Afghanistan: Number 17

Ok, so I am a day late, but at least I am not a dollar short.  Here is my 17th blog post from Afghanistan for my 20th week.  Life has been pretty good and also pretty bland here in Afghanistan.  So I will just jump right in in my usual style.

Mental:  I have really been doing a ton for Lean Six Sigma and I had better get my butt on it in the next week or I am going to find myself in some trouble.  I am already behind from starting over and I can't honestly say I have made much effort to do any better.  But I have been challenging my brain in other ways through book reading and studying.  But I will touch on that under the spiritual paragraph, so I won't touch on it now.

Financial: I finally bought another stock.  It has a high EPS of about 8.26 and their next earnings report comes out Thursday.    I bought it the other day and currently haven't made anything on it, but long term, it seems like this stock is just continuing to climb.  I actually owned it a couple of months ago and it has gained a lot since then.  I kind of wish I had held onto it, but cest la vie.  I am going to watch it carefully for the next few days to see what it does.  I am expecting this to be a short to mid-term stock.  I have been looking at several others too, but I want to be at a safer point with this one first.  Within the first few days of buying a stock, even if you sell it, the money isn't available right away.  So in another day or so, I will probably make my next purchase.

Physical: It has been a good workout week for me.  I only missed one workout day, which was more because I had miscalculated the time accidentally and woke up too late.  And as I have been working out more, I have found that my appetite has been decreasing (which generally happens to me when I am getting into a consistent schedule).  Unfortunately, because I haven't been as hungry, I also haven't been getting my green drinks in.  So I need to make sure I am keeping up good habits there.  I also need to learn to balance my running speed.  Since I have started incorporating sprints and going faster for shorter periods of time, I am starting out too fast on some of my longer runs and am burning out too quickly.  Which is an issue because I am still planning on running the army ten-miler in October.  I want to run that at an 8:30-9:00 mile but I keep taking off at a 7:30 pace and burning out.  I need to get used to both distances and train my body to do it.  And what I really need is to be able to run at night.  I always end up sucking wind in the mornings because it just keeps getting hotter the longer I go.  Or I need to get up earlier... which I am not good at. 

Emotional: This week has been a good one.  I am connecting really well with my husband and we seem to be at the best place we have been this whole deployment.  To be honest though, I think we have just in the process of constant improvement in our relationship since I got here.  I still question as to whether or not I am a good wife and if I really can be when I am so far away, but as I see my marriage prosper, I guess I have to answer that yes.  I think the reality is, God's got this and I don't need to worry about it.  I just need to respect and love my husband and the rest will fall into place.  But that isn't always easy, especially as I am within a week of my anniversary and have to square with the fact that I have never been with my husband on our anniversary.

I also feel at a good place emotionally in my workplace.  I feel like I am connecting with others better and am not as impatient as I first was.  Since we moved to Bagram, it feels like we are all cramped, all the time.  And that really used to bother me at first.  But now we are reaching a point of greater cohesion and I am enjoying the relationships I am building.

My morning journaling

Spiritual:  Well, the biggest update here is that I pretty much finished my first exegesis (a paper on a specific topic or text, usually in reference to a religious document) regarding the doctrine of covenants.  I am not going to go into it here much, but I completed my first draft, had Kevin review it and made some updates.  It is currently 17 pages in length.  I think I am going to find some ways to break it up into smaller chunks and get rid of some of the details to post here on my blog.  Don't worry though, I will make the full length text available to you too.  This has been quite the under taking and has taken me a little over a week to complete.  It involved a lot of reading and research and has been mentally taxing and spiritually draining.  But I also think this is part of the reason why God has called me into a time of fasting and prayer.

I have also been doing really well at keeping up with my reading and praying.  I find that an hour in the mornings is almost too little to read and pray, but that really seems dependent on what I am reading, how much and how much is sticking with me.  I have been enjoying taking notes of everything in the mornings because it helps me to see the fruits of my efforts over time.  I am also still praying for the guy in my unit that I have been praying for pretty much since we got here.  I think I am nearing 150 days straight of praying for him, and plan to continue doing so.  I have also continued to fast and pray for my friends who I love dearly but am not on the terms I would like to see us on.  But such is life and I am good with giving both of these cases over to God and let Him answer them to me in His own way and in His own time.  For now, I will just keep praying.

