual:  So I have been continuing in prayer and reading.  In my prayer life, I have been praying very consistently for certain individuals throughout the deployment. I am not seeing any sort of answer to that prayer, but I am glad to have stuck by a spiritual discipline for over 200 days.  In my reading, Kevin and I caught up to where we intended to be.  We started reading through the bible chronologically in March and it is broken up over a year period.  So back in July, we decided to read two passages a day until we got caught up to the right day.  Oddly enough, it just so happened to work out that we were caught up on my birthday.  We enjoyed reading so much, we decided to continue doing two-a-days.  Which should have us done before the end of November.  

Afghanistan: Number 23

Picture of my puppies at bed time. Can't wait to get home.

Alright everyone, so here is my 23rd post from Afghanistan and I should be back home in the next 4-5 weeks or so! It's very exciting to know that I have less than a month left in country.  I cannot believe that it is already here and I cannot wait to get home to my wonderful husband and cute puppies.  The closer I get to coming home, the more Kevin and I have started planning and preparing for what the next year or so might look like.  It is getting me very excited to come home!  So here is my 23rd update, per my usual style.


Financial: So, I still haven't sold either of my stocks, but that is because they are both doing very well from what I originally bought them at.  I actually surpassed a rather big land mark this week with them as I have officially made more than 50% on my original investment.  Right now, I am hovering around 55% and intend to hold both stocks for awhile.  The one's next earnings report comes out late in October and the other one's will come out in early November.  I plan on paying closer attention to them around that time, but both are looking like they will continue to go up over time.  And thankfully, with both of them, they are high enough that it is very doubtful they will fall so fast that I cannot sell off quickly.  I have alerts set up through my bank to let me know whenever they drop or gain significantly, so it makes it easier and I don't have to watch them.

Physical: Today I took my PT test and I scored a perfect 300. So that is another goal achieved.  Unfortunately, my run time wasn't what I wanted, but I screwed up my routine and threw myself off.  I decided to do one of my protein and green drinks. The protein was a great call, but the green stuff was a terrible idea.  Even though I took it nearly two hours before my run, it didn't feel like it digested at all.  I got to the turn around making great time, but on the way back (about the 1.5 mile mark) I started to feel like I was going to throw up. So I slowed down a little bit and told myself to hold it in until I crossed the finish line.  Which I did, but I added about 20 seconds to my time from the previous.  I need to continue working on my run time's because Colorado's elevation is about 2,000 ft higher than here.  I think working on the incline as well as working out during lunch times once I get back should help with that.  I did manage to get my 46 push ups and 100 sit ups though.  So, all in all, I can't complain.  Plus, I fired expert at the M16 range yesterday, so I guess it has been a good couple of days.

Mental:  So, I have some somewhat exciting news on this front.  First of all, they signed my DA 4187 and my certificate of completion for my Lean Six Sigma black belt.  So that is very exciting.  It should be added to my records soon, which will be the last step in this process.  But the second thing is that I might have a chance to get a Master Black Belt in Lean Six Sigma.  Basically, Master Black Belt's are instructors in Lean Six Sigma.  My instructor sent one of my products to his boss (who is a big deal with Lean Six Sigma in the Army) and he sent a response asking if I would be interested in potentially getting a Master Black Belt.  Now, this is definitely not for certain and there is a lot left to figure out.  To put it lightly, the training would come at a pretty penny and and they have to be very convinced that I am going to be successful and it will add value to the Army.  So, I am actually trying to knock out a second black belt project while I am still here.  This will not only help me to potentially become a Master Black Belt  candidate but it is also going to help me get a civilian certification as well (I want to take the ASQ when I get back, which gives me my civilian certification as well as my military).  I also need to take a qualifying exam and go through an interview process, so that will be a thing.  I have about three weeks to figure all this new craziness out.

Emotional: It has been a roller coaster of a week honestly, and it doesn't look to be stopping.  There is a lot going on with my unit right now, but also a lot going on in my life.  Honestly, Kevin and I are probably in the best place we have been this whole deployment, which is really encouraging given that I am just getting ever closer to going home. But there have been some difficult times too, but I think we are in a much better place now for it.  As for now, I am more excited than ever to get home to my husband and get back to my life with him.  We are so excited for the future and I think both of us are just really ready for me to get home.

Spiritual: So I had one of those moments this week where a verse in my reading just hit me like a ton of bricks.  The verse was Psalm 118:5 "In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free."  Sometimes it is just comforting to remember that we are free.  It's so easy to think I am burdened by God's commands, when the reality is, I am set free.  After all, Romans 8:1 says "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  The reality is, the judgment that should be reserved for me has already been paid at the cross.  It gives me the freedom to move and to love.  The freedom to love the Lord and love others without having to be afraid of screwing up.  Because the great thing is, God already knew my every failure prior to my birth, and He sent His son to die for me anyways.  I am free because the debt I owed has been paid.  

