Afghanistan: Number 18

Alright everyone, time for my 18th post in my 21st week.  Sorry I am a couple of days late, but it has been busy around here.  We have a lot going on in our unit and a lot of stuff coming up.  To put it lightly, we have less than 100 days left and with all the stuff on our plates, I am betting it will go pretty fast.

Physical- I ran over 11 miles this week, so I am pretty proud of myself for that.  I have a new running partner that is willing to run distances with me on Saturdays.  He is definitely faster than me, but I don't slow him down too much.  I think next Saturday we are planning on running an 8 mile loop, but we shall see.  We don't have to wear all our gear anymore, so I have more freedom in my workout times, which is good.  I prefer going to the gym in the evenings, because I am not a morning person.  Unfortunately, my long runs will be Saturday mornings, which means getting up well before the sun, but oh well, at least I will have someone to run with.  My goal is to be able to run 10 miles in 8:30.  I think I could do it at a 9 min mile pace right now, so I want to get that down.  It already has come down and 9 min mile was my original goal pace.  I beat that goal by about 15 secs per mile for 6 miles earlier this week, so I am pretty confident I can do 10 at 9:00.  Still working at it.  Still getting better.

Financial- Right now, I still own only one stock and I have got another in mind for when the market opens on Monday.  The one I have is sitting at just under a 10% gain at the moment and has been on an upward trend for about a year.  The one I am looking at another stock right now that has low trading value, but has been on a solid upwards trend for the last 5 years.  Where I am at right now, I need to start looking into stocks that I want to keep as a short to midterm investment.  I am not totally committed to that idea yet, but I haven't been playing the market as much recently. And now that I am out of my free trading period, I am thinking less and less about quick trades and more about ones I can hold onto and grow over time.  We will see how the market looks on Monday, and maybe I will try my hand at some longer term investments. 

Mental- I have actually made some headway on my lean six sigma project this week.  I have some of my products remade and some I still need to do.  The biggest pieces I need to get done in the next day or so are my SIPOC map and my voice of the customer/ voice of the business slide.  I want to get these done before my instructor comes back, so I have a short window to complete them.  I have also completed my 18 page exegesis, which was a fun endeavor.  I know people think I am nuts, but it really isn't until recently that our society things that writing papers and letters aren't fun and that you need a specific reason to write a lengthy paper.  But, I think it was fun and it stretched my mind and grew me as a person.  I will probably always write papers and store them away.  And that is part of the reason I blog as well.  I enjoy writing and getting my thoughts out onto paper.  Writing is even more fun than reading to me, but I know that reading helps perfect writing.  I don't have a ton of time right now, so when I get the chance, I read my book "In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day." For my daily reading, I stick with reading my bible twice a day.  It seems like a better use of my time right now, even though I would love to add fiction to my reading list.  But with my time so limited, I have to make sure what I am reading is actually beneficial to me and helping me grow as a person.

Emotional- I am drained in this category.  I have been having excellent communication with Kevin and am probably feeling the most successful as a wife as I have this whole deployment.  I have found that waking up, reading my bible and praying in the mornings has enriched my marriage and our  communication.  I find myself looking forward to going home more and more and I think that a huge part of that is being under the 100 day mark.  But on the other hand, we still have a lot left to do in the next 100 days and I am finding myself just exhausted at the thought. To say that I feel burnt out is an understatement.  Things that used to take very little energy now feel exhausting and drain me completely.  No matter how much sleep I get, I still feel tired.  Maybe it is because I still have not had a day off since we got here.  I am not sure.  But I know I have to Soldier on and I will.  To say that I am expecting that I will crash hard when I get home is an understatement.  I hope everyone understand that when I get back, it is going to take some time for me to level out to my new normal and not to take my lack of communication personally. I am expecting to spend a lot of time getting some sleep and decompressing.  I am already thinking of trying to unplug and rebuild my life with Kevin before I focus on fitting anything else into that.

Spiritual-  I am also exhausted spiritually.  I felt very drained after completing my exegesis regarding the doctrine of covenants (see this link for the full version, or my last three posts for the abridged version).  I feel like I have grown so much though.  What was, at times a chore, has become my perfect joy.  Even though I am tired and don't wake up well, I enjoy getting up and reading my bible and praying during the first hour of my day.  And I love ending my day with reading my bible and doing my prayer journal.  In the last 30 days or so, I have grown a ton as an individual and in my dedication to the Lord.  I am not a different person, but I am in so many ways.  I have grown so much in my knowledge of who God is and my excitement to get to know him more is a lot.  Before I get back to the U.S., I will have read the whole bible.  When I get back, I plan on starting over but with a focus.  I plan on doing a study on love.  I plan on going through my bible and highlighting every time I see the word love; one color for when it is between God and man, another for love between people.  I find that the word comes up a lot, but it may be just be because I am reading through the book of Psalms.  Regardless, I am very intrigued.  I still continuing to fast, but I feel that I have already received the answers to my prayers.  I have received some yes, some no and some later.  And I am more than satisfied in that.  However, I am continuing to fast until I reach the forty day mark.  I am doing so in case God still has something He wants to reveal to me, but also because that's the day that feels right.  I can't really explain it, but that's my end date.  So I will be enjoying some wonderfully cooked Afghani chicken next Sunday, the August 4th.  I am very glad for this time of growth, but I am nearing a point of exhaustion that has me ready for this time to be over.  I think everyone can relate in their own way.  Growth is painful at the time, but you can enjoy it when you are also seeing the fruits of the labor.  But as time goes on, the labor starts to feel more burdensome and you are ready for the end to be near.  It is the same I feel towards the deployment.  I am reaching a point where I just need more of God's strength, because I am quickly running out of my own.

Spiritual: Exegesis Regarding the Doctrine of Covenants- Part 3

My First Exegesis Regarding the Doctrine of Covenants: To Include the Covenant of Friendship- Part 3 of 3
By: Candice C. Farney

So what is a covenant friendship? Should we care?

Fifth covenant: Covenant between Friends
The last covenant I know of is one that I have never seen explored. Jonathan was the son of Saul; the first King of Israel.  Saul fell out of favor with the Lord and the Lord called Samuel to seek out David.  Saul became very jealous of David and made several attempts on David's life, with David escaping each time. At least twice, David proved to Saul that he had the opportunity to kill him but chose not because Saul had been anointed by God. During all this time, there is a back story between David and Jonathan. Jonathan is about to lose his kingdom to David and he doesn't care (1 Samuel 18:1-4, 1 Samuel 19:1, 1 Samuel 20:42, 1 Samuel 23:15-18).  Their story starts in 1 Samuel 18:1-4:

"As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.  And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father's house.  Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul.  And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt."