Afghanistan: Number 16 (50th Blog Post)!

Me and my boss eating in the DFAC

Alright everyone, it's that time of the week again.  Time for another update from Afghanistan.  I am in my twenty-first week here and am also excited that this is my fiftieth blog post!   I can't tell if that's a lot or a little for less than a year of blogging.  I hope I have enough to say to get me to 100 posts, though I have recently realized that I am a very talkative introvert, so I am sure I will have no problems there.

Mental: So, I haven't been doing much on my lean six sigma project.  With our instructor on R&R, I don't think it has really been on anyone's mind much.  I still have to pretty much start from scratch on my project and I have done a little bit of data capturing, but aside from that, not much progress at all.  I have finished a couple of books (Secret Confessions of an Unlikely Convert and The Circle Maker- both of which I loved!) and am onto a new book.  I am now reading a new book called "In a Pit with a Lion On a Snowy Day" by Mark Batterson, who is the same author as The Circle Maker.  It has been very invigorating to read more every day and I enjoy the intellectual stimulation I find generally lacking.

Financial: So still no investing recently.  Hopefully this week I will find a stock I want to buy.  There are more earnings reports coming out at the end of the month so I am thinking I should find something in the next couple of weeks.  Here's hoping!

Physical:  Well, this week has been full of set backs when it comes to work outs.  In Bagram, they have had us wearing our full kit during Ramadan.  That means wearing our individual body armor with plates and our kevlar helmets.  It's heavy and cumbersome.  And the first couple of days we had to wear it whenever we went outside.  This really meant no running and we had to wear our stuff to the gym.  So... my motivation plummeted a bit.  But now we only have to wear it during hours of darkness, so I will be resuming my workouts tomorrow.  On the plus side, I have finally found a concoction that tastes good but looks disgusting.  Its a mixture of orange juice, pineapple juice, water, a scoop of berry green drink, a scoop of lemon lime green drink and a scoop of orange dreamsicle protein powder.  It has about 32 grams of protein and only 4 grams of fat.  I am not really doing it as a meal replacement, just a meal supplement.  Even when I am eating meat, I tend to not get enough protein.  So that is why I started doing this.  Plus, I never get enough fruits and vegetables.  Regardless, this actually tastes good and is filling, so I am going to stick with it.  My intention is to keep up with it even when I get back home to Fort Carson.

Emotional: Another week, another roller coaster.  I know I have written about it much in the last few weeks and months, but I still struggle with the idea of being a good wife while I am in Afghanistan.  As I am less than two weeks out from my wedding anniversary, I cannot help but reminisce on things back home.   This will be my third anniversary and the third one that I have missed because of the Army.  Kevin and I are still close, but there is so much we cannot talk about because a. time does not allow, b. both of our jobs rely heavily on dealing in classified environments or c. because it's just not understandable when you don't know the people involved.  I miss having him to debate theology with, vent to, discuss complex ideas, tackle our future plans and just plain old have married people conversations.  One of my favorite things about Kevin is that he is very intellectually stimulating and I enjoy pretty much every single conversation we have.  As I woke up this morning and went to open my bible, I remembered that back home, when Kevin and I got up, we would go down stairs to our couch, snuggle up together under the blankets and both read our own bibles and then pray together over the day.  At night, he would read a chapter from the old testament to me while we were in bed and then we would pray together and go to sleep.  Even though I am living the basically the same schedule, it is really not the same without Kevin near.  He was probably a lot of my motivation before, because I enjoyed doing these activities with him and I enjoyed his company.  Now I do them alone and it makes me a little sad.  I was explaining to my boss the other day that though I swear a lot out here, I don't with Kevin.  People find it odd, and those that are out here with me seem to think it is unbelievable.  Especially when I tell them I don't have to try not to.  It may seem crazy, but whenever I talk to God (through prayer) or to my husband, I don't have to try not to swear, those words just never come to my mind.  And the reason is that because they both give me such peace that is pacifies my thoughts and makes them less vulgar. Now, I am working on not swearing, but it makes me realize how little I open my marriage up to those I work with.  I do not want them to see the vulnerability I have in my husband's presence.  That somehow, them knowing that I desire to be a submissive and peaceful wife will make them see me as something less.  Being with Kevin extinguishes the needless fires the Army creates.  The Army wants a killer, but being with Kevin makes me more into a pacifist.  And it is nothing he does; he is just soothing to my soul.  It is one of the biggest reasons I married him.  He calms me down, evens me out and makes me a more self-controlled and rational individual.  I have never met another man who has had such a great effect on my life, aside from the one I met hanging on a cross as a ten year old kid in a church basement during vacation bible school.  It is somewhat funny to me when anyone suggests that I would want to be with anyone else.

