Army: Afghanistan number 5

Wow, so 5 post later and it almost feels like it is flying.... until I think of how much time I have left until I am back in my own bed next to my husband and surrounded by my puppies safe from the world. Sigh. But, while I am here, I might as well make the best of it and that is what I am doing.

Altogether, things have slowed down nicely for us.  We aren't in the same rush to catch up phase we were when we first got here and now the hours are more manageable. I don't work past 8 nearly so often, so that is a good thing.  So here are my four updates:

Physical: So, not so much Crossfit and much more running.  I run about every other night and never less than 3.5 miles.  I enjoy being able to run at night and I can usually find someone to run with (we aren't allowed to go by ourselves).  But with my recent running came another revelation.  After running 4 miles at an 8 minute mile pace, I realized I can probably max my run (which means getting a perfect score on my Army physical fitness test) again.  I need to run faster than a 15:36 in two miles, which I am really close.  So I am focusing on that since I haven't been able to do it since moving to Colorado.  Plus, I am not a huge fan of the Crossfit hours.  I like working out at the end of the day here and the last class I can go to starts at 1900 (7:00).  I am not normally off by then, so to go to that class, I would need to go and then go back to work.  I am hoping to do that eventually, but not right now. For now, running is my goal.

Mental: So the lean six sigma projects are kicking off this week.  I am still signed up to get my black belt but my project is still up in the air.  Right now, it looks like I might be dealing with contractors and the like (making sure the contracts we have fit our requirements and so on), but it is not definitive so we shall see.  Not much development in the real estate classes though.  I figure I have plenty of time to knock them out after I spend the next six months doing my lean six sigma classes that are worth about $10,000 and I am getting for free.  I am also challenging myself in learning about trading stocks and such.  I feel like I am learning a lot and am excited to get our tax refund so I can try my hand at the game.

Emotional: I have spent more time trying to be a good and supportive wife this week.  I have been spending more time connecting with Kevin and we are even reading through the bible together.  Honestly, this almost makes me more sad.  I miss him very much and though most of the day I am distracted from thinking about sad things, sometimes when I am talking to Kevin and realizing how badly I want to be back at home cooking dinner or getting ready for bed with him and the puppies, it makes me really sad.  And I know it makes him sad too.  I am not sure that will ever get any easier.

Spiritual: Another great week or praying and reading the bible.  I feel like I am connecting with God in new ways, but at the same time, I am not feeling challenged at all here in growth.  I go to church Sunday mornings but the services are usually about 15 minutes of a different chaplain each week doing their own thing and not going deep or connecting the text to real life decisions we need to make here.  Bible study is not a discussion, it's basically a better version of the church service since our battalion's chaplain really knows his stuff.  But some of the people that attend probably aren't Christians, with many of them even joking about not knowing how to figure out where verses are because they have never opened their bibles before.  It is a great chance to help witness to my unit and I think our chaplain is doing great with where the unit is at, but I am also used to feeling very personally and intentionally challenged in my small group back home.  I rarely find someone here with which to discuss controversial theological topics as I come across them or who can answer my questions when I don't understand something.  So I know I need to find some other Christians to connect with and rely on as this deployment goes on... but where to find them?

Deployment: Afghanistan number 4

Me with my combat patch on!

Alright everyone, so it's that time of week again.  Not too much happened this week except we finally did our patch ceremony, indicating we have all been deployed over a month now.  The combat patch is worn on the right arm to indicate that you were deployed before and with which unit.  So walking around daily it is very easy to tell who hasn't deployed before.  And, regardless of what unit you are in (changing what patch you have to wear on the left shoulder), you can always wear your combat patch on the right.  So that was a good experience.

Like usual, I will split this into my four categories.  Fair warning, I am leaving the spiritual one for last intentionally.  You can skip it if you wish or if you think it sounds preachy, but I want to share the way God is changing my heart.

Physical:  I completed all 9 beginner CrossFit classes! Now I can transition to the regular classes.  I have every intention of doing that.... just not yet.  There is a large group of people that have started coming to Crossfit too, so I will keep going to the beginner class to be with my battle buddies and will move to the regular classes with them.  I have also added running to my workout regimen.  I ran 5 miles on Thursday and 6 miles on Saturday.  Neither were very fast, but glad to know that I can still just go out and run distance, no problem.  I have every intention of continuing to run.  I am hoping to get to a point of running 2-3 times a week, CrossFit 2 times a week, and one gym/ ab workout a week,  I also need to add yoga back into my workouts and quit being lazy all of the time.