Afghanistan: Number 22

Me covered in filth at Sharana last month

Hey everybody.  Time for my twenty second post from this lovely country with less than six weeks until I am home!!  It's been a pretty awesome week and  am excited to share some updates.  The first of which is that I have pretty much packed everything up!  At least, kind of.  I have basically gone through and packed in such a way that I am sure all my stuff is going to fit.  Tomorrow, I will finish my Christmas shopping, load up the last bit of stuff, and then create my packing list.  Later this week, I will be loading two tuff boxes and a duffle bag into our containers.  After they get approved by customs, then our stuff will get shipped home.  My room will feel pretty empty once I load my stuff in the container, but I think I am good with that!

Mental: Lean Six Sigma is almost completely closed out for me!  The last bit is just getting my 4187 signed (saying that I officially completed the course) and then having it put on my records.  I don't know how long this will take, but it's not really in my hands. My part is done.  All in all, I saved the army over $10.7 mil in direct savings and over another $34 mil in cost avoidance.  It feels good to be done.  Plus, I have helped another black belt candidate finish his project, my section NCOIC finish his green belt project, my NCO finish his green belt project and then as needed helped three other NCOs with their green belt projects (two of which I am pretty sure are complete).  So, not only am I glad to be done, I am also glad to be able to help others reach that finish line as well.

The incline

Physical: So, I got a chance to do a sort of practice PT test while I was traveling this past week.  I thought about fully taking my PT test there because the altitude is much lower, but I am glad I didn't.  I did do push ups and the run route though I didn't do sit ups because doing that seemed like a poor choice on the road.  I managed to max both, but I was sucking on the run.  I think the fact that it was much hotter and there was a lot of sand and dust in the air, coupled with the fact that I was running a route I never had before in the dark made me run about 30 seconds slower than I have been in Bagram.  But even still, I think if I had run it in the morning during day light, I still would have been struggling to breathe.  So I will take my APFT next week with everyone else.  I am pretty confident I will get a 300 again and am really happy with that.  The goal though is to make sure it sticks when I get back.  I have already been thinking about my workouts and I think I am going to make sure I incorporate the incline ( which I have never done before and my goal is to be able to walk straight up it without stopping, and once I can do that, then run it) and also yoga into my workouts.  I will be doing PT in the mornings with my unit, but I want to make sure I am hitting the gym during lunch.  But the other part is making sure I don't eat a bunch of crap.  Unfortunately, we are coming back at pretty much the best food time of the year and after eating DFAC food all the time (I had steak the other night and I know that wasn't cow meat), it will be all to easy to gorge myself.  So a strict workout routine will have to be on the menu as well.

Financial: I don't have any real new updates here except that I am sitting at about a 50% gain on my initial investment.  I have two stocks that are doing quite well and I intend to hold on to them awhile longer.  Part of me is debating holding on to them longer term since I have already had them a month and a half and they have only been doing well for me.  I don't think either of them has dipped below my original buy price since I first picked them up.  But we shall see what they do in the next couple of weeks.  I might just hold them through their next earnings reports if they are looking promising.  Kevin and I are also about to hit that fun time of year where we discuss next years budget and savings plan.  It'll be nice to start figuring out what we want to do over the next year or so and set some solid goals with regards to our house, car and family.

Emotional:  I am not really sure how to categorize this next part, so I am going to put it here.  Right now, it is looking very likely that I will be going to a new unit when I get back to Fort Carson.  I don't have a specific job locked in at this point, but there are a few possibilities and all of them would be very good for me.  I got my first look at my annual review yesterday (even though it isn't due until November) and things are looking very promising.  I have been performing very well and because of that, my leadership is looking at giving me the opportunity to change units when I get back.  I am excited to take on a new job and am really ready for the change. I look forward to experiencing something brand new.  But there is a lot of unknowns that come with that.  I obviously don't have the job position taken yet, and nothing is really a guarantee until you have it in hand (and with the Army, even that may not mean much).  So with that, I also don't know what the hours will be like.  But the unknown makes it exciting for me.  It's one of the things I love about the Army, I can never really get bored.  I get to change jobs every year or so, change locations every few years and get a lot of unique opportunities.  I am slowly realizing that I actually really enjoy being in the Army, and I am surprisingly good at it.  It seems odd that this job that I picked when I was twelve really has ended up being such a good fit for me.  And though I do not know what the future holds (I have already been offered a job on the civilian side that looks potentially very appealing), I can say that I hope that whatever I end up doing, I bring God glory.