Another piece to my emotional state has been that I have found out that my request to leave my current unit is being granted.  There are a couple of possibilities for my new unit but it will still be on Fort Carson.  My brigade commander has approved it as well as my battalion commander, so I know it is so.  Without going in to too much detail, the gist of the story is such.  I am not dissatisfied with my current unit, nor my branch.  However, I have only seen one side of my logistical branch and to make any sort of informed decision about whether or not to stay in or get out, I need to see more.  It is not with any certainty at all that I will stay in, and it is still leaning the other way.  But so long as I am considering it, I need to have as many facts as possible. I really enjoy being in the Army.  Everyone I have met, both officers and enlisted, have told me multiple times that if I stay in, I will go far and will be very successful.  So, it is being considered.  Kevin and I still have much to talk about and I still have two years before any decisions need to be made.

Spiritual:  This functional area of my life has caused me much grief and joy over the past week or so.  In terms of just theology, I found in my reading some verses in 1 Samuel 18, 19, 20 and 22 discussing a covenant friendship.  This, to me, was a new type of covenant.  I had never heard of a covenant between friends before and the idea pretty much consumed me.  I spent a lot of time studying it and considering what it might be and what it might look like.  I have many conclusions on the matter and plan on blogging about it topically very soon.

I am have been fasting for over two weeks now and in the last week have changed the way I arrange my spiritual life.  I am now devoting the first hour of my day to the Lord.  I wake up an hour earlier than I need to and spend the first part reading a few chapters from my bible and recording verses that stick out to me. I then make a list of everything and everyone I want to pray for and spend whatever is left of the hour (usually 30-40 minutes) praying over the verses that stuck out, any theological content from my reading that didn't make sense, and my long list of prayer requests.  Along with my fasting, I pray multiple times during the day.  I am still in a place of hoping for healing and reconciliation between myself and two people very dear to my heart.  I am not going to quit fasting nor praying until God grants me an answer on the matter, but I Have given it over to Him.  The reality is, this battle is His, not mine and thus the glory belongs to Him and not to me.  I am not moving from my position because I am waiting on the Lord.  He will move when He is ready.  And I am trying to embrace in my heart a spirit of patience and a movement of my prayer from "as soon as possible" to "as long as it takes."  I have already accepted the Lord's will for my life, whatever that may be.  I am completely at peace with getting an answer of "no." But what I find myself struggling with is the Lord's timing.  I am not a patient person by nature nor trade.  I don't care what the answer is, I just want it now.  Which isn't how God works and He doesn't seem to keen towards my petty demands of timing that is most convenient for me.  I am sure He will continue to break that down in me over time, but for now, I just keep trying to remind myself "as long as it takes."  I am also ending my evenings by reading and then praying.  At night's when I pray, I actually fully writing them out, which I started doing when I first got here.  The funny thing to me though is that my prayers definitely get longer and more full of life when I look at them over time.  My prayer's when I first got here were generic and lifeless. This reflected my prayer life on the whole.  I didn't pray often nor intently.  Now I pray frequently and fervently. It is a habit I hope makes it back to the states with me because I know it has grown me a lot.  God is changing my heart and making me a more loving person.  He has a lot of work ahead of Him, to say the least. As do I.