Mental: So, not much to update on this one yet.  I have completed another online lesson in my real estate classes, but I haven't taken the quiz, because I haven't completed all of the reading... which I should really get on.  I also haven't officially begun my lean six sigma class yet, so that's part of the reason I am hesitant to get too far along in my real estate classes.  I also am trying to learn more about trading stocks.  I think that may also be a hobby I take up out here.  I am all about self improvement and learning new things!

Emotional So I am still unsure of what it means to be a good wife while deployed, but I am working on it.  I have tried being more communicative with my husband when we talk.  But I have also decided to send him a quick text message before I go to bed at night saying I hope he has a good day.  It's hard to call people at night because when everyone is using the internet, it starts to go in and out which is really annoying and usually causes more stress than it alleviates.

Spiritual: I have officially made it one full week of reading my bible and praying EVERY night! I feel like this shouldn't be as much of an accomplishment for me as it is, but oh well.  This is where I am in my walk and hopefully I will continue to grow.  Comparing myself to others isn't going to help me at any rate.  But there has been something that God has started to teach me through prayer that I want to share.

Earlier this week, I felt a special pull at my heart to prayer for a fellow officer in my unit.  He is someone I would count as a friend and mentor.  He constantly challenges me to make better products than just what is required and I have learned a lot from him already.  But he is not married and he isn't a Christian.  He actually said he has no faith at all.  So when I felt God calling me to pray for him, I naturally said..... no.  Oh wait, that's probably not the natural response, right? I have been saved by grace through faith and I, knowing what I have been saved from, should want the same for others, right? Well, as I am learning about myself, I find myself generally apathetic towards the salvation of others.  I mean, God predestined us before we were born as to whether or not we would choose hHm, so what good would pray do? But then I thought about what pray is and I remembered that prayer isn't about me changing God's heart, it is about God changing mine.  And I also considered what God was recently teaching me in my marriage.  God can connect us to others through prayer and increase our love for them (similar to how Paul prayed "without ceasing" for churches he had never been to and even said he loved them). But I thought God wanted to only teach me that to love my husband best while in Afghanistan, I should pray for him.  But God wanting to teach me to love others.... not such a terrible idea....

...But God wanting me to express love for a particular individual, HECK NO!  Something about me saying I love him, or that guy or whatever made me almost ill.  I could hardly think it without a shudder.  I not only didn't want to feel that way, I didn't even want to want to feel that way.  I love my husband, my family, my girl friends, my fellow church members, my husbands friends., but when it comes to male type friends that aren't Christian, I have put them in a whole different category.  Unlovable.  And I had easily justified to myself why; I shouldn't love these men because it could easily be misconstrued as a romantic interest and I don't want ANY ONE to get the wrong idea.

But that isn't what Jesus said.  He didn't say that the second greatest commandment has caveats.  He just said to love your neighbor, the same way he would.  Just because the world says that the only love that can occur is a romantic one doesn't mean it's true.  Jesus has taught me a love far greater than any other love that exists in this world apart from Him.  And being one of the few devote believers in my unit, I realized that I have the potential for great influence.  If I fail to love him, or even avoid him because of what others might think (which was my initial thought when I first heard God's call to pray for him; turns out I am a lot like Jonah.  God tells me one thing and I tried to run in the exact opposite direction), then I have given him a warped view of Christ's love and potentially set him back.

As I talked through this with Kevin this week, I realized more and more that it is not about whether or not this guy comes to know the Lord, it's about God challenging me.  Challenging me to love the way I am called to love, with pure grace, pure mercy and pure forgiveness; and to step out in faith, that he will guard my reputation if I trust in him.

That being said, I now pray for this guy every night.  I pray that through our daily interactions that I might be able to share my faith with him in ways that stick with him and cause him to thirst for more.  That he would want to know more and more about the God I love and His Son who saved me.  I pray that eventually he will go to church and bible study with me and that he will come to know the Lord and that I will come to call him a brother in Christ.  I also pray daily that God would guard my heart against all external influences that could get in the way of doing as the Lord has called me.  Hopefully, I can give an update someday that all of this has come true!