Spiritual: So, to be honest, I have been lacking a bit here.  I have been struggling to motivate myself to read my bible.  Right now, I am in Ezekiel, where he talks about the temple.  And just like reading Numbers or Leviticus, I just struggle to stay motivated and keep reading.  And that is not good, because I am actually supposed to be reading twice a day and recently, I have only been reading once.  So, now that I am nearly packed and don't have a lot of work on my plate, I am going to buckle down and get myself caught back up to where I am supposed to be.  Thankfully, I have not been struggling in my prayer life the way I have in my reading.  I have still been praying nightly and as a quick update, am still praying for my friend who doesn't know the Lord.  It has been nearly 200 nights of praying for him and it doesn't seem like any progress has been made.  But, I am starting to wonder if this prayer is not for him, but for me.  Maybe this is one of those things God has called me to just to teach me diligence and self control.  I will continue to pray for him as this deployment nears its end, but I have come to terms with the fact that this, like many of my other prayers, is not mine to demand an answer to.  Like so many other times, I am learning that patience is precious and that demanding answers doesn't make them come any sooner, and most frequently, just makes me look foolish.  So I will just have to learn some patience and love.

Afghanistan: Number 20

Ok everyone, I know I have missed a couple of posts.  To put it shortly, the theme of my last couple of weeks is exhaustion.  I have never felt before like I do now and I cannot think of anything comparable to it.  All I can say is that when I get back home, I might just sleep for a whole week.  On, that note, I plan to keep this short and direct.  So here is post 20, week 25 (ish... I am not really sure anymore).

Financial:  So I currently own two stocks and both are doing well.  The one is sitting at about 10% gain and is climbing slightly.  The other, is near, if not over, 25% gained.  The latter actually climbed even higher than that recently and then fell slighting, but is climbing back up.  I am interested to see how high it is going to go. And don't intend to sell right away.

Mental:  So, not really much progress on my lean six sigma project, but I have been helping someone else out with theirs.  I am not really sure how I got dragged onto their team, but they got a short suspense and needed the help.  As difficult as it has been, I am glad to help out a friend and I know it helped relieve some of their burden, so I don't mind so much.  Though there have been moments when I wanted to gouge my eyes out after staring at powerpoint slide for days on end, I'd like to think I did some good.  And unfortunately, it isn't done yet.  But it is close. But for now, I am slowly starting to shift back to my own project.  I am hoping to knock out my measure and analyze phases in the next couple of days and our final exam is coming up in about a week.  It will be good when I can focus on my project and not have to worry about class anymore.

Emotional:  It has been crazy busy over here and I feel like I have been running 100 mph.  I am completely exhausted and feeling quite spent.  To put it lightly, I am feeling burnt out.  I have been traveling and working non-stop for probably close to two weeks on a mammoth project that was briefed to a two star general on Saturday.  Unfortunately, it isn't done yet either and so there is still more to do.  But with the brief, the work and the traveling, I just feel completely out of energy.  And when that gets tied in with the crazy drama my unit is currently experiencing (but that I cannot go into), it just leaves me feeling like I have been hit by a freight train.  I don't think I have ever been so tired before.  And the thing that helps me get through that is the people in my unit.  My friends and coworkers here have been such a relief to me.  Being able to sit and chat and joke and laugh in the midst of sheer exhaustion as been very comforting.  I cannot say that it makes the work load feel worth it, but it is definitely what gets me through.

Physical: This has fallen to the wayside during my traveling and working the last couple of weeks.  I am hoping to return to a more normal schedule now that I am back in Bagram, but we shall see.  I need to find a more consistent schedule and get my butt outside and run more.  On the up side, the weather is calming down and it is more pleasant to run.  On the down side, I am tired and don't feel like going.  I still am hoping to do the Army ten miler in October, but I need the pace in my life to slow down a bit first.

Spiritual: While I have maintained the ability to read my bible twice a day, this past couple of weeks has been destructive to my quiet times.  The long hours just nugging away in front of a computer took their toll and I am hoping that now that I am back in Bagram, I might be able to get some solid sleep and reset myself.  Unfortunately, I am feeling spiritually very weak, just like I do in every other area of my life right now.  I feel like I lack the emotional capacity to handle my exhaustion and that it is seeping into every area of my life.  I pray daily for strength and drive but I can hardly find it.  The worst part of my day is waking up and dragging myself out of bed. I'd love to end this with something witty or inspiring, but I have got nothing.  I am still here and feel like a balloon with a slow leak that is just about out.  We are going home in two months but I cannot give thought to anything past today without feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.  Hopefully, the next couple of weeks will slow down and I will find my strength renewed.  I have heard that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but I am now contemplating if it is possible to walk away without being hardened and changed. 

Wife: Our Engagement Story

So, today is my four year engagement anniversary.  Now, I am not normally a sappy person, but I figured it might be fun instead of doing my normal post this week, to share with you guys the story of how Kevin proposed to me.  Below, you can read our version of the events, each from our own perspective written the next day.  I have not edited this story since August 14, 2009.  And for the record, my husband forever set the standards high!