There are two very intense sayings here. The first is that their souls were knit together. The second was that Jonathan loved David as he did his own soul. And out of response to this love, Jonathan made a covenant to David. However, we see indications that this was not necessarily reciprocated by David. David did not reciprocate Jonathan's actions and might not have initially shared in Jonathan's love. So this initial covenant may have just been made by Jonathan to David and not both ways.  After David ran away from Saul, Jonathan volunteered his services to David. He told David that he would find out his father's plot against David and make it known to him. After Jonathan discovered that Saul intended to kill David and that David had done nothing wrong, Jonathan went to David. In 1 Samuel 20:41-42, we see their exchange;

"… David rose from beside the stone heap and fell on his face to the ground and bowed three times. And they kissed one another and wept with one another, David weeping the most. Then Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, because we have sworn both of us in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord shall be between me and you, and between my offspring and your offspring, forever.’” And he rose and departed, and Jonathan went into the city."

There is no doubt that David reciprocated Jonathan’s love. Heck, he even wept the most. Plus, Jonathan affirms that they both were sworn to each other. This would seem to indicate that they made the covenant to each other, at least this time, if not before. There covenant was then reaffirmed in 1 Samuel 23:15-18,

"David saw that Saul had come out to seek his life. David was in the wilderness of Ziph at Horesh.  And Jonathan, Saul's son, rose and went to David at Horesh, and strengthened his hand in God.  And he said to him, “Do not fear, for the hand of Saul my father shall not find you. You shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next to you. Saul my father also knows this.”  And the two of them made a covenant before the Lord. David remained at Horesh, and Jonathan went home."

This may have been a reaffirming of their first covenant, or superseding it as they grew in love. We see here that not only are they dedicated to the protection of each other (demonstrated by the gesture of giving the other their weapon) and the livelihood of each other (demonstrated by the giving of the shirt off one’s back) but also the eternal dedication of even their offspring to each other. This is a very deep and intense love. After Jonathan dies in battle, in 2 Samuel 1 we see David fasting and weeping. He even says that Jonathan's love exceeds the love of women. Then in 2 Samuel 9 we see David giving Jonathan's son the same honor at his table that he gives to his own sons, despite the fact that Jonathan's son was a cripple. He restored his father's land and even gave him laborers to work the land for him. David loved Jonathan's son out of the abundance of love he had for Jonathan.   They expressed this love for each other through covenant and both were blessed by it.

What should a covenant friendship look like or mean?
The next question I had was what would a covenant friendship look like? What do I know about other covenants that could give me insight into this type? From here on out, these are mostly my extrapolations and thoughts on the matter. Consider it advice and let it weigh with that limited authority in your life. A covenant friendship is a commitment to love the other person more than you love yourself. Whatever you have that they need is available to them to include your time, money and resources. I am available to my husband all the time, for whatever he needs. Just as I try to be available to God at all times. I don't do this perfectly but I try to do better every day. This is the same way that we need to love anyone that we are in covenant with. This love is not conditional upon how we feel or our selfish desires. It is about being as unselfish as we can.

A covenant friendship is also a commitment to pray. You can love people best by lifting them up before the Lord in prayer and supplication. I pray intentionally at least twice a day for my husband, our marriage and also my relationship with God. It would then follow that if you covenant yourself with another you should commit yourself to pray for them at least daily. A covenant friendship is also a commitment to their family. You love their children with the same love and care that you show your own. This is how David did it, and as he was a man after God's own heart, this is our best example. Thus, you must be just as available to their family as you are to your own. A covenant friendship will have repentance, forgiveness and reconciliation. I am argumentative in nature. I enjoy a good argument. But many times I have to remind myself that I love my husband more than I love being right. In any moment of discord, I will stand back and evaluate every way that I can think that I have been unloving. It doesn't matter if my point was a good one or if I was right. I love the person more than the win. We have to be able to approach our covenanted friend with humility and be the first to ask forgiveness. It opens doors and creates more vulnerability and more room for love. A covenant friendship will probably contain a lot of the other parts of covenant that marriages typically take on such as: accountability, honesty, openness, sensitivity and confidentiality. Honestly, I think you have a lot of freedom to choose what the premises for this type of covenant should look like because we don't see a lot of structure in it. I would say model it as best you can after David and Jonathan and then add to it as you feel called.

There is one other suggestion that I would like to make. Don't cross gender lines. Again, I revert to all things being permissible, but not all things beneficial. I am not saying you couldn't make a covenant across gender lines outside of marriage, I just think this would probably cause more tension than good. This doesn't seem like the type of thing that is above reproach. When people see it they may not understand. I cannot imagine how I would have felt if I found out my husband was in a covenant with another girl before we got married. I definitely don't know how I would feel if he entered one now. If you feel called towards someone of the opposite sex, consider covenanting your families, after considering it and discussing it with your spouses.   If either spouse is uncomfortable with this then out of respect for that spouse, do not enter the covenant.  I have definitely had my share of moments where I am reminded that the spouse of a friend's opinions and feelings matter just as much, if not more, than your friends. You want to be a blessing to their marriage, not just to one of them individually. Thus, you need to love and respect both of them and their wishes.

In Conclusion

In conclusion, I do not think that the final three covenants discussed are required.  Actually, technically none of the covenants are required.  If they were, then you wouldn’t have a choice in the matter.  Salvation, however, hinges on our accepting the new covenant.  And through our faith and acceptance of it, God is glorified.  The marriage covenant is not required and even somewhat discouraged by Paul (1 Corinthians 7).  However, it can bring God much glory by way of putting on display Christ’s relationship with the church and showing the world the kind of sacrificial love that our Savior showed us.  Making a covenant with yourself not to sin is not required either.  We see only one example in the bible of someone doing this, and that is Job.  And after he proved his faithfulness and dedication to God, the Lord restored him to twice what he had before.  Covenants between nations are few and far between and are also not required.  But we do know that not keeping this type of covenant is going to result in God turning His face away from us on this earth.  And covenant friendship is not commanded by God.  But we do see Him blessing it.  Both Jonathan and David were blessed by each other and by God through the covenant they joined.  A covenant is really a commitment before God to keep His commands very intentionally towards another person, knowing that God will hold us accountable.  Covenants bring Him glory. Again, if they were mandatory, this would not be so.  God gives us the freedom to respond to His call to love by entering a covenant.   I encourage you to consider enter into any of these covenants, if you feel so called.  It is yet another chance to be obedient to God by loving others and bringing Him more glory.  Covenants are a means to love deeper and more intentionally by abiding in a closer commitment with the Lord.


To you Lord, be all glory, honor and praise.



For the full version, visit this link.


Here are some references that I read and that through. Feel free to do the same. http://www.padfield.com/2004/covenants.html http://www.cephasministry.com/water/bible_believers_god_made_three_covenants.html http://www.gotquestions.org/bible-covenants.html
http://www.messianicassociation.org/ezine17-af.covenants.htm
http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Books,%20Tracts%20&%20Preaching/Printed%20Books/Dr%20Jack%20Hyles/Blue%20Denim%20and%20Lace/blue_denim_and_lace-chap_5.htm http://faithencounter.org/covenant.htm http://gracethrufaith.com/selah/eternal-security/the-covenant-relationship/

Spiritual: Exegesis Regarding the Doctrine of Covenants- Part 2

My First Exegesis Regarding the Doctrine of Covenants: To Include the Covenant of Friendship- Part 2 of 3
By: Candice C. Farney

What covenants are we most familiar with? What is revealed about these covenants?

