Afghanistan: Number 13

Mountainous views

So, it is a wonderful 3 something in the morning here in Afghanistan and I am awake, so I figure I might as well put this time towards something useful.  So here I am, post 13 week 17.  And, of course, here is my update in my usual format.

Physical:  So, with rocket attacks and everything else going on, PT hasn't been the priority I would like it to be this week. I did get a 6.25 mile in earlier this week, but my time was pretty terrible since I ran during a dust storm and crazy winds.  I have a PT test next week and I am hoping to do well, but I am guessing a 300 is out of the question.  Unfortunately, push ups seem to cause me a lot more pain in the shoulders than they used to and so I am going to have to figure out what's going on there.  I am still planning on doing the Army ten miler, but right now, I am focused on the twenty five meter target (i.e. my PT test).

Lovely Accommodations

Financial:  The only progress I have made in this area has honestly been helping some NCOs to make solid financial goals.  I am still having trouble finding a stock I want to invest in next but am content to wait until I find something I like.

Mental: Surprisingly enough, I have actually made some strides in my Lean Six Sigma project this week.  I have spent more time looking at my process and trying to understand the relationship between my variables.  So, for instance, looking at the relationship between length of travel time between FOBs or mileage between two, I would expected that we would see cost paid to the carrier go up (positive correlation).  I expect to see what they are carrying have little to do with how much they are paid (no correlation).  And perhaps if they are late to their destination that the pay would go down (negative correlation).  But this phase is really just me identifying ten different inputs individually against ten different outputs (thus 100 different relationships I would myself looking at).  Now, the goal is to run that data comprehensively through a program called minitab and see if the outcomes are what I expected them to be.  So hopefully, next week, I will be seeing some rewarded effort from that.

Spacious living quarters

Emotional: This week has been a train wreck.  For those of you that don't know, we had a rocket attack a few nights ago and 3 of the killed Soldiers were from one of the companies in my battalion.  They didn't deploy with us, but the are organic to us back at Fort Carson.  I didn't know any of the Soldiers personally, but I can say there has been a palpable change as people are realizing that just because we are on the FOB and don't travel in convoys doesn't mean we are actually safe.  All it takes is being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

But I cannot sit here and pretend that this is what has me so down. The truth is, within the last day, I find myself losing my closest friend to a circumstance that I cannot control.  The weight of this blow has been crushing and at times, I feel like I cannot bear it's weight.  It makes me physically sick to think what has been lost and burdens my heart terribly.  Without trying to go into any detail, I find myself betrayed by my gender. I think if I had done something, screwed up in some way, that this would be an easier pill to swallow.  But instead, I get to experience a gender discrimination that I have known too well over the course of my life.  But I thought that the days of me wishing I was a male just to make the relationships I love easier would have stopped post my awkward teenage years.  I am past the days of wishing so immaturely for things to be easy, but why must it be so difficult?!

Spiritual:  Well, obviously the last category is going to have an impact here.  I don't know where to begin or what to say, except that forgiveness and healing come from the Lord.  At first, anger swelled because of pain and I cannot pretend that it did not.  But the only thing that beat my hatred was love, so I knew even in irrationality that it wasn't hatred I felt.  It was that moment when anger mixes with deep hurt and sadness and the only name I can give it is hate.  Perhaps it was something more akin to mourning, I don't know.  But at the end of the day, comfort comes from the Lord and peace is made known to those that know Him. My only solace is to cry out to Him and it has already helped me to let go of the anger and move towards peace.  The reality is that the only thing in this life that I deserve is death and hell and it is the only thing I have been promised not to receive.  I can be mad over the things I think I deserve or the sins I perceive to be against me, but I am not justified in my anger.  Bitterness is not something that happens to you, it is something that happens within you when you justify anger and resentment because of very real pain and hurt.  It is the point when you choose to live in the pain over healing because somehow, actually forgiving hurts more.

I find comfort from a verse that I saw so perfectly timed on facebook:
Psalm 34:18&19
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all

Afghanistan: Number 12

So here we are, in week 16.

As you may know, a lot has been happening here in Afghanistan. Mostly, we have moved half of my unit from Kandahar to Bagram.  As the plans officer in my battalion, this movement was mostly collaborated by myself and my boss, the operations officer.  There have been a lot of moving pieces and a lot of effort by many people and my shop has been working to make sure all of those efforts are in line with what the commander wants, tailored to best accomodate the mission and tweaked to fit everyone's preferences.  It has been busy, but we are here and our mission never stopped despite the movement of half the battalion. 