Our Story

Engagement Night

Her perspective

So, I guess the story kind of begins this past Sunday when Kevin got back from Jamaica after his mission's trip. He said this Thursday was special, or something of that sort. Thursday was in fact our 11 monthiversary (as Kevin called it) but we hadn't really celebrated any other month. So at that point I kind of got suspicious. But at the same time, it was a Thursday night and we both had to work the next day and Kevin's best friend was going to be in town one night only, so I wasn't really counting on it at all. That day, Kevin and I emailed each other throughout work about our evening plans. Kevin planned the whole evening and didn't tell me anything about it. He made some offhanded comment about possibly having    reservations and maybe he'd bring me flowers. At that point, I became more suspicious, but had decided that maybe if he showed up at my door with flowers, I would let myself dare to hope. He did in fact show up at my door with flowers. There were two of them that he had picked outside his work 2 hours prior. They were dead. My hope was pretty much dead as well. The we walked into the kitchen where my Dad was. I knew that Kevin had told all of my parents the night he intended to propose. My Dad was also leading Amplify (our church's adult singles bible study) later that evening, which Kevin usually attends. My Dad turned to Kevin and said "I see you are not going to amplify tonight, loser!" And I immediately thought, "Well, Dad didn't know Kevin was skipping amplify... can't be tonight." We leave the house and Kevin says that he did in fact make dinner reservations, however they were not until later (slightly to my disappointment since I was starving) and that he wanted to show me something first. He took me up to Grand View Drive to a beautiful spot where you can see the Illinois River for miles. Before we got out of the car he said he had a story to tell me and I had to listen to the whole thing. We went and sat on the bench and we opened up this journal he had written for me from "my perspective" over the course of the summer. See, I worked as a camp counselor and I had decided early on that I wouldn't keep a journal over the summer, even though I wanted to, since I wouldn't have time. Kevin decided that he would keep one for me. So every day this summer, he wrote down the high lights and even some of the low spots from this summer. Some of the stuff, I never thought, nor would I have ever said. But he added his colorful embellishments to make me smile. Other times, he wrote down exactly what I had thought and said; in fact, there were times I interjected with my thoughts and he would read the next line and it would be verbatim. And every week this summer, Kevin sent me a one page long poem in the
mail. I thought that they were just individual poems to brighten my week. He included them in this journal he had made. And when he got to August 13th, he actually wrote down all of the things that were going to happen that day. He included in this portion of "my writing" that I finally realized it was in fact, one big poem, and not several smaller ones. He then read them all together and came to the spot where I had thought it ended. At this point, he said, "I have written more." All throughout the poem, he spoke of how much he loved and wanted to marry me. And these last few verses were no different. He stood up and by that point, I had pretty much checked out. By the end of the poem, he
had fumbled around, pulled out the ring shakily, was down on one knee, and for the last line said, "Candice Carnahan, will you marry me?" At this point, without even seeing the ring, I said "yes." I don't actually remember this but Kevin told me what I said, because I had completely checked out and was totally floored. I hugged him. And then actually looked at the beautiful ring and put it on. And as we were leaving, he kissed me for the first time ever, and called me his fiancee. I was, at this point, completely floored. I had no clue what to think or say. In fact, I almost ran into his car I was so floored. I have since found out that this poem was broken up into different parts. Each part focused on some attribute of myself that Kevin adores. He focused each part on how it relates to our marriage and what it will bring to it. I never got the hint at all and never realized it until he showed me all of the poems with each poem labeled with its focus the next day.
Then we went to this beautiful restaurant in Peoria Heights called Seven. We walked in the door and Kevin turned to the manager and said, "I believe you have reservations for me." He never gave his name or anything. And then the guy just said of course and took us back to this booth. As we were walking up to it, I saw a little present sized bag on the table. And as we got closer, I saw my disciplor/ bible study leader from school, Megan, and her husband, Erik, (they just got married on
Aug 1st) and was once again completely floored. I loved that they were there and it couldn't have been more perfect. They stayed for a bit and gave us a book that helped them out during their engagement. We told them the story to some degree and got to share with them how happy we
were. There was also a beautiful full bouquet of fragrant flowers, which were much prettier than the dead ones he had showed up at the door with.
After awhile, they left and we had dinner together. I was so excited I was no longer hungry. I ended up only had a few bites of my food (fillet mignons with garlic mashed potatoes mmm...). I couldn't hardly eat anything at all. As we left the restaurant, we got stopped by several people asking what the occasion was and asking to hear the story. So, here it is...