First Covenant: God and man
When you Google "covenant" this is probably what is going to come up first. I say that because this was what came up first for me. There are many Christian and Jewish scholars that discuss the different covenants that God creates with men. Many theologians smarter than I have covered the topic and I would highly suggest you study some of those texts if you are interested. However, just because other's cover it, doesn't mean I won't. And honestly, there are a couple of points that I disagree with. Typically, commentators identify these are the major covenants between God and man: Edenic (Hosea 6:7), Adamic (Genesis 2-3), Noahic (Genesis 9), Abrahamic (Genesis 15), Aaronic (aka Priestly covenant from Numbers 25), Mosaic (Exodus 24), Davidic (2 Samuel 7) and the new covenant (Jeremiah 31:31-39 and Ephesians 1:11-14). This is not an exhaustive list.  But these are the most commonly identified covenants (though not all of them are called covenants specifically in the bible).  The only one I will cover in depth here is the covenant that each of us may enter into: the new covenant.

The new covenant- The new covenant first appears in the Old Testament when God reveals it as a promise to the Prophet Jeremiah (Jeremiah 31:31-39).  God tells Jeremiah that even though Israel turned from her husband, the Lord and breaks her portion of the covenant. As an aside, this metaphor is an interesting one and later is revealed in Ephesians 5 that Christ is the head of the church as a husband is the head of his wife. Keep this in mind as I will come back to it. However, God has remained faithful and continues to fulfill his end. Under the new covenant, the law will dwell within God's people and it will be written on their hearts. This seems to allude to the promised indwelling of the Holy Spirit. Even if it doesn't, remember that Christ said that the law is based on love. So when God says the law will dwell within us, He is literally saying that we will be indwelt with love for God and love for others. It is under this new covenant that Christians live. God describes a covenant that reaches to the ends of the earth and expands for the rest of time. But in the New Testament, we learn that there is one ‘way out’ of this covenant. There is one thing that cannot be forgiven and will break any covenant that one has with God. It is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit (Matthew 12:22-32 and Mark 12:22-30). These instances are specifically mentioned twice in the bible and both times are said from the mouth of Christ. I will not get into specifics on the subject because blasphemy against the Holy Spirit really deserves volumes with all the theories and implications in these verses. The important thing to know is that, because the result is losing salvation, it must break the covenant that should result in salvation.  For the purposes of the doctrines of covenant, it is just important to know that God does provide a way that this covenant can be broken. But we still see the purpose of entering the new covenant is to the praise of His glory in Ephesians 1:11-14.

Second Covenant: Husband and Wife
The second most talked about or referenced biblical covenant is the one of husband and wife. This covenant starts in the Garden of Eden itself. Genesis 2 provides our first definition of marriage, a man and woman that leave their families in order to create their own. We know that God intends this to be a covenant because He calls it that in Malachi 2:14. The covenant of marriage literally is the joining of two people into one person. Jesus says in Matthew 19:6 "So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together let not man separate.” We see many conditions of the covenant of marriage given in the bible. Entering this covenant requires one man, one woman and God. It requires leaving the original family unit and making a new one together. It is not called to separate.

But, just like the new covenant, there is a ‘way out’ provided. Technically, there is one provided in the Old Testament and one provided in the New Testament. The first way to break the covenant of marriage is covered in Deuteronomy 24:1-4, Matthew 5:32 and Mark 10:4  saying that if one spouse commits adultery on the other it gives the non-adulterous spouse the right to offer a certificate of divorce and break the covenant. Now, to put it bluntly, God doesn't want to see divorce in any circumstance ("let not man separate!"). But God being a loving God understood that adultery is so painful to the faithful spouse that there heart would be hardened (Mark 10:5).  So God allows them a way out without the guilt being on their head. For my husband and I, we decided when we got married to supersede this covenant. We acknowledged that God doesn't want us to divorce in the worst of circumstances. That He can be brought glory even through adultery. So we decided that we will not divorce in the case of adultery. When we made our covenant, we said that the only case in which we would divorce is if one of us had a repeated sexual relationship with another person that we are not willing to give up. It doesn't matter if it is caught nor confessed. So long as the adulterous spouse is willing to give up the relationship and stay in the marriage, then we both will. We will live in love and forgiveness and we will stick around and figure it out to bring God glory. Because God is a God of healing and reconciliation, we trust that He would heal our marriage. Not that either of us has any worry about the other cheating. Because we know that our line for divorce is so far back, I can honestly say that we have more freedom in our marriage than pretty much any other we know. My husband and I can confess our every sin to the other and know that the other won't leave. Even more so, each of us is willing to have the other confess their sins to us and love each other and help each other through it. I have almost as much freedom in my covenant with my husband as I do in my covenant with Christ, which is fitting because the covenant of marriage is supposed to reflect the covenant Christ made with the church (Ephesians 5). It is the kind of love that casts out all fears and doubts (1 John 4:18).

Now, on the topic of divorce (or breaking the covenant of marriage), the Apostle Paul gives one other acceptable circumstance for divorce.  Paul says that if a believer is married to an unbeliever and the unbeliever leaves, then the believer is released from the covenant (1 Corinthians 7:12-16). Paul comes to this conclusion saying that an unbelieving spouse is made holy by their oneness with the believing spouse. Now, this is not saying that the unbelieving spouse is saved and Paul makes that clear in verse sixteen. The non-believing spouse is just entering a marriage and cannot be bound by the covenant because they cannot make one before a God in whom they do not believe. This is why Paul starts by saying the believer cannot leave. Is it going to be frustrating covenanting yourself to a person that has not covenanted themselves to you? Yes. Is it going to cause friction? Most likely. Does that give you license to leave? No. Why? Because you make them holy (1 Corinthians 7:14). This does not mean you tell your unbelieving spouse to leave you so that you can be free of your covenant. It just means that if they want to break their vow, then it will release you from the covenant.

On this note, there is one excuse that believers like to make to justify their divorce from a non-believing spouse. That God didn't want them to enter that marriage in the first place. This is the first of two times I will say this, covenant beats command. The reason Paul tells you that you cannot leave is because you entered a covenant that God didn't want you to enter in the first place. But let me back up. Multiple places in the bible give the same command; believers are called to marry other believers, not unbelievers. The bible talks about this in many terms; including being equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14-18, Deuteronomy 7:3; Joshua 23:12; Ezra 9:2; Nehemiah 13:25; 1 Corinthians 7:39). The idea comes from farm work where you would yoke two oxen (or other large animals that would pull your plow) together and put them to the plow. You would want two of equal size and strength so that they both pull equally and at the same speed. If one was significantly weaker, it would pretty much be dragged by the stronger and could damage both animals in the end. In life, you want your partner to plow at the same speed as yourself. You don't want to be the strong one dragging the weaker one along until they quit and you don't want to be the weak one holding someone back; especially in their faith. It's about going in the same direction, at the same speed, neither pulling the other.  Instead walking along side each other, and sharing the weight of the load. So how does covenant beat this command? We have already been told that failing to obey God's command and marrying a non-believer does not give the believer the right to leave. The covenant you enter, even against God's command, you must honor because that still gives God more glory. This does not mean that God is required to bless you in your disobedience. It just means He gets more glory by your fulfilling your promise to Him and others in spite of your disobedience to His command.