The living conditions here are much different than they are in Kandahar.  Kandahar had lots of space and hot dry weather (talking 115 during this past week).  Bagram is a balmy 90 degrees during the day, humid, cool at night and everyone lives in relatively close proximity to each other. There isn't much for privacy here and you never really are alone.  And with the weather being better, more Soldiers spend their free time outside than they did at Kandahar.  But aside from that, Kandahar looked like a dessert.  Most days, we expereinced some degree of a sand storm and it was hot and dry and brown.  There wasn't any grass and very few trees and green things.  Bagram is practically an oasis by comparison.  We are surrounded by beautiful snow capped mountains and there is grass and tress every where.  Everyone seems more light hearted here and I hope it lasts.

But on to my usual goal updating post:

Mental: My Lean Six Sigma projected is still going strong, but I am not so much.  I find it hard to get motivated right now as I am not entirely sure of my next steps.  I have measured all that I wanted to measure and need to have it run through minitab (program lean six sigma people use).  Our master black belt (instructor) did a first pass through my data, but we were in two locations and didn't talk before hand, so it doesn't accurately reflect what I am trying to measure.  But even still, analyzing the data will be much harder.  I know what my data is telling me, I just don't understand why.  For instance, if you are paying a contractor for a service and they fail to provide that service, you would expect that they wouldn't get paid, or they would only get paid for the service they provided.  But, from what I see in my data, they get paid about the same as if they had provided that service.  So I can tell there are things not happening the way I would assume that the would, I have to start explaining why.  And with almost 11,000 lines of data spanning about 50 columns worth of data, it is hard to start looking at individual pieces.  Probably because that sounds exhausting and I am feeling lazy. 

Emotional:  I find it hard to provide a solid update here, but I always feel that way.  I am finding better balance in my life here and am on a much better schedule work wise.  I am not working the crazy hours I was before and I have been trying to take more time to relax.  I feel better rested and at peace.  But on the other hand, I am hitting the slump of just wanting to go home.  I want to sleep in my own bed, with my husband's arms arround me and my puppies at my feet.  I want to eat the food I cook and wear the clothes I choose.  I have found that having more time to myself leads to more thoughts of home and I can tell by talking to Kevin, he is getting pretty burnt out on this whole deployment thing too.  We have been here for four months now with about five left to go.  I am definitely ready to see the half way point in the next couple of weeks and am hoping it goes fast after that.  I am trying very hard to live in the moment and not wish time away and have to remind myself of that pretty much every day.

Spiritual: So, I have been praying and reading my bible daily for over 100 days, almost 120.  I have found that this is the reason behind my joy and peace.  It is so relaxing to just stop and pray over my current situations, my family, my friends and my husband.  It keeps things in perspective to take the time each night to remember who God is, what He is capable of and what He has already done for me.  It is soothing to know that no matter where I go, I am never alone and no matter what I have or don't, I am never in need.  My cup overflowth and I find myself so blessed despite my circumstances.  I am blessed with a new found love for my Savior, a new appreciation for what he has done, a new perspective on my sin and a new joy that is based solely on him.  I am also blessed with good leadership, a hard working unit, and some pretty awesome new friends.

Financial: So, I currently don't own any stocks and haven't been doing any trading in the last couple of weeks.  Now that I am settled, I will probably start up again, but probably not with much vigor until the new iteration of earnings reports comes out.  I am currently sitting at a 20% profit on my intial investment, which is still pretty exciting.  I am wondering how much it will grow as I continue building it over time. 

Physical: Since arriving at Bagam, I have decided to run the Army ten-miler.    Normally, it is a race run every year in D.C., normally around Columbus Day weekend.  Since we clearly can't go to that, Bagram is hosting there own.  Ten miles is too easy and I could probably do that now, but not very fast.  My guess is that I could do it between and 9 and a 9:30 min/ mile pace right now.  My goal is to get that down to 8 min/ mile.  My friend, Jeremiah, is helping me train in the evenings.  We have run a couple of times in the last week.  The first run was 4 miles in 34 minutes (8:30 min/ mile).  Whenever I am not sure where my run time is, I start by running four miles.  Army standard is 4 miles in under 36 minutes for both males and females.  So even though I jumped about 4,500 ft in elevation when I moved to Bagram, I am still meeting the Army standard, so the rest is gravy.  The second night, we ran 3 miles in 24 minutes (8:09 min/ mile).  Other than that, I have been doing more yoga to help stretch out my legs and hips.  We also hit the gym for about 15 min of abs and upper body after each run.  I am expecting to see a lot of improvement and am happy to have a solid goal in front of me.