Engagement Night

His Perspective

(Written by Kevin the day after)
I’m engaged now! Yesterday I was very anxious all day and couldn’t eat breakfast as a result. Work seemed to drag on forever also…it never seemed to end! I randomly decided to pick some wildflowers to give to Candice when I picked her up. It helped me perpetuate the idea that this was just a special night (our eleventh monthiversary in fact) but not too special. I really wanted her to be surprised! By the time I made it to her house they were dead, drooping, and shriveling... really quite pathetic looking. This was disappointing, but Candice never expected her proposal evening to start with dead flowers! While we were at her house her dad called me a loser for skipping Amplify (bible study)! That helped me surprise Candice also. :) Candice knew that her parents knew when I was going to propose and she thought her dad was being serious… In the end she had her suspicions but given it was a Thursday and we are both working she still didn't know for sure.
We drove up to Peoria Heights. I wanted to drive all the way up Grandview Drive but ended up taking a wrong turn. After a few corrections and guesses, we made it to the scenic point with the parking and picnic spot up on the hill. It was beautiful! I was afraid it was going to be too hot, but it was shaded with a nice breeze, absolutely perfectly cool and wonderful! Then I told her that we were early and had awhile to wait for our reservations. I told her that I really wanted to tell her a story. So I grabbed the journal and we went and sat on the bench over-looking the river.
As I started reading she realized what I had done with the journal. She was surprised and loved it! The journal was very quirky and corny in a lot of places but she laughed a lot and was very happy. A few times she would make a comment about something, and then the next line in the journal was exactly what she had just said! She certainly realized what was happening as I kept reading. A few times she couldn't even look at me... but she was still paying attention! She was also surprised that I put all those stickers in it! The journal also had a lot of quirky grammar issues and spelling issues that made it that much more perfect and Kevin-esque. As you can tell I’m not a great writer.
At the end of the journal I finished it with an entry from August 13th... that day! In that entry, I explained things in present tense like she was just realizing them as she was! Perfect! Things like "Now I know why he was so tired all the time." I spent many late nights trying to finish everything and of course she knew nothing about it! She also had no idea that all the poems were one big poem about her and the many reasons that I love her.
I finished it all by restating all of the poems in order and ending with 9 extra lines in which I proposed. As I said the last line, I couldn't find the ring in my pocket! With tears coming, I proposed. She barely glanced at the ring as she said "yes" and hugged me. At this point we were both (I thought, she refutes this point!) quite openly crying. We probably hugged for 30 seconds, 1 minute, 5 minutes, I don't really know. After that, still openly crying and chin trembling, I said "You still haven't looked at the ring!" I picked up the forgotten ring off of the bench and she put it on. Perfect fit!
I told her that I loved her and carried her to the observation point, skirt and all! We (or maybe just me) were still crying... saying that we loved each other. At thus point it was already 7:30. As we walked to the car I decided to kiss her. That was not part of my original plan. I then called her my fiancee for the first time, after I kissed her for the first time! She almost ran into the car after that! Perfect!
We drove to a parking lot behind the restaurant and parked. She didn't know where we were or where we were going. I walked her to the strip and into Seven on Prospect, a Cosmopolitan Grill. As I walked up to the manager, Joe, he looked and smiled. I said, "I believe you have a reservation for me." Without saying my name he nodded and walked us, slowly and carefully, to our booth.
And then Candice realized that Megan and Erik (close friends from U of I) were hiding in our booth waiting for us! There was also a large bouquet of lavender and white flowers. The look on Candice's face was priceless. For the next 15 minutes she barely said anything except for "wow" and nervous laughter. She just gazed into my eyes in the most loving manner. She was very surprised and very thrilled that Megan was there. They gave us a book about marriage by John Piper. Candice was very surprised and distracted and could not concentrate on anything for a length of time. Between the proposal, kiss, ring, being called fiancee, flowers, Megan & Erik, she had a lot going on that she couldn't process! :) Perfect!
The waitress gave us about 20 minutes to get settled and to order. Candice finally got around to telling Megan the story. It was a great time of joy, laughter and happiness.
We finally ordered. Fillet Mignon medium-rare for Candice. Chicken and goat cheese for me! First we had some bread, warm and crispy on the outside, warm and soft on the inside with and awesome olive/antipasto topping!
The food was delicious and the calling/texting of people had begun! Erik took a photo of Candice's ring on her hand for us. Candice called her mom first and texted Heather the first picture. I called home, talked to Dad as Mom wasn’t home just then. Candice was starving when we left her house early in the evening but she only had two or three bites of her meal! I guess she had a lot on her mind right then… By that time all my surprises were over and I was certainly hungry and ready to eat.
We took some pictures at the restaurant and I spilled lemonade all over myself. Megan and Erik had to go drive down to Champaign so they left early and did not eat. While we were leaving, I stopped the manager and thanked him very much for all his help, in the middle of the restaurant. As people noticed the huge bouquet of flowers, the conversations around us slowly stopped and the looks on people's faces slowly changed from curiosity to wonder as they realized what had happened earlier tonight! After walking out, some random guys saw the flowers and asked what the occasion was. So we told them and they were very interested in the story! Afterwards one of the guys asked for Candice's name. It turns out that two of the guys knew Rob, her step-father. We finally got back to the car and drove to Amplify to meet Jill and Aaron. Jill took the flowers and our leftover food back home for us. We ended up catching Jill outside the building and Candice told the story for the 3rd time of the night.
Then we went inside and talked to Aaron along with some of Aaron’s friends and Amplify leaders (including my bible study leader). Story telling #4 was to Aaron (her father) and that group. Then I stepped over to officially introduce Candice as my fiancee to several of my peers and friends that were in the same room. Since it was a loud room filled with people, they didn’t hear the story. So Candice was able to tell the story for a fifth time to our group of friends there. Some of my friends were in Morton that evening and I wanted to catch them that night also, so we left soon after that.
As we left for Morton, I carried Candice outside and that got some stares and another "congratulations!" from some women on the street. On the way to Morton, I called Stephanie and let Candice talk to her for #6! Then I call Michael and told him all about it. Mom called me while we were at the Waterhouse (Amplify). I went to Jordan’s mom’s house and he gave me two bear hugs; one for me and one for Candice (he didn’t know if it was appropriate to hug Candice). #7 was to Justin and Jordan. That was the last one that evening.
I was emotionally, physically and in every way exhausted after leaving the restaurant. As you now know we still saw many other people throughout the night and did a lot of driving. After getting back to Candice’s house (back in Peoria) around 11:45, we laid down for a while together. I fell asleep. Perfect!
Here is a list of things that I didn’t plan on but made the night that much better:
Wildflowers – more specifically dead wildflowers
Aaron’s comment about me skipping Amplify
Missing the Grandview drive turn
Grammar errors and misspellings in the journal
Crying
Kissing
Carrying Candice in a skirt
What I said to the manager
Garlic mashed potatoes in a wine glass
Spilling lemonade all over myself
Megan and Erik’s gift
Random people that stopped and talked to us!