Third Covenant: Covenant with the Oneself
The third covenant from the bible most commonly talked about comes from Job. The book of Job talks about Job’s faithfulness to God in a very hard to endure circumstance.  He was a man who had lost everything, but was still worshipping God. When a friend asked him what sin he had committed that would make God punish him, he answered that he hadn’t sinned at all.  And in explaining part of his righteousness in Job 31:1, Job tells us he made a covenant with his eyes to not look at any woman lustfully. This is a covenant of purity. This reveals knowledge that isn't again revealed until Jesus brings it up in Matthew 5:28, when He says that even looking at a woman lustfully means you have committed adultery. Job is merely trying to indicate that he knows he is blameless before the Lord but his covenant to himself for purity is an inspiration to many.  His example reveals that you can covenant with yourself before the Lord to not sin. This would be another way to love God and bring Him glory, by following His commands.  The problem is that most people don't have the intestinal fortitude to make this kind of intense commitment even if it is to free themselves from a sin they cannot escape. If you are taking your sin seriously and are truly ready to give it up, make a covenant with yourself before God to never do it again. Choose loving God and others over loving yourself and your sin.  This type of covenant may not be necessary for all types of sin, but it may be for you if there is a specific sin that you have been tempted by for years.  However, do not enter this covenant rashly.  You need to be very honest with yourself and if you are really ready to give up your sin and never turn back to it.  Because, again, if you make a covenant and you break it, it will not go well with you.

Fourth Covenant: Covenant between peoples/ tribes
The fourth covenant covers covenants between people groups or tribes. These types of covenants can be found in the Old Testament but there is one that stands out to me the most. It is found in Joshua 9. Joshua was leading Israel to the lands God promises after Moses died and Joshua was tricked into entering a covenant with the Gibeonites, a people God commanded them to destroy. After realizing this, Joshua made them forced laborers for Israel, but honored his covenant. Again, covenant overrides command. If it did not, we would have seen God rebuke the Israelites for allowing the Gibeonites to live, as He did whenever the Israelites did not fully fulfill His commands to destroy other tribes.  As a matter of fact, 2 Samuel 21 we see that years after Joshua died we learn that King Saul killed some of the Gibeonites. Though we do not know why, we do know that God punished Israel with a famine that lasted at least three years and passed the point of Saul's death. The reason I chose to focus on this covenant is that not only does it show covenant beating commandment, it shows how covenant transcends time. The original maker of the covenant was long since dead and the violator of the covenant had also died, but God still held the nation of Israel accountable through famine. And we already know that famine is one of the ways God says He will punish those that break a covenant. Even though God never wanted them to enter this covenant, He still expected them to honor it.

But how do we enter this type of covenant when we no longer have tribes and we are not diplomats that can tie our country's fate to another?  My thoughts on the best fulfilling of this type of covenant would be to create covenants between churches. As long as that church believes in the fundamental principles of the Gospel, then the small differences don't matter for the sake of covenant. By covenanting churches together, we not only learn to love each other better, but we can expand our reach to God's glory! Consider this: a church in the heart of a big city and a big church in the heart of a suburb. The church in the suburb probably has a lot more money (and is likely wasting some of it on the finer things it does not need) and the church in the city has a big mission. By partnering these churches, you can extend the reach of both.  You partner in saying neither church will let the other die but both churches will receive what they need to preach the Gospel. The big church might seem like it is helping the small church more, but really, both would be a blessing to each other. In seeing the Gospel spread and the word alive, the suburban church will grow and be blessed. They actually receive more by being a part of a Gospel that grows. Churches should be looking for new methods to expand their Gospel reach and I think partnering with other churches would be a perfect way to do that. Aside from giving monetary support, each of the churches should find ways to serve the other instead of their own and partner together in love.


For the full version, visit this link.

Spiritual: Exegesis Regarding the Doctrine of Covenants- Part 1

My First Exegesis Regarding the Doctrine of Covenants: To Include the Covenant of Friendship- Part 1 of 3
By: Candice C. Farney

The Back Story:

So recently in my readings of the Old Testament, I came across a passage I am sure I had read before but that struck me in a new way. The other day, I was reading 1 Samuel and the story of David and Saul when I picked up on something that before, I must have just read over. It was regarding the relationship between Jonathan and David. Specifically, I was reading 1 Samuel 18:1-4, 1 Samuel 19:1, and 1 Samuel 20:42. These passages talk about Jonathan loving David as himself and the two making a covenant between each other. Now, I have read of many covenants in the bible, two greater known (between God and man and between a husband and wife) and two lesser known or focused on (covenants between tribes/ people and covenants with ourselves) but I had never seen this kind of covenant between two people outside of marriage.

Please note: these are just my thoughts and extrapolations.  I include as many scripture references as I can think of to explain my thoughts.  Anything that comes from scripture is authoritative; my recommendations are not.  I encourage you to consider all of these things and weigh them against what you know.  If something makes sense to you, then use it.  If it doesn’t or you disagree, don’t heed it.  Again, these are just my interpretations and should be considered as such.

What is covenant and why does it matter?
First, we must understand the definition of covenant. Covenant derives originally from the word "to cut." We know that people use to cut a calf in two and walk between the parts (see Genesis 15:7-17 and Jeremiah 34:17-19) Covenant is created and recorded by God. To put it mildly, it is a promise to God that you are bound to keep for all of time. It is defined by God because it is created and held by God. The gist is that it is a promise to love another more than ourselves; to be willing to lay down your life emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, financially, etc. for another person or group of people. It is a willingness to completely put another's life ahead of yours. We are called to this regardless. It is commanded by Jesus to "And he said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.  On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.'" (Matthew 22:34-40) Jesus did this by dying on the cross for the sins of all mankind regardless of the world loving Him. We are called to love with this same kind of sacrificial love. Some may disagree that covenant is about this kind of sacrificial love.  However, all I can say is that if Jesus says all of the laws of the Old Testament are dependent upon these two commandments then the laws regarding covenant must depend on this love as well.

So you may ask what makes a covenant different than just loving others. Covenant is an eternally bound oath before the Lord, and that is quite a commitment. There isn't a way out of it unless predetermined by God in the bible.  You cannot go back on a covenant but you can supersede it by taking the bounds a step further.

Aside from covenants, there are also oaths and vows. Covenants, once entered into, have no contingencies. There is never a point you are released from it. They are binding and they transcend time because God transcends time. Unless there is a prescribed way, given by God, that releases you from that covenant, it will continue. Vows and oaths are, for all intents and purposes, the same thing. If there is a difference, it seems miniscule at best. Vows and oaths are promises made to the Lord but are contingent upon the fulfillment of something; usually either an event or time. In the bible, we see people vowing to the Lord that if He would give them something then they will return it to Him in the form of an offering. We see vows of curses for those that break a fast. We see a man vow up to half his kingdom to a dancing girl that leads to the death of John the Baptist. And we see Jewish leaders vowing not to eat until they kill Paul, which, unless they broke their vow, means they died of starvation (Judges 11:30-3, 1 Samuel 14:24 Mark 6:23, Acts 23:12). There is also a biblical example of a vow that is for a period of time. It is the Nazirite vow where you cannot shave your head, be near a dead body (even if it is a close member of your family), nor drink any fermented drink nor eat grapes. This was usually done for a specific and measurable period of time (Numbers 6:1-21).