Afghanistan: Number 19

My MSG calls this the "gated community"

Ok everyone, so I know I have been a couple of days behind recently.  But this has been my trend this whole deployment.  I think my first posts were on Mondays and I seem to have worked my way to Saturdays, which may be my new normal.  Who knows?  But regardless, here is my new post in my same old boring way.  Post 19, week 22.

Mental: Lean Six Sigma and I have actually had a pretty good week.  I sent my data in to get my initial run through the software and am waiting for the results from that.  I ran through my define template and got that posted, which included by SIPOC (supplier input process output customer) map and got some ideas done for what my customer and what the business wants.  I have been working on my process map and am probably near a 75% solution on that.  Once I finish that up and get my initial data measurements back, I will wrap up my measure phase and turn that in.  I am expecting to have that done within the week and then move on to analyse my data.  After that, it is just making some improvements, doing another measurement and then finalizing my controls.  Some I am happy with the progress I have made and feel like I am actually gaining ground and momentum. 

Physical:  My workouts have been steady and I am definitely progressing.  This morning, I ran 6 miles in 51:30  which averages just over an 8:30 pace, which is perfect because my goal is to do ten miles (for the army ten miler in October) at at least an 8:30 pace.  I need to add a little bit more to my workouts though.  I need to add biking so that I can focus on my heart rate, at least until I get a heart rate monitoring watch.  I need to focus on spending longer period at 85% of my maximum heart rate and slowing down to not less than 65% which means trying to stay around 170 and not dipping below 130.  (To calculate target heart rate, take 220- your age and multiply by 50% to 85%.  This is the range most often recommended by sports medicine people.  They say if you are just starting out, aim 50-65%, fairly active people should aim for 65-75% and very active people should aim for 75%-85%.  I am aiming towards 85% to help increase my cardiovascular endurance.  I want my lower limit to be 65% because I want to make sure I am maximizing my workouts.  And I round up to the nearest ten, because whole numbers are much easier to remember).  So, my goal is to at least once a week do: a run over five miles (gradually increasing towards ten), a 2.5 mile run (.5 mile warm up), sprints day (focusing on distance, time, or heart rate), bike day (focusing on heart rate over time), abs day and upper body day.  We shall see how this goes.  It should become easier as this is my last day fasting from meat and will be enjoying some fish and lean protein being added back into my diet.

Financial: Well, the stock I own hit 10% gain this week, but it is still trending up.  I am expected it to gain at least 20% for me and will probably keep it a fair while longer than that.  It is a tech company with a good product and few competitors, so I (and the analysts) are still predicting it to trend up.  It's looking pretty good and I am satisfied.  I didn't buy the stock I mentioned last week because I realized I didn't want to buy another stock to hold.  Instead, I am very carefully watching another stock.  I was hoping it would drop recently, but it keeps going up.  Their earnings report comes out on 12 AUG and their EPS is around 2.7.  It looks like a good company and I may just have to suck the egg and buy at a higher price than I had originally intended.  It looks like it is also going to go up though, so I will still turn a sizable profit on it.  But we will see what this week holds. 

Emotional:  I don't have much of an update on this one.  I still am feeling very tired, and my wonderful doctor gave me a few tips as to why that might be.  All in all, it is a mixture of the environment and my change in diet.  It is probably a good reflection of not getting enough protein and eating more carbs.  The goal is to switch from that to more lean meat and vegetables, less refined grains and sugars.  This will probably be as close to a "paleo" diet as I will ever get, because I love my processed foods.  But I also understand that I need to correct the imbalance I have likely made so that I can start feeling better,  Thankfully, the protein thing will change tomorrow.   So if that's the issue, then hopefully I will be less tired.  I am ready to wake up easier and not be exhausted by all the normal things that I do.
But I am finding myself ready to go home and be with my husband more and more.  Normally, I don't think about it much because then it makes everything else harder, but I have found that it creeps into my mind more and more recently.  We are trying to plan a vacation, but I have been very burnt out on planning.  I am mostly just ready to get home and don't care much about what happens when I get there, except that I cannot wait to cook my own food! 

Spiritual: I have been doing well at reading my bible and praying both morning and night.  I feel like I have really been growing during my time of fasting (officially 40 days without meat!) but am ready  to return to my normal.  I think that fasting will become a more regular occurrence in my spiritual life and am very grateful both for what it has taught me about myself and also for what it has taught me about God.  I am in a better place in so many ways and am so thankful for my experiences the last 40 days.  It has made me stronger and more dependent at the same time.  Except now, instead of dependency on others to make me happy or scratch my intellectual itch or work out with or entertain me, I rely on God.  Where before I found comfort in others, now I find comfort in the Lord.  I have always had peace, but I am starting to finally understand "peace that surpasses ALL understanding."  I have experienced far less anxiety and worry than I have in years past.  It might seem like apathy to some, but really, it is about knowing that I am not in control, I never was and that's ok.  Worrying will not add a second to my life but it will certainly take away many if I let it. 

I am planning a mini-blog series that covers some quick bible study topics that you can go over with those that are new to Christianity, or might even serve as evangelical tools.  I will be writing them in conjunction with my studying for my time with my new disciple.  My plan is to have some five-ten minute study tools that focus on some surface level topics. That way they can spark conversations that take us where she needs to go, not just where I am trying to lead. 

Spiritual: Exegesis Regarding the Doctrine of Covenants- Part 3

My First Exegesis Regarding the Doctrine of Covenants: To Include the Covenant of Friendship- Part 3 of 3
By: Candice C. Farney

So what is a covenant friendship? Should we care?

Fifth covenant: Covenant between Friends
The last covenant I know of is one that I have never seen explored. Jonathan was the son of Saul; the first King of Israel.  Saul fell out of favor with the Lord and the Lord called Samuel to seek out David.  Saul became very jealous of David and made several attempts on David's life, with David escaping each time. At least twice, David proved to Saul that he had the opportunity to kill him but chose not because Saul had been anointed by God. During all this time, there is a back story between David and Jonathan. Jonathan is about to lose his kingdom to David and he doesn't care (1 Samuel 18:1-4, 1 Samuel 19:1, 1 Samuel 20:42, 1 Samuel 23:15-18).  Their story starts in 1 Samuel 18:1-4:

"As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.  And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father's house.  Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul.  And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt."

There are two very intense sayings here. The first is that their souls were knit together. The second was that Jonathan loved David as he did his own soul. And out of response to this love, Jonathan made a covenant to David. However, we see indications that this was not necessarily reciprocated by David. David did not reciprocate Jonathan's actions and might not have initially shared in Jonathan's love. So this initial covenant may have just been made by Jonathan to David and not both ways.  After David ran away from Saul, Jonathan volunteered his services to David. He told David that he would find out his father's plot against David and make it known to him. After Jonathan discovered that Saul intended to kill David and that David had done nothing wrong, Jonathan went to David. In 1 Samuel 20:41-42, we see their exchange;

"… David rose from beside the stone heap and fell on his face to the ground and bowed three times. And they kissed one another and wept with one another, David weeping the most. Then Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, because we have sworn both of us in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord shall be between me and you, and between my offspring and your offspring, forever.’” And he rose and departed, and Jonathan went into the city."

There is no doubt that David reciprocated Jonathan’s love. Heck, he even wept the most. Plus, Jonathan affirms that they both were sworn to each other. This would seem to indicate that they made the covenant to each other, at least this time, if not before. There covenant was then reaffirmed in 1 Samuel 23:15-18,

"David saw that Saul had come out to seek his life. David was in the wilderness of Ziph at Horesh.  And Jonathan, Saul's son, rose and went to David at Horesh, and strengthened his hand in God.  And he said to him, “Do not fear, for the hand of Saul my father shall not find you. You shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next to you. Saul my father also knows this.”  And the two of them made a covenant before the Lord. David remained at Horesh, and Jonathan went home."

This may have been a reaffirming of their first covenant, or superseding it as they grew in love. We see here that not only are they dedicated to the protection of each other (demonstrated by the gesture of giving the other their weapon) and the livelihood of each other (demonstrated by the giving of the shirt off one’s back) but also the eternal dedication of even their offspring to each other. This is a very deep and intense love. After Jonathan dies in battle, in 2 Samuel 1 we see David fasting and weeping. He even says that Jonathan's love exceeds the love of women. Then in 2 Samuel 9 we see David giving Jonathan's son the same honor at his table that he gives to his own sons, despite the fact that Jonathan's son was a cripple. He restored his father's land and even gave him laborers to work the land for him. David loved Jonathan's son out of the abundance of love he had for Jonathan.   They expressed this love for each other through covenant and both were blessed by it.