Up until this point it may seem like covenants, vows and oaths are all the same thing.  The reason that I argue that these things are different is in the way God describes the consequences for breaking any one of these. This shows a different level of importance between these that makes for a very wide chasm. When it comes to vows and oaths, God wants us to fulfill the vow in haste or the consequence is that you are guilty of sin (Deuteronomy 23:21, Ecclesiastes 5:4, Numbers 30:1-3). Now under Jewish laws, being guilty of sin would likely result in a period of uncleanliness, being unable to participate in certain religious ceremonies and definitely a sin offering. There is no impression given that this reaches a level of severity that it will separate you from God beyond the usual realm of every other sin.

When observing the examples of covenant breaking in the bible, one will find a vengeful God. He does not take it lightly. For instance, there will be panic, diseases that destroy the body and pain the heart and eyes, famine (which probably means there will be death in the land), God will set His face against you (literally being on God's bad side), your enemies will overtake you and overpower you, you will experience God's discipline and you will toil in pain with no fruit born (Leviticus 26:14-36). Elsewhere, we see the additions of God's anger being kindled again the covenant breaker, being forsaken by God; you will be devoured by many evils and troubles that will definitely come (Deuteronomy 31:16-18). To put it lightly, there are many grave consequences. This seems extreme compared to those considered guilty of sin. We know that the penalty for sin is death (Romans 6:23).  Everyone lives in that penalty since Genesis 3 and everyone’s earthly body will eventually perish and become dust.  The difference that we are talking about is the quality of life.  The punishments for breaking covenant are more severe for this life.  Instead of separation from God in eternity, you will experience separation from God here on earth.  Life is not going to go well for you, because the Lord will not be with you.   

On top of that, even when you break the covenant, you are still bound to it unless there is a circumstance where God releases you from it. Just like when Israel turns her back on the Lord time and time again in the Old Testament, the covenant is never dissolved. Basically, there are times when they are living under the terms of the covenant and there are times when they are not. When they aren't, God deals with them accordingly. When they are, God blesses them abundantly. It is not once broken, always broken. And at the same time you cannot break it, even for a time, without punishment.

How does covenant reveal God's glory? Why would I consider entering a covenant?
After understanding how God views covenant, it is hard to understand why one would enter one if they could avoid it. Now obviously, we want to accept God's covenant with us and we also are willing to enter marriage as we are called (go forth, be fruitful and multiply right?!) but after that, most people seem to ignore other covenants. We abide in these two covenants, reap their blessings and say that's enough. But if we want to love God as we are called, we must keep His commandments. 1 John 5:3 says "For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome." And we know that God's love is glorious (Psalm 115:1). When we dwell in this love, we experience a piece of God's glory (1 Peter 1:8-9). Thus, it follows that the more we obey these two commandments by loving both God and man, the more we experience and share God's glory.

Now, God loves us through covenant.   And then He calls us to love each other as He has loved us (Ephesians 5:2).  Thus, it follows that one way for us to show our love is through covenant.  Experiencing God's love is experiencing His glory. Sharing God's love with others is sharing God's glory. And the more we share less of ourselves and more of God, the more He is glorified. We know the promise of John 3:16. That God so loved the world that He gave His only son, so that we will have eternal life (yes, I paraphrased). So we rest in this assurance. But the assurance of our salvation stems from God's love, expressed through the new covenant through Christ, to God’s glory. As Christians, we know what we have been saved from, and we know why. It is very simple. God loved us. God loves us so much that He wants us to share in His glory for the rest of eternity!

Covenant is a step of faith. It is answering God's commandment to love in such a way that we are willing to be called into greater accountability. Accountability is the difference. Entering into a covenant with others tells God that we are taking His commandments very seriously. We step out in faith to grow in our knowledge and understanding of love. We put ourselves in the same situation God has put Himself in with us. We are promising to God that regardless of how the other person responds or acts, we are going to love them. It expands our ability to love as we better understand how God has loved us and thus, we experience even more of His glory. As we commit to loving others more than ourselves, we find ourselves shedding the selfishness of the world and taking on a more holy calling. Covenant is not the only way to love people as God commanded but it is a way to love them with a higher calling and greater accountability to the glory of God.   Christ didn’t need the new covenant to die on a cross for us; it is out of His love for us that He offers us this covenant for our benefit.  The covenant, like all covenants, is merely a means to love deeper and closer.  It is love with a commitment. 


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Wife: Reflection on Our Wedding Vows

Us in our natural state

Since it is my anniversary, it naturally makes me reflect on the last three years.  Kevin and I have been through a lot! And I do mean a lot!  But I think what amazes me most is that our covenant is everlasting and I live in that every day.  I can honestly say that the understanding of God that marriage gives me most is what eternity looks like and what eternity means.  It is something as normal and commonplace as dinner together and it is as vast as loving someone you are nowhere near.  It is both the everyday, existing with in time, and the eternal, existing outside of it. 

Kevin and I have not been together for an anniversary yet.  Maybe our fourth year will be the charm.  But of course, it leaves me reflecting on the time that we have shared.  He has been with me through sickness (and a LOT of it) and through health.  He has been with me through school, through training, through my first two years in the Army, through an NTC rotation, through my first deployment, my first promotion, through his father's death, through him starting a new job, us moving across the country to Colorado, through raising two little puppies and so much more.  And yet, all of these things are so simple, so natural, and just a part of life. It doesn't surprise me that we have been together through them. It doesn't surprise me that we come out on the other side stronger than we were before we tackle each obstacle.

Marriage is the thing that feels common. It feels ordinary. It is the everyday. But it is also from the divine. It gives me the most security and peace I have ever felt outside the cross. It is the most assurance I have known outside of salvation. It is part of my identity and yet does not define me. It is both my cross and my blessing. It is the place that causes me the most joy and (on rare occasion) the most pain.

Kevin is still the most amazing man I have ever met.  He is the first person outside of my family to show me what sacrificial love looks like.  He has always been willing and happy to let me have my way over him pushing his.  He is someone who I can have any conversation with.  He is very intelligent and very down to earth.  He is my spiritual leader, my counselor, my disciplor, my mentor, my teacher, my editor, my provider, my protector, my comforter, my lover, my friend and I am so overjoyed to know that all of this comes together in two amazing words: my husband. With him, I am my most vulnerable and my most free.  I have the utmost respect for him.  And the most astounding thing to me is that he chose me as his wife.

And on this day three years ago, my husband and I stood in front of our family and friends to enter a covenant before God.  It was on that day where we said these vows.

My husband:
I vow to you these things which I can only fulfill by the grace of God.
As Christ loves the church so I vow to give myself daily for your sake.
As Christ serves the church so I vow to serve you with humility, patience, and love.
As Christ provides for the church so I vow to provide for your needs.
As Christ makes the church more like himself so I vow to point you to Him in all things.
As Christ leads His church so I vow to lead you as I follow Christ.
And just as Christ has promised never to leave or forsake His church so I vow to never depart from or abandon you, for richer or forpoorer, in sickness and in health. For better or for worse Until death do us part

Me:
I vow to you these things which I can only fulfill by the grace of God.
As the church is to respect Christ unconditionally so I vow to respect you also.
As the church is to love Christ above all others so I vow to delight in you alone.
As the church is to submit to Christ so I vow to submit to you.
As the church is to represent Christ in all that she does so I vow to represent you with dignity and honor.
As the church is to serve Christ so I vow to serve you with humility and patience.
And just as the church will forever remain the bride of Christ so I vow to never depart from or abandon you, for richer or for poorer In sickness and in health. For better or for worse Until death do us part

Afghanistan: Number 17

Ok, so I am a day late, but at least I am not a dollar short.  Here is my 17th blog post from Afghanistan for my 20th week.  Life has been pretty good and also pretty bland here in Afghanistan.  So I will just jump right in in my usual style.

Mental:  I have really been doing a ton for Lean Six Sigma and I had better get my butt on it in the next week or I am going to find myself in some trouble.  I am already behind from starting over and I can't honestly say I have made much effort to do any better.  But I have been challenging my brain in other ways through book reading and studying.  But I will touch on that under the spiritual paragraph, so I won't touch on it now.

Financial: I finally bought another stock.  It has a high EPS of about 8.26 and their next earnings report comes out Thursday.    I bought it the other day and currently haven't made anything on it, but long term, it seems like this stock is just continuing to climb.  I actually owned it a couple of months ago and it has gained a lot since then.  I kind of wish I had held onto it, but cest la vie.  I am going to watch it carefully for the next few days to see what it does.  I am expecting this to be a short to mid-term stock.  I have been looking at several others too, but I want to be at a safer point with this one first.  Within the first few days of buying a stock, even if you sell it, the money isn't available right away.  So in another day or so, I will probably make my next purchase.

Physical: It has been a good workout week for me.  I only missed one workout day, which was more because I had miscalculated the time accidentally and woke up too late.  And as I have been working out more, I have found that my appetite has been decreasing (which generally happens to me when I am getting into a consistent schedule).  Unfortunately, because I haven't been as hungry, I also haven't been getting my green drinks in.  So I need to make sure I am keeping up good habits there.  I also need to learn to balance my running speed.  Since I have started incorporating sprints and going faster for shorter periods of time, I am starting out too fast on some of my longer runs and am burning out too quickly.  Which is an issue because I am still planning on running the army ten-miler in October.  I want to run that at an 8:30-9:00 mile but I keep taking off at a 7:30 pace and burning out.  I need to get used to both distances and train my body to do it.  And what I really need is to be able to run at night.  I always end up sucking wind in the mornings because it just keeps getting hotter the longer I go.  Or I need to get up earlier... which I am not good at. 

Emotional: This week has been a good one.  I am connecting really well with my husband and we seem to be at the best place we have been this whole deployment.  To be honest though, I think we have just in the process of constant improvement in our relationship since I got here.  I still question as to whether or not I am a good wife and if I really can be when I am so far away, but as I see my marriage prosper, I guess I have to answer that yes.  I think the reality is, God's got this and I don't need to worry about it.  I just need to respect and love my husband and the rest will fall into place.  But that isn't always easy, especially as I am within a week of my anniversary and have to square with the fact that I have never been with my husband on our anniversary.

I also feel at a good place emotionally in my workplace.  I feel like I am connecting with others better and am not as impatient as I first was.  Since we moved to Bagram, it feels like we are all cramped, all the time.  And that really used to bother me at first.  But now we are reaching a point of greater cohesion and I am enjoying the relationships I am building.

My morning journaling

Spiritual:  Well, the biggest update here is that I pretty much finished my first exegesis (a paper on a specific topic or text, usually in reference to a religious document) regarding the doctrine of covenants.  I am not going to go into it here much, but I completed my first draft, had Kevin review it and made some updates.  It is currently 17 pages in length.  I think I am going to find some ways to break it up into smaller chunks and get rid of some of the details to post here on my blog.  Don't worry though, I will make the full length text available to you too.  This has been quite the under taking and has taken me a little over a week to complete.  It involved a lot of reading and research and has been mentally taxing and spiritually draining.  But I also think this is part of the reason why God has called me into a time of fasting and prayer.

I have also been doing really well at keeping up with my reading and praying.  I find that an hour in the mornings is almost too little to read and pray, but that really seems dependent on what I am reading, how much and how much is sticking with me.  I have been enjoying taking notes of everything in the mornings because it helps me to see the fruits of my efforts over time.  I am also still praying for the guy in my unit that I have been praying for pretty much since we got here.  I think I am nearing 150 days straight of praying for him, and plan to continue doing so.  I have also continued to fast and pray for my friends who I love dearly but am not on the terms I would like to see us on.  But such is life and I am good with giving both of these cases over to God and let Him answer them to me in His own way and in His own time.  For now, I will just keep praying.

Afghanistan: Number 16 (50th Blog Post)!

Me and my boss eating in the DFAC

Alright everyone, it's that time of the week again.  Time for another update from Afghanistan.  I am in my twenty-first week here and am also excited that this is my fiftieth blog post!   I can't tell if that's a lot or a little for less than a year of blogging.  I hope I have enough to say to get me to 100 posts, though I have recently realized that I am a very talkative introvert, so I am sure I will have no problems there.

Mental: So, I haven't been doing much on my lean six sigma project.  With our instructor on R&R, I don't think it has really been on anyone's mind much.  I still have to pretty much start from scratch on my project and I have done a little bit of data capturing, but aside from that, not much progress at all.  I have finished a couple of books (Secret Confessions of an Unlikely Convert and The Circle Maker- both of which I loved!) and am onto a new book.  I am now reading a new book called "In a Pit with a Lion On a Snowy Day" by Mark Batterson, who is the same author as The Circle Maker.  It has been very invigorating to read more every day and I enjoy the intellectual stimulation I find generally lacking.

Financial: So still no investing recently.  Hopefully this week I will find a stock I want to buy.  There are more earnings reports coming out at the end of the month so I am thinking I should find something in the next couple of weeks.  Here's hoping!

Physical:  Well, this week has been full of set backs when it comes to work outs.  In Bagram, they have had us wearing our full kit during Ramadan.  That means wearing our individual body armor with plates and our kevlar helmets.  It's heavy and cumbersome.  And the first couple of days we had to wear it whenever we went outside.  This really meant no running and we had to wear our stuff to the gym.  So... my motivation plummeted a bit.  But now we only have to wear it during hours of darkness, so I will be resuming my workouts tomorrow.  On the plus side, I have finally found a concoction that tastes good but looks disgusting.  Its a mixture of orange juice, pineapple juice, water, a scoop of berry green drink, a scoop of lemon lime green drink and a scoop of orange dreamsicle protein powder.  It has about 32 grams of protein and only 4 grams of fat.  I am not really doing it as a meal replacement, just a meal supplement.  Even when I am eating meat, I tend to not get enough protein.  So that is why I started doing this.  Plus, I never get enough fruits and vegetables.  Regardless, this actually tastes good and is filling, so I am going to stick with it.  My intention is to keep up with it even when I get back home to Fort Carson.