What should a covenant friendship look like or mean?
The next question I had was what would a covenant friendship look like? What do I know about other covenants that could give me insight into this type? From here on out, these are mostly my extrapolations and thoughts on the matter. Consider it advice and let it weigh with that limited authority in your life. A covenant friendship is a commitment to love the other person more than you love yourself. Whatever you have that they need is available to them to include your time, money and resources. I am available to my husband all the time, for whatever he needs. Just as I try to be available to God at all times. I don't do this perfectly but I try to do better every day. This is the same way that we need to love anyone that we are in covenant with. This love is not conditional upon how we feel or our selfish desires. It is about being as unselfish as we can.

A covenant friendship is also a commitment to pray. You can love people best by lifting them up before the Lord in prayer and supplication. I pray intentionally at least twice a day for my husband, our marriage and also my relationship with God. It would then follow that if you covenant yourself with another you should commit yourself to pray for them at least daily. A covenant friendship is also a commitment to their family. You love their children with the same love and care that you show your own. This is how David did it, and as he was a man after God's own heart, this is our best example. Thus, you must be just as available to their family as you are to your own. A covenant friendship will have repentance, forgiveness and reconciliation. I am argumentative in nature. I enjoy a good argument. But many times I have to remind myself that I love my husband more than I love being right. In any moment of discord, I will stand back and evaluate every way that I can think that I have been unloving. It doesn't matter if my point was a good one or if I was right. I love the person more than the win. We have to be able to approach our covenanted friend with humility and be the first to ask forgiveness. It opens doors and creates more vulnerability and more room for love. A covenant friendship will probably contain a lot of the other parts of covenant that marriages typically take on such as: accountability, honesty, openness, sensitivity and confidentiality. Honestly, I think you have a lot of freedom to choose what the premises for this type of covenant should look like because we don't see a lot of structure in it. I would say model it as best you can after David and Jonathan and then add to it as you feel called.

There is one other suggestion that I would like to make. Don't cross gender lines. Again, I revert to all things being permissible, but not all things beneficial. I am not saying you couldn't make a covenant across gender lines outside of marriage, I just think this would probably cause more tension than good. This doesn't seem like the type of thing that is above reproach. When people see it they may not understand. I cannot imagine how I would have felt if I found out my husband was in a covenant with another girl before we got married. I definitely don't know how I would feel if he entered one now. If you feel called towards someone of the opposite sex, consider covenanting your families, after considering it and discussing it with your spouses.   If either spouse is uncomfortable with this then out of respect for that spouse, do not enter the covenant.  I have definitely had my share of moments where I am reminded that the spouse of a friend's opinions and feelings matter just as much, if not more, than your friends. You want to be a blessing to their marriage, not just to one of them individually. Thus, you need to love and respect both of them and their wishes.

In Conclusion

In conclusion, I do not think that the final three covenants discussed are required.  Actually, technically none of the covenants are required.  If they were, then you wouldn’t have a choice in the matter.  Salvation, however, hinges on our accepting the new covenant.  And through our faith and acceptance of it, God is glorified.  The marriage covenant is not required and even somewhat discouraged by Paul (1 Corinthians 7).  However, it can bring God much glory by way of putting on display Christ’s relationship with the church and showing the world the kind of sacrificial love that our Savior showed us.  Making a covenant with yourself not to sin is not required either.  We see only one example in the bible of someone doing this, and that is Job.  And after he proved his faithfulness and dedication to God, the Lord restored him to twice what he had before.  Covenants between nations are few and far between and are also not required.  But we do know that not keeping this type of covenant is going to result in God turning His face away from us on this earth.  And covenant friendship is not commanded by God.  But we do see Him blessing it.  Both Jonathan and David were blessed by each other and by God through the covenant they joined.  A covenant is really a commitment before God to keep His commands very intentionally towards another person, knowing that God will hold us accountable.  Covenants bring Him glory. Again, if they were mandatory, this would not be so.  God gives us the freedom to respond to His call to love by entering a covenant.   I encourage you to consider enter into any of these covenants, if you feel so called.  It is yet another chance to be obedient to God by loving others and bringing Him more glory.  Covenants are a means to love deeper and more intentionally by abiding in a closer commitment with the Lord.


To you Lord, be all glory, honor and praise.



For the full version, visit this link.


Here are some references that I read and that through. Feel free to do the same. http://www.padfield.com/2004/covenants.html http://www.cephasministry.com/water/bible_believers_god_made_three_covenants.html http://www.gotquestions.org/bible-covenants.html
http://www.messianicassociation.org/ezine17-af.covenants.htm
http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Books,%20Tracts%20&%20Preaching/Printed%20Books/Dr%20Jack%20Hyles/Blue%20Denim%20and%20Lace/blue_denim_and_lace-chap_5.htm http://faithencounter.org/covenant.htm http://gracethrufaith.com/selah/eternal-security/the-covenant-relationship/