Emotional: Another week, another roller coaster.  I know I have written about it much in the last few weeks and months, but I still struggle with the idea of being a good wife while I am in Afghanistan.  As I am less than two weeks out from my wedding anniversary, I cannot help but reminisce on things back home.   This will be my third anniversary and the third one that I have missed because of the Army.  Kevin and I are still close, but there is so much we cannot talk about because a. time does not allow, b. both of our jobs rely heavily on dealing in classified environments or c. because it's just not understandable when you don't know the people involved.  I miss having him to debate theology with, vent to, discuss complex ideas, tackle our future plans and just plain old have married people conversations.  One of my favorite things about Kevin is that he is very intellectually stimulating and I enjoy pretty much every single conversation we have.  As I woke up this morning and went to open my bible, I remembered that back home, when Kevin and I got up, we would go down stairs to our couch, snuggle up together under the blankets and both read our own bibles and then pray together over the day.  At night, he would read a chapter from the old testament to me while we were in bed and then we would pray together and go to sleep.  Even though I am living the basically the same schedule, it is really not the same without Kevin near.  He was probably a lot of my motivation before, because I enjoyed doing these activities with him and I enjoyed his company.  Now I do them alone and it makes me a little sad.  I was explaining to my boss the other day that though I swear a lot out here, I don't with Kevin.  People find it odd, and those that are out here with me seem to think it is unbelievable.  Especially when I tell them I don't have to try not to.  It may seem crazy, but whenever I talk to God (through prayer) or to my husband, I don't have to try not to swear, those words just never come to my mind.  And the reason is that because they both give me such peace that is pacifies my thoughts and makes them less vulgar. Now, I am working on not swearing, but it makes me realize how little I open my marriage up to those I work with.  I do not want them to see the vulnerability I have in my husband's presence.  That somehow, them knowing that I desire to be a submissive and peaceful wife will make them see me as something less.  Being with Kevin extinguishes the needless fires the Army creates.  The Army wants a killer, but being with Kevin makes me more into a pacifist.  And it is nothing he does; he is just soothing to my soul.  It is one of the biggest reasons I married him.  He calms me down, evens me out and makes me a more self-controlled and rational individual.  I have never met another man who has had such a great effect on my life, aside from the one I met hanging on a cross as a ten year old kid in a church basement during vacation bible school.  It is somewhat funny to me when anyone suggests that I would want to be with anyone else.

Another piece to my emotional state has been that I have found out that my request to leave my current unit is being granted.  There are a couple of possibilities for my new unit but it will still be on Fort Carson.  My brigade commander has approved it as well as my battalion commander, so I know it is so.  Without going in to too much detail, the gist of the story is such.  I am not dissatisfied with my current unit, nor my branch.  However, I have only seen one side of my logistical branch and to make any sort of informed decision about whether or not to stay in or get out, I need to see more.  It is not with any certainty at all that I will stay in, and it is still leaning the other way.  But so long as I am considering it, I need to have as many facts as possible. I really enjoy being in the Army.  Everyone I have met, both officers and enlisted, have told me multiple times that if I stay in, I will go far and will be very successful.  So, it is being considered.  Kevin and I still have much to talk about and I still have two years before any decisions need to be made.

Spiritual:  This functional area of my life has caused me much grief and joy over the past week or so.  In terms of just theology, I found in my reading some verses in 1 Samuel 18, 19, 20 and 22 discussing a covenant friendship.  This, to me, was a new type of covenant.  I had never heard of a covenant between friends before and the idea pretty much consumed me.  I spent a lot of time studying it and considering what it might be and what it might look like.  I have many conclusions on the matter and plan on blogging about it topically very soon.

I am have been fasting for over two weeks now and in the last week have changed the way I arrange my spiritual life.  I am now devoting the first hour of my day to the Lord.  I wake up an hour earlier than I need to and spend the first part reading a few chapters from my bible and recording verses that stick out to me. I then make a list of everything and everyone I want to pray for and spend whatever is left of the hour (usually 30-40 minutes) praying over the verses that stuck out, any theological content from my reading that didn't make sense, and my long list of prayer requests.  Along with my fasting, I pray multiple times during the day.  I am still in a place of hoping for healing and reconciliation between myself and two people very dear to my heart.  I am not going to quit fasting nor praying until God grants me an answer on the matter, but I Have given it over to Him.  The reality is, this battle is His, not mine and thus the glory belongs to Him and not to me.  I am not moving from my position because I am waiting on the Lord.  He will move when He is ready.  And I am trying to embrace in my heart a spirit of patience and a movement of my prayer from "as soon as possible" to "as long as it takes."  I have already accepted the Lord's will for my life, whatever that may be.  I am completely at peace with getting an answer of "no." But what I find myself struggling with is the Lord's timing.  I am not a patient person by nature nor trade.  I don't care what the answer is, I just want it now.  Which isn't how God works and He doesn't seem to keen towards my petty demands of timing that is most convenient for me.  I am sure He will continue to break that down in me over time, but for now, I just keep trying to remind myself "as long as it takes."  I am also ending my evenings by reading and then praying.  At night's when I pray, I actually fully writing them out, which I started doing when I first got here.  The funny thing to me though is that my prayers definitely get longer and more full of life when I look at them over time.  My prayer's when I first got here were generic and lifeless. This reflected my prayer life on the whole.  I didn't pray often nor intently.  Now I pray frequently and fervently. It is a habit I hope makes it back to the states with me because I know it has grown me a lot.  God is changing my heart and making me a more loving person.  He has a lot of work ahead of Him, to say the least. As do I.

Afghanistan: Number 15

Alright, so I am officially in my twentieth week in Afghanistan, which means we are definitely more than halfway done.  I feel like that fact should be more exciting to me than it is.  But I find it hard to think of home when I know we still have a lot of time left.  But at least it is on the down slope.  Hopefully it will feel like it is going fast, though I am choosing not to wish time away.  This weekend, my family is actually traveling out to Jackson, WY to see a musical my sister is assisting in directing and my Dad is in.  I know they are all very excited as they are approaching opening night, and I am praying it goes well for them.  I definitely wish I could be home to see this!

Financial: So I will start with the most boring of my updates.  I still am not investing in any new stocks.  I am finding the market to be a little fickle this week and am not interested in any particular stocks.  Again, I hope by the end of the month, something worthwhile catches my eye.  But we shall see.

Mental: So, my Lean Six Sigma projected wasn't really taking off because there was nothing in my process to control.  Or at least, nothing in my process for me to control.  And that is very important for Lean Six Sigma because that is they way we determine if our improvements have been effective and if we actually made our process more efficient.  So, I am back to square one.  I am completely starting over with a new project in mind.  Instead of caring about container movements, I will be looking at how we have created standardization in our Forward Retrograde Elements and how we have minimized shipments around Afghanistan.  This was one of my planning efforts in May, so I have already put a lot of the work in, I just didn't do it through Lean Six Sigma and I need to now.  That means re-gathering old data and look at trends before, during and after improvements.

I am also pursuing other career options outside of my unit.  I have spoken with my commander regarding the matter and I have his support.  Now he will take my request to our brigade commander and we will see what his answer is.  I am curious to see how this will go and how things will land. I have many reasons for seeking a new job, but I do not think it is time to share them yet.  I am sure it will come up within the next few blog posts, but for now, it will continue in discussions with my husband and with my leadership.  But in an attempt to not leaving anyone hanging, nothing bad has happened and I am in no way a disgruntled Soldier asking to leave my unit.

Physical: So, I am still drinking about 1-2 green drinks a day.  It has really helped me feel good and has helped to keep me from snacking.  I also received my protein powder a couple of days ago.  I am not sure how I feel about it yet and need to find some good mixtures for drinking it.  I bought the orange creamsicle flavor and it mostly just tastes like vanilla with the tiniest hint of orange.  Which sucks because I love citrus flavored drinks.  But I have found that one scoop of protein powder, plus one small carton of orange juice, one small carton of pineapple juice and one scoop of lemon lime flavored grass stuff seems to do the trick.  It actually tastes pretty good, but a little too sweet.   I will probably start adding some water to mellow it out and will continue with my crazy concoction brewing.

For my workouts, a couple of days ago I decided that I should incorporate sprints with iron mikes (lunges for you non-military types) to the tune of about 150.  My legs still hurt several days later.  I am planning to start a 5 day a week workout plan next week.  The plan is to do one long run a week (4-8 miles), one 3 mile run a week (for time), one workout dedicated to sprints, lunges, squats, calf raises, etc a week, and then one day of arms (pull ups, chins ups, push ups, tricep curls, chest presses, butterflies) and one day dedicated to abs. This will help me train not only for my PT test and getting a better run score, but it should also help me tackle the Army ten-miler here on Bagram in good time. I think getting into a schedule will help me and make it a little bit harder to skip workouts, because it will actually throw off my plans.  Here's hoping that provides me with some motivation, because I find it hard to motivate myself to work out, especially when I am working out alone.

Emotional: This week has been a roller coaster and I am not sure what else to say.  When I think of my current situation, I cannot help but wonder why relationships must be so complicated.  What is it about the human condition that makes us to prone towards drama and discord? Personally, I normally cut cords and run from these types of scenarios and people.  I am more than willing to be confrontational, but usually, if someone takes issue with me, I just let go an move on.  Honestly, you can ask most anyone from my past about this and they will probably acknowledge that I did it to them.  I am not one to stand and fight for a relationship that I am not sure can be saved, or I am not sure I want to have saved, or I am not sure is worth the effort to save.  This honest portrayal of myself has  lead many to describe me as cold.  I have very rarely fought for reconciliation.  I have very rarely felt the need to fight, to prove my love or my concern at all.

But thinking about that, I started thinking back and trying to remember a time when reconciliation mattered as much to me as it does now (apart from with my family and my husband, of course).  And oddly enough, the memory that came to me was back in first grade.  My best friend, Angel, and I had gotten into a fight.  It was picture day at school and my mom had insisted I wear a dress.  And with that dress came shoes that wouldn't easily stay on my feet and had no traction.  Which wasn't a big deal until it came time for recess.  You see, Angel and I's favorite games at recess generally revolved around chasing boys and "beating them up" (never anything serious, but we would catch them, they would get mad, call us a name, and we would kick them in the shins or do something to that effect, then run away and they would chase us back).  But in my shoes with no traction, I could not play our game that day, and for whatever reason, that meant that we could not be friends either.  But by the end of recess, my other friend, Becky, brought us back together and it was decided that I would be good to run the next day when I got to wear my normal shoes and life resumed as normal.  This fight is still vivid in my my mind, but even more vivid was our make up.  I can remember sitting on the curb with Becky in between us, trying to create peace and solve our problem.

I think back to that day and I cannot help but wonder why it cannot always be that easy.  Perhaps it is my immaturity in relationships, or maybe just life in general, but I am really at a loss for why everything seems so complicated.  Why do we make mountains out of molehills? And what do mountains really look like?  To me, those would always be big issues on a life threatening scale.  I am not even sure deployments look like mountains to me.  It probably did before I left, but after I stepped on that plane, I knew it was a molehill.  So what does a mountain in a relationship look like, especially amongst Christians?  I find that more frequently I see molehills where others see mountains and that tends to make me more dismissive of people's feelings.  I am not generally a very sensitive person and that becomes a mountain to some.  I don't really know what to do with those mountains, other than to pray that God would move them or that the other person would realize they are molehills.  But even if they are mountains, is the point to turn away from them, or to climb them?  Are we supposed to take them on with caution and care, knowing that we will grow and be strengthened, or are the risks much greater than the rewards?  But molehills aren't so small they are to be ignored either.  They can cause stumbling and should be dealt with cautiously.  But how do you deal with them cautiously? Do you avoid playing in an open field because there are a few molehills and you are afraid of falling? Or do you risk it as a chance to grow and learn? How do you make some complicated simple? And how do you show others that it is simple too?  And for me specifically, how can I show that I am willing to play within boundaries and that I am willing to take some risks, but with far more caution and a great deal of tenderness.  How do I show more concern for the feelings of another person over my own?  How can I love others best? And how do I continue to move towards reconciliation when I also feel like I am standing still and do not know how best to move?

Spiritual: Well, to put it lightly, God has answered me, but He hasn't answered my prayers. I am still waiting for answers to my specific prayers.  But God has also shown up and showed me that I am exactly where He wants me, doing exactly as He wants me to do.  I am slowly learning to listen as I pray.  I am slowly learning that prayer is not a one way list of demands, it is a conversation.  If all I am doing is talking and then moving on, how will I get any answers? How will I know when to move and when to stop?  And probably one of the biggest answers God has given me came the morning after I agreed to listen and to hear what God would tell me, a senior NCO (non-commissioned officer) in my unit came to me and told me that he was going to fast from meat for the next two weeks with me.  He says he woke up that morning and knew in his heart that that was the right thing to do.  I was moved to the brink of tears.  God called someone else to walk through this with me, and this person had enough faith that it didn't even matter to him that he doesn't know what I am praying for.  All he could say is that whatever it is, I must really want it a lot.  And that was good enough for him.  What faith?! What inspiration?! As I was struggling with God for Him to give me an answer to my prayers, here comes a guy that is willing to say, I don't even need to know what to pray.  I was so uplifted.  I was so relieved.  He and I have shared many meals together since then.  He still doesn't know what I am praying for.  And I am hoping to tell him once God has given me an answer.  He even went with me to the dining facility when our unit was having a fourth of July bbq, so that we could sit and eat rice and vegetables.  I am constantly reminded I am not alone.  But I still find myself desperately wanting the answers to my prayers more than I have wanted companions in my praying.  Maybe once I get my priorities straight I will actually get my answers.  Or maybe then I will just have more peace.  I